Stagger
by Xinthos
Summary: Pushed by loneliness and self-hatred, Setsuna takes an unconventional route to spare Konoka from her emotional baggage. Tsukuyomi is more than happy to help her, of course, until she discovers the condition called "humanity" seems to be contagious. [KonoSetsuYomi, eventual KonoSetsu].
1. Into the Ocean

**A/N**: Hello Negima!? Fandom! Here's a few things you should know:

This story is _complete_ and looking to be about 40,000 words long minus the final chapter, which I'm working on now, so updates will be fairly often (something along the lines of twice a week, a few days apart). I prefer shorter chapters, so I may post two at a time.

Also, I'm going to say that Tsukuyomi is a full-fledged demon. Was this ever clarified in the manga? I can't remember, but for the sake of this story I'm assuming that's the case.

Other than that, I apologize for the run on sentences (it's a bad habit and I have no beta reader), and I'll likely be continuously re-uploading and editing chapters for grammar mistakes etc. as I go along. I hope you have fun on this horribly melodramatic journey! See you all at the end, I hope :)

Reviews and criticism are welcome, encouraged, and super-duper appreciated.

**Warnings: **Sex, violence, and frequent cursing.

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to Ken Akamatsu. All lyrics belong to their respective creators.

* * *

"_I'm just a normal boy,_

_That sank when I fell overboard…"_

_-Blue October_

* * *

Setsuna is only human – or mostly, anyway. Whatever else there is she tactfully chooses to forget, although sometimes she thinks it might be nice to blame everything on some inner demon or other.

But in truth, it's the human in Setsuna that trips her up. You can't stumble with wings after all, but with her feet on solid ground it only takes a moment – just a quick second when her head's in the clouds, and suddenly she's floating and falling and stumbling, entirely human, without wings to catch her.

So something else does instead. Usually it's the floor that serves as a painful reminder.

But this time there is someone waiting with a deceivingly cheerful smile, and a sword that she almost forgets to notice, and that ridiculously puffy dress.

Setsuna doesn't have much time to wonder if it would've been better to hit the ground, because at least a scrape on the knee or a bruise on her chin is easy to understand. But in the short time she has, Setsuna does wonder.

To her defense, it's hard to forget when someone pins you down and strips you of your clothes, your dignity, your power, and slides her hand – just barely – up the side of your ribcage. And it's completely normal for someone to react to things like that, and-

Is she unreasonable for wanting revenge? For wanting to understand what really happened in those few short moments?

"Ohhh," The girl says it long and drawn out, teasingly, "Is that why you sought me out, Senpai? I think this is the first time _you_ have ever come to _me_. Not to say that I mind."

Yes, that's why she's here, to see what kind of perverted, fucked up, carnage-filled plans Tsukuyomi had in mind when she threatened to make Setsuna her plaything. She manages to say this, although a lot less gracefully, standing with her sword drawn. But she doesn't move, even when the other girl saunters closer.

"It's not for anything else then, right? Only to see what I was thinking?"

Of course Tsukuyomi knows that's not _really_ why Setsuna has gone out of her way to find her. She's all kinds of off-the-charts psychotic, but she knows a decent bit about humans, and she knows even more about Setsuna. Enough to understand that the girl either doesn't realize her own reasons, or isn't admitting them. That doesn't sit well with Tsukuyomi, but years of stalking and watching made her patient. She will wait.

"Why else would I be here?" Setsuna shouts, frustrated and angry, but probably more at herself than at Tsukuyomi.

The blonde is within arm's reach of Setsuna now, and gently, like petting a frightened animal, strokes her cheek.

In a split second and a flash of steel the other girl leaps back, swinging out in a wide, sloppy arc to gain some distance. She's shaking from head to toe, probably questioning why she's still there.

_So cute_, the blonde smiles to herself.

Tsukuyomi was sincere when she'd threaten to take _all_ of Setsuna if the winged girl remained human in their next battle. As in, rip her gleefully to shreds and eat her up, oh so literally. But looking at this frightened creature with so little resemblance to the naïve and confident girl she'd faced not so long ago, she thinks that maybe Setsuna as a human isn't so bad. It certainly means a plethora of torture methods that wouldn't work on demons.

Although a slower destruction of this girl won't be as immediately satisfying, maybe that's a good thing as well. It means more time with Senpai, at least. Even if Tsukuyomi's lust for carnage won't be sated anytime soon, perhaps she can satisfy herself in other ways.

And by the way Setsuna is looking at her, clearly disappointed that she hasn't given chase, it won't be all that hard to take what she wants.

With this gleeful thought in mind, she easily pins the distraught swordswoman to the carpet of her hideout.

"I don't know, Setsuna-senpai," Tsukuyomi lies, sing-songing the other girl's name, "Maybe you wanted something else from me?"

Setsuna struggles half-heartedly when Tsukuyomi begins a repeat performance, slicing through her shirt and bindings and gently running her knuckles up Setsuna's ribcage.

The feeling is strangely relieving to Setsuna, who knows somewhere in the back of her mind she's been craving it since their encounter not so long ago. With her back pressed to the floor in an exact replica of the last time, she feels more anticipation than anger. Her excuses – what were they? Revenge, curiosity? – are becoming awfully frail, but she clings to them anyway.

Her hands are fisted in the ridiculous pink rug underneath her as Tsukuyomi runs her tongue over Setsuna's bottom lip. She's never felt anything quite like this before, and with her curiosity satisfied and her vengeful ideas dissipated, the thought that _this_ is why she's here rushes to the surface and makes her cringe in self-disgust.

_But I'm human too_, Setsuna's mind screams, trying to justify. Everyone else gets to have relationships and- and- _sex_, she thinks, the word still taboo even with someone lying on top of her. Why not her? Should she have to spend the rest of her life lonely and longing for someone just out of reach? The one girl she'll ever want she's not allowed to be with – will never allow herself to be with. During their fight Tsukuyomi had given her that much needed reminder.

The thought of Konoka makes her heart leap into her throat, a million reasons why she shouldn't be here immediately thrust back down by Tsukuyomi's hands on her bare skin, a little too rough.

She wraps her legs around the other girl instinctively, her hatred of those gaudy, impractical Lolita dresses intensifying when it prevents her from getting comfortable.

In a practiced move Tsukuyomi has it off, and Setsuna thinks she might die at the feeling of full-body, skin-to-skin contact. Until the blonde pushes her leg up between Setsuna's thighs, and then she thinks she really _must _be dead because no physical sensation has ever felt so good.

Tsukuyomi closes her eyes, enjoying the other girl's inexperience. Her Senpai has clearly never even touched herself before, probably because of disinterest or one of her suffocating honor codes, and Tsukuyomi is more than happy to claim ownership of Setsuna's virginity. It's just an easy step in the direction of owning the girl entirely.

With the dress off Setsuna manages to wrap her legs around Tsukuyomi's waist, grinding into her leg, embarrassed by the whimpers that she knows she's making. The friction makes her woozy, and for maybe the second time in her life Setsuna _craves_, even if she doesn't understand exactly what she wants.

_This feels too good to be wrong_, Setsuna thinks, startled by her own sharp cry when Tsukuyomi slips a hand underneath her underwear. Somewhere in her head she knows the physical sensations aren't even close to a good excuse, and she distantly wonders if this is betrayal. Fraternizing with the enemy is certainly traitorous to her comrades, she doesn't fool herself into thinking it's not treachery in that regard. But that's not her main concern.

_It's not like we're dating… People have sex with other people all the time_, Setsuna thinks, slowly convincing herself. Forgetting her troubles is certainly easier when Tsukuyomi pays rhythmic attention to a spot that makes Setsuna arch back so hard her head bounces against the floor.

Tsukuyomi, for her part, rather likes that Setsuna grits her teeth during sex like she's in pain. The emotional turmoil is definitely a turn on too, she thinks happily.

_It's true_, Setsuna thinks, although even her thoughts are becoming garbled, _it's just sex. It's not like Tsukuyomi and I care about each other, I just- I need-_

What's left of coherent thought quickly exits Setsuna's mind. She finally lets go of the carpet to rip off their remaining clothing, not caring that Tsukuyomi's underwear looks more expensive than the entirety of her own wardrobe. The other girl _does_ seems to care, however, or at least uses it as an excuse.

Tsukuyomi smiles and Setsuna quickly recognizes this as a sign of danger.

But trapped beneath the girl and willingly subjecting herself to the blonde's whim, she can do little when Tsukuyomi forcefully shoves the hilt of Setsuna's own sword inside of her.

Setsuna might have laughed at the fucked-upness of it all, if it didn't hurt so badly.

She'd experienced worse than this many times over in her life, but nothing quite as intimate, and she can't help the shudder of pain that wracks her. She's surprised to feel Tsukuyomi kiss her gently on the jawline, right underneath her ear. The gesture is almost loving, until it's accompanied by the simultaneous twisting of the sword inside of her. Surprised, Setsuna grunts and bites her lip, trying not to cry out in pain.

Tsukuyomi giggles delightedly, gently running kisses fit for lovers along her Senpai's jaw and down her neck, whispering sweet words of comfort – "It's alright Senpai, I'll take care of you" – and fucking her until she can feel delicious blood making her fingers stick together.

But maybe they're more suited for each other than she imagined, Tsukuyomi thinks. Even though the taller girl beneath her is gasping in pain, she still lifts her hips to meet Tsukuyomi's ravaging hands.

"Don't tell me you like this, Senpai?" She asks teasingly, happy even though she knows she won't get a coherent response.

As predicted, Setsuna's only reaction is to reach up and yank the other girl down for a kiss. But as Tsukuyomi pulls back, she's impressed to find Setsuna can still speak through all her emotional and physical turmoil, even if it's only one word.

"Please," she whispers clearly, and as if Tsukuyomi isn't having enough fun that one word turns her blood and power induced high up a notch.

"Please what?" She asks, usually preferring more of a challenge but somehow pleased by how easy Setsuna breaks this time.

With a shaky grip Setsuna guides Tsukuyomi's other hand back between her thighs, and the blonde doesn't push any harder for words because she knows Setsuna doesn't have them.

And she's right; Setsuna cannot put a phrase together for what she wants, can only squeeze her eyes shut and whimper and moan and the only word she can hang on to is _please please please_, even if she doesn't know what she's asking for. As if attached to that one word is her last shred of dignity, but with every repetition it unwinds further, and she is so close to something –

And Tsukuyomi stops suddenly, leaving Setsuna confused and gasping.

"I need," She says simply, unable to verbalize anything else in the absence of – of – whatever was about to happen.

"You keep your promises, don't you, Senpai?"

– _please, I need – _

"Make me a promise, and I'll give you what you need."

The frustrated girl makes a noise that sounds close enough to "yes."

"You have to visit me until I tell you it's alright to stop. Do you promise?"

"Y-yes," Setsuna manages, trying to find that sweet friction again. Tsukuyomi smiles, happy to have her Senpai's word, and continues where she left off.

"You'll be mine, won't you?" She whispers as Setsuna is writhing beneath her.

When she doesn't receive an answer Tsukuyomi withdraws the sword, replacing it with her fingers and curling them slowly and forcefully inside the other girl.

"_Yes,_" Setsuna gasps.

"Mine?" She asks again like a child, making that same delightful motion that has Setsuna losing all of the self-control she so prides herself on.

"Yours," Setsuna manages, abandoning herself completely.

Tsukuyomi shudders with pleasure at the tortured sound that Setsuna makes when she comes, a choked scream to mirror both of their violent satisfaction.

Setsuna feels her body tighten and coil and ache. In a brief moment while she is wracked with sensation – falling, stumbling, slipping, losing control underneath the only hands that have ever really touched her – she sees Tsukuyomi smile, and knows that hitting the ground would have indeed been better.

* * *

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Please review and let me know what you think!

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	2. Dog Days are Over

**A/N: **Your guys' reviews are AWESOME. I was really worried I'd do something stupid, being relatively new to this fandom, and your comments were really reassuring :) Hopefully I don't disappoint with the upcoming chapters, but please be honest if you find them lacking. I'm always up for improving!

Also, the next couple of installments are short and contain a lot of set-up etc., so I went ahead and posted two. Although the story is 99% complete, I have to edit things fifteen times before I'm comfortable with posting them, so there will be some lag time. Apologies!

Thanks again to all of you for reading and especially reviewing, it makes my day ten times over.

Now, on with the show~

* * *

_"Leave all your love and your longing behind,_

_You can't carry it with you if you want to survive..."_

_-Florence + the Machine_

* * *

No one but Asuna notices there's something wrong.

Or rather, no one but Asuna is tactless enough to _say_ that there's obviously something wrong.

"Spill," she says late one evening after school, standing imposingly over a hunched over Setsuna.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Setsuna says it like she doesn't even care enough to make it sound believable. Although Asuna thinks that lately Setsuna doesn't really care about much of anything.

The thought is enough to quell her righteous fury, and she plops down on the couch with her feet crossed uncaringly in Setsuna's lap. Neither are physically affectionate people, but their friendship is close enough that neither cares. Even if Setsuna has, over the past couple of weeks, reverted back to the overly serious, duty-obsessed, brooding thirteen-year-old she'd been when they first met.

"Whatever it is, it's obviously bothering you. You can tell me," Asuna says casually, but sincerely, "I promise to stay out of it if you want me to. And don't start spouting nonsense like you used to about me hating you for something or other, because I promise-"

"I slept with Tsukuyomi."

"-Whatever it is, I won't stop being your friend, so just spit it out so we can talk about it already."

There is silence as Asuna stares expectantly at Setsuna, waiting for her reply, until the words hovering in the air finally make themselves clear in her head.

And then there's _more_ silence, because obviously Asuna has misheard.

"Um, I think I didn't hear you right."

"You did," Setsuna says simply.

But no, she can't have heard right. There's no way in _Hell_ that Setsuna would ever, ever, _ever_ in a million years do anything that might even have a _chance_ of hurting Konoka's feelings.

And not to mention the potential hurt to Asuna herself, or Negi, or anyone who'd almost been killed by that four-eyed bloodthirsty maniac. Setsuna would never associate with Tsukuyomi because she'd hurt their classmates and friends and innocent bystanders, and because she was a psycho stalker, and because it was a complete and utter betrayal of her friendships with _absolutely everyone_ –

And Asuna realizes that's probably why she hadn't told anyone.

"I don't understand," she kind of mumbles, and she thinks maybe she's actually said that quite a few times in the last two minutes because Setsuna is looking at her like _she's_ the crazy one.

"How? When? _Why!?_"

Setsuna looks down at Asuna's feet in her lap, then at the clock on the wall that's fifteen minutes fast, and then finally at the ceiling.

"Fifteen days ago, and once more since then. Because I'm selfish and too stupid to understand anyone, even myself. And do you really want to know the 'how?'"

Judging by the disturbed expression on Setsuna's face, Asuna is pretty sure she will never, ever want to know the how.

"So what you're saying is, about two weeks ago you slipped out and did the nasty with someone who wants to eat your soul?"

If Setsuna didn't look like she wanted to kill herself before, she does now.

"It was a mistake."

"Then why'd you do it again?"

"I don't know," she says, exasperated. "She made me promise to come back after the first time, and I guess I could have just broken it, but…"

"So she manipulated you then?" Asuna looks ready to jump to her feet and go slay the demon-bitch, even in her pajamas.

Setsuna has to smile at that. Asuna really is a good friend – the best friend she could've asked for. Even when she manages to royally fuck everything up, the girl still doesn't want to doubt her.

"No, she isn't manipulating me. Or maybe she is, in a way, but I would've gone back to her regardless."

Asuna quickly deflates at this admission.

"But why? I don't understand," she says for what feels like the millionth time, "I mean, if you wanted sex you could've just, you know, stayed within the human species to avoid the drama. And since when – not to mention – I thought – what about Konoka?"

She watches Setsuna's brief and obviously pained expression flicker to life and disappear just as quickly.

"I love her very much," Setsuna says, not letting herself acknowledge it's the first time she's ever said this out loud, "but some things aren't meant to be."

Asuna looks like she might bang her head against the wall.

"You both are going to drive me _nuts_! I really hope you realize-"

"I know she loves me."

"-That you guys feel the same way about each other, if you would only just sit down and talk – _stop interrupting me with important things_!"

Setsuna smiles again, thankful for Asuna's ability to be both serious and absurd.

"I already know that. We both know. That's not the problem."

"Then what _is_ the problem?"

"The problem is that I'm not good enough for her," The statement comes out a bit louder than expected and Setsuna stands up suddenly, knocking Asuna's feet to the floor. She paces anxiously, playing with the hem of her shirt for a moment before heaving a sigh and sitting down again.

"Even if I _could_ be her guard, and her ministra, _and_ her, um, girlfriend, I don't know if I'd want to. I know I'm an idiot sometimes, but I'm not a kid anymore, Asuna. I feel like she – and everyone else – just expects us to fall together and live happily ever after. But love isn't always enough to keep two people together."

Setsuna pauses and looks expectantly at her friend. The redhead _wants_ to say something, to tell the other girl she's wrong, but it's hard when she worries about all the same things.

"You can't really know if you love someone until you know who they are – to accept the worst parts about a person," Setsuna continues, looking miserable as ever, "And I've loved her for so long and put her up so high, I don't know if we can ever be on equal ground anymore. I'll never feel that I'm good enough, and especially not after all this."

Asuna waits patiently for her friend to finish before speaking.

"That… makes a surprising amount of sense, but I already know you have an inferiority complex bigger than Rakan's ego. The issue_ here_ is that you fucked it up before you even _tried, _based on the assumption that it wouldn't work."

Setsuna shrugs. "I guess so."

"You're all idiots," Asuna sighs, throwing her hands up dramatically. "Even if all that is true, I still don't get why you went and had sex with what's-her-face. That wasn't some fucked up attempt at self-punishment was it?"

Asuna's stare is unrelenting, and Setsuna finds herself cringing and blushing under the girl's scrutiny.

"Um, I don't think so," she finally manages to mumble, still in her fit of painful embarrassment.

Asuna doesn't falter, staring straight at the red-faced girl expectantly.

"Ugh!" Setsuna groans, putting her face in her hands, "This is exactly what Tsukuyomi was talking about. She would've never caught me off guard if I wasn't so obsessed with all these social rules-"

"Wait, I thought you said you guys didn't fight."

"We didn't – I mean we _did_, but that was a while ago. I just didn't feel like talking about it."

Asuna finally relaxes her gaze. Setsuna's emotional ignorance is aggravating to watch, but the redhead reminds herself that it's born from years of self-denial and abuse. Even though all this makes no sense to her own linear thought processes, Asuna knows that the other girl really wants nothing more than to make everyone, especially Konoka, happy. She just doesn't know how to do it.

Not to mention everything she said earlier was true. Konoka and their other friends really _do_ expect them to ride off into the sunset and be incomparably in love forever and ever, and for Setsuna to always step in and save the day when someone needs saving. But Asuna knows the swordswoman has doubts, and fears, and worries about failure more than the average person. Those inhuman expectations amount to a lot of pressure, especially with so much constantly on the line.

It isn't hard to see that whatever Tsukuyomi did pushed an already unsettled Setsuna over the edge.

"What happened?"

"She kindly reminded me that my humanity is making me weak, and that my dreams are making me shallow."

"You've always thought that," the redhead deadpans, totally unsympathetic, "What else happened?"

Setsuna takes a breath like she's about to say something, thinks twice, and bites her lip to prevent the word vomit from escaping. In her peripheral vision she sees Asuna narrow her eyes in warning.

"Tell. Me."

"You guys lose your clothes _all the time_; it shouldn't have been that big of a deal!" The words escape in a rush and are quickly followed by another fit of embarrassment.

Asuna stares, incredulous and surprised by both the statement and the volume with which it was delivered.

"She stripped you?"

"_Yes_, okay? It wouldn't have been that big of a deal, except that I completely lost focus and she ended up pinning me and ripping off the rest of my clothes because I was too concerned with my _modesty _to stop her," Setsuna's tone is dripping with self-contempt.

"She didn't _do_ anything really – just put her hand on my side – but no one's ever done that before, and, well … I was curious," she finishes lamely, hating herself equally for her actions and her embarrassment.

"Everyone else gets to experience things like that, and at first I thought all I wanted was an explanation. But then when it happened, I just kept thinking what did I have to lose? I was pretty sure she wasn't going to kill me, and I really didn't think things would go that far. But, I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe I was punishing myself."

Asuna _personally_ thinks Setsuna is just trying to explain herself without saying the word "horny," but the girl is traumatized enough and Asuna isn't quite cruel enough to say that out loud.

"I didn't peg you for a masochist," she says instead, which isn't much better. Asuna cuts the spluttering girl off before she can go on another tirade.

"I'm not mad at you, Setsuna, even if I don't completely understand. I know you're not going to betray us. And even though I don't think being 'pretty sure' someone isn't going to kill you is sure enough, I trust you to take care of yourself. I just hope you know that if Konoka finds out, I don't know if she'll forgive you."

"I know," Setsuna says, much more serious now, but she doesn't bother to ask Asuna to keep it a secret. Among a group of friends this tight-knit it will only be a matter of time. Besides, it might be easier if Konoka hates her.

Asuna practically sees the thought pass through Setsuna's mind, and her heart clenches anxiously for Konoka. But Asuna is a good friend, and she's learned over the past couple of years that it's important to let people make their own mistakes.

_That's easier said than done_, she thinks, looking at Setsuna.

One hand is fisted in her hair, and her teeth are grit together so hard her gums are white. She looks desperate and hopeless and eager for death – one thread of a childhood promise keeping her alive – and Asuna thinks for the first time since she's met the two that maybe they're really _not_ supposed to be together.

Hours after Setsuna leaves, ashamed and tired and lost, Asuna crosses her fingers and hopes beyond hope that she's wrong.

* * *

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	3. Brick by Boring Brick

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* * *

_"Well go get your shovel,_

_And we'll dig a deep hole,_

_To bury the castle, bury the castle…"_

_-Paramore_

* * *

Konoka knows something has been amiss with Setsuna for almost three weeks, and she also realizes that Asuna knows why.

When she passed Setsuna on the way to her dorm one evening and found Asuna brooding over a cup of coffee, she was hurt at first that she wasn't privy to whatever the source of trouble was. But she knows that Setsuna is a private person, and even though it's been years, Konoka still finds solace in the fact that they're on speaking terms at all. Remembering all the unanswered greetings and the hurt and confusion when Setsuna had first transferred into Mahora is enough to make her wince.

So she told herself that Setsuna would talk to her on her own time. Whatever the issue is Konoka was sure Asuna would help, and everything would go back to normal soon. Secchan has always been broody after all, it's nothing out of the ordinary for her to disappear for a while and come back.

But after that night it's been obvious that Setsuna's avoiding her, and the thought of going back to how things were before the Kyoto trip certainly seems like reason enough to take action.

"Hi Secchan," she says cheerily before home room one morning.

Setsuna puts her things down on her desk and looks at Konoka for some time before remembering that she's expected to answer.

"Ah, Ojou-sama. Good morning."

"You've been awfully quiet lately, is something wrong? I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."

Konoka is still smiling, and the remark is supposed to sound exaggerated, but really she _hasn't_ seen Setsuna in weeks.

"I'm fine, Ojou-sama. Just tired."

Konoka can't come up with anything else to say, perturbed by the obvious deflection. But before she turns away to greet Asuna, running late despite their fast-forwarded clock, she catches sight of the bruise on Setsuna's collarbone.

She stifles her surprise the best she can. From training, maybe? It isn't unusual for Setsuna to sport all kinds of injuries in odd places, especially after her disappearing sessions. Or maybe she slipped in the shower again. It's happened before, although to be fair that was mostly because she'd walked in on Setsuna completely nude.

Konoka's not sure why this injury in particular is bothering her so much. She's seen countless similar ones, but a small feeling of foreboding still announces itself in her gut. _I'm overreacting_. A_nd even if it is – something else, it's not my business to go prying into._

"Heh, too many midnight rendezvous?" Konoka jokes, trying to beat down the anxiety clawing at her stomach.

But instead of getting embarrassed and flustered, Setsuna doesn't say anything at all.

And that's when Konoka knows she's definitely not overreacting.

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

"Asuna, I know you talked to her, _please_ just tell me?"

It's the fifth time she's asked tonight, but it's been two days since her non-conversation with Setsuna, and Konoka knows she won't be able to let it go until she gets an explanation.

"For the last time, no matter how many puppy-eyed faces you give me, and no matter how many times you ask, you'll have to get _her_to tell you. I'd do the same for you, you know."

Asuna really hates secrets. The guilt isn't doing much for her sleep either, and even though she hadn't promised to keep Setsuna's late night adventures to herself, Asuna hardly wants to be the catalyst in ruining one of the most promising relationships she's witnessed in her life.

Yet every time her roommate asks, it's getting harder to brush her off.

"And why are you so insistent now? You didn't seem to have a problem before," Asuna asks, trying to stall before the next round of "pleases" begins.

She is surprised when Konoka doesn't immediately cite her worry as an excuse. Instead she smiles sheepishly and says, "She had this weird bruise on her neck the other day."

Asuna slaps her forehead in irritation. Setsuna needs some serious training in the art of stealth, and you know it's bad when Asuna's saying it. But if she doesn't care enough to hide it, then the redhead can at least dish out that much.

"If you're asking me if it was a hickey, my answer is probably yes."

It really looks like Konoka is a deflated party balloon as she sinks to the floor, her back against the kitchen counter and the ends of her long brown hair grazing the linoleum of the kitchen.

Asuna tenses, trying to steady herself for any waterworks, but Konoka looks more annoyed and tired than anything else.

"You're not… upset?"

"Upset? Why?" Konoka asks, looking genuinely confused.

"Well, you're on the floor first of all, and secondly, you guys are like… you know, soulmates or something."

"Soulmates?" The brunette looks startled by the word, and then giggles, "Silly, just because we know magic exists doesn't mean that it's responsible for _everything_. Setsuna and I are just normal people – well, mostly – who happen to have a lot of history. We weren't dating, and she never owed herself to me or anything like that. I have no right to be upset about it," Konoka says the last part mostly to herself as she stands up from the cold tiles.

"And I was only on the floor because I'm annoyed she hasn't told me," she adds for good measure.

"So you're not upset, _at all_?"

Asuna is dumbfounded, but knows she really shouldn't be. Even though Konoka appears ditzy a lot of the time – well, maybe most of the time – she knows by now that there's a lot going on in that space case's head. When it comes to people's feelings, the girl is usually ten steps ahead.

"I wouldn't say that," Konoka admits, "but like I said, I never made myself clear about my feelings, so how would it be fair of me to get angry that she's dating someone else?"

Asuna thinks "dating" isn't the right word, but maybe it's not the time to bring that up.

"Plus, I have faith in our bond," the brunette says with conviction, "I'm sure that if we really care about each other like we say we do, then everything will turn out alright in the end. Until then, I'll just take advantage of this to tease her as much as possible! Which means I need to know who she's dating."

The redhead _also_ doesn't think this is the "teasing" kind of relationship, but she doesn't plan on saying that either.

"Now _that_ is really something you're going to have to ask her."

"Aw, c'mon, Asuna," Konoka pleads, "I already told you I just want to support her! Pretty please?"

Asuna hops on the kitchen counter and rests her chin in her palm. She's staring at two clear paths here. The first would mean keeping everything under wraps, avoiding Konoka, and waiting for Setsuna to spill the beans herself. Which, despite the swordswoman's resigned and flippant attitude about it all, Asuna is fairly sure will never happen.

But at least that way there'd be a very _small_ chance that the whole thing will blow over once Setsuna returns to the realm of the emotionally stable.

And there'd be a very _large _chance of Konoka finding out some other way, and the poor girl having a heart attack and living the rest of her life in a state of constant paranoia.

The other option would be to just tell her and stick around for damage control.

_Honesty is the best policy, right?_ Asuna smiles nervously, avoiding the gaze of her expectant roommate.

"Okay Konoka, I'll tell you, but you have to understand that there's a lot more to this than what's just on the surface."

"Alright," Konoka's excitement is dampened somewhat by the other girl's serious tone.

"Okay," she repeats, feeling apprehension build up, "I'll tell you."

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

Honesty is definitely _not_ the best policy.

_What was I thinking?_ Asuna berates herself as she runs after a surprisingly quick Konoka, stumbling over an untied shoelace in her hasty pursuit.

As soon as it had been clarified that, _yes_, there aren't that many people named Tsukuyomi around – what a coincidence, who would have thought she would pick someone by that same name – and they were in fact the same girl, Konoka had reacted rather dramatically.

Asuna takes a sharp turn and nearly slips, and not for the first time in her life, hates herself for making the responsible decision.

Her sense of danger tells her to slow down as she approaches Setsuna's room. She can't hear Konoka's running steps anymore, but she can guess the loud _bang_ was the door being flung open. Weighing her curiosity with her sense of self-preservation, she quietly pokes her head around the corner and sees exactly what she figured.

_And I guess the rest is none of my business as long as no one dies,_ Asuna thinks, retreating quietly down the hallway to wait out the imminent and unpleasant conversation. Leaning against the wall she pulls out her phone and plays with it idly, waiting for either a crying Konoka to come marching back down the hallway, or to jump between a pervert's wet dream of a catfight. She's not sure which would be better at this point.

* * *

******xxxxxxxx**

Konoka is standing in the doorframe. She has one foot in the room and one foot out and, predictably, she isn't angry anymore when she sees Setsuna. Which also means she really isn't sure what she wants to say anymore.

But Setsuna has her sword, and she's one foot out the window and doesn't turn around at the sound of her door being slammed open.

"Setsuna," Konoka says, and the swordswoman knows that everything's out in the open when her nickname is missing. Her hand tightens on the windowsill, but she turns her head a bit to let Konoka know she's heard.

"I was just coming to talk to you."

"I was just leaving."

It's a stupid thing to say – unnecessarily hurtful, but it's true. They are in limbo, one foot in the room and one foot out, one coming and one going.

"Can we talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Setsuna says, even when her heart is bursting with feelings and her brain overloads with things to say – to shout, to yell, to scream.

The pressure in her skull is painful, and she knows she should really just ignore Konoka standing in her room and go, but the fear and the hope pin her stiff in the window frame.

"There are a few things to talk about. Are you in a hurry?"

_Yes_, Setsuna thinks, _I'm in a hurry to run away from the person I've dedicated my life to so I can jump off the proverbial cliff into the arms of someone who literally wants to kill me._ _How stupid am I?_

But it's too late for regrets, even though she's still adding to her pile of them. They look at each other and so _badly_ want to have that moment – those stupid fairytale things where they run into each other's arms and Setsuna says some version of "sorry" and "you're the only one I love."

Setsuna can feel Konoka wishing and hoping from across the room, but the swordswoman knows she can't deliver. And what would it mean, even if she did? That Setsuna would shut the window and still not allow them to be together, and Konoka would _let it go_ and _she needs her time _about it, and Setsuna would suffer and question and hate herself for _all_ of that time.

Because she loves that gentleness about Konoka, and that never-ending well of compassion and understanding, but time_ isn't _what she needs.

"She's waiting for me," Setsuna hears herself say from some distant place.

And Konoka watches Setsuna turn around and knows that there's a way to fix this – _there must be a way to fix this_ – but she also knows that anything she can do here and now isn't the way. She wants them to be alright, to be together, and not just in the ways they've been before.

But there is something terribly wrong with both of them, with everything, and she's known it for a long time but can't seem to find the words to describe it.

Somewhere in her mind a fantasy plays over and over again like a scratched DVD:

Setsuna is born-

_Skipskipskip_

- and they are best friends as children until Setsuna has to go-

_Skipskipskip_

- and then she comes back into Konoka's life seven years later, and they become friends again and dance around their romantic feelings until _this_ happens. But now Konoka tells Setsuna how much she loves her, always has, and Setsuna closes the window and makes a perfectly reasonable excuse for why this has all happened, and-

_whoopsthere'sascratchonyourDVD_

-they live happily ever after.

Konoka realizes it's because she has nothing to fill the in-between with. That same dread from a few days ago comes crawling back, because _seven years is a long time,_ and did she even know where Setsuna was during those years_?_ Kid to teenager is a huge development, and _where is she even really from_ because one to five is a big one too.

Kicking herself doesn't even begin to describe this feeling.

"Setsuna, _wait_," she says, and Setsuna is already out the window and those wings – _beautiful wings_ – are ready to take her away, but she has to say something, anything at all, "Tell her hello for me."

Setsuna looks appropriately surprised, but she nods her head.

"I will," she says.

In a great sweep of feathers and the soft closing of a door, they leave the room devoid of people and full of _why didn't I just_ and _I should have_ and _I wish_.

They try not to turn around and stare at all the broken pieces and missing scenes between them, because stuck between those jagged shards is the dream of simple and perfect happiness they're leaving behind.

Asuna hears footsteps, slow and heavy, and stands up from her seat in the hallway.

"Konoka," she says when the girl appears from around the corner, looking worn down but calm. "Are you okay, mostly?"

Konoka stops a couple of feet from Asuna and takes a deep breath. There are tears quivering and waiting to be let loose, but she ignores them and says with finality, "life is not a storybook, Asuna."

And Asuna nods, because she knows that too.

They walk back together, not saying anything more.

* * *

xx

Please review and let me know what you think!

xx


	4. Friends

**A/N: **Once again, thank you all for reviewing. In particular, thanks to Hagane no Hana for the helpful and encouraging comments. I'm pretty self-conscious about my dialogue… and, well, everything else, so the reassurance is a serious boost :)

Since you've all been so super-extra-awesome, I went ahead and edited a bunch of chapters at once. It was a bit taxing, so hopefully they're all up to par. I know they're pretty short, but I prefer to post a multiple at once than to combine them all. I feel like separating them cuts the scenes better, and it also helps remind me that time is passing. My chronological sense is a serious fail.

Anyway, happy holidays to everyone! For those reading, old and new, please review and let me know how I'm doing. (It can be my Christmas present! :D)

* * *

_"Well isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?"_

_ -Jennifer Aniston as Rachel_

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

Tsukuyomi is on top of her lush pink bedspread, staring at the ceiling while Setsuna gets dressed. She's perfectly comfortable being naked, but in that endearing and ridiculous fashion of humans, Setsuna entertains some notion of modesty. Even after she's spent a few hours sweat-covered and bloody by someone else's hands. _My hands_, Tsukuyomi reminds herself. There's a thrill of possessive happiness in that thought.

"Tsukuyomi," she hears from some corner of the room.

"Hmm?"

"Kono – Ojou-sama says hello."

"Ojou-sama does?" The blonde sits up in bed at that, not attempting to cover herself even when the blankets slip down to her waist.

"She caught me on my way out."

Setsuna offers nothing else in explanation, but Tsukuyomi doesn't need to know why, just that it happened at all.

There's no goodbye exchanged when Setsuna closes the door behind her, and she doesn't look back to see the deceptively cheerful smile grace the other girl's face.

_So Ojou-sama knows, then?_ _Fantastic._

Although watching Setsuna struggle with her fragile state of mind and her even more fragile self-image is amusing, she knows it'll only keep her entertained for so long. But if Ojou-sama – _silly, naïve girl _– has already found out about this non-relationship, it opens a lot of doors.

She wouldn't have gone out of her way to approach the heiress and explain everything herself, although the look on her face would've been pretty funny. Konoka probably wouldn't have believed her, and neither would the rest of that nauseatingly cheerful group. But if Senpai told her in her own words, then it would certainly be easier for Tsukuyomi to weasel her way into Mahora and cause some trouble.

After all, Tsukuyomi doubts they have the heart to kill her unless she attacks them first. Especially not if she's "having relations" with Setsuna, or whatever gaudy euphemism they decide to use. And Setsuna herself would hardly break her promise when things have escalated this far.

Now, the only question left is whether or not she's that cruel.

To go in and confuse the hearts of spoiled schoolgirls and watch them suffer while she gets all the sexual and violent satisfaction… does she really crave misery that much? Is she really that uncaring?

_Is the sky blue?_

Tsukuyomi licks the blood off her fingers and laughs.

_Really, what kind of question is that?_

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think! (For Christmas?! :D)

**xx**


	5. Happy

**xx**_  
_

* * *

_"I'm so happy for you I could cry,_

_Yeah I'm so elated,_

_Cross my heart and hope to die…"_

_ -Saving Jane_

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

Tsukuyomi is unlucky enough to be caught by the Thousand Master's son first.

Or maybe it's lucky, since he's too sentimental to attack her outright. If it had been Mana or Evangeline she might've been in quite the fight by now.

Not to mention Tsukuyomi is fortunate enough to have quite the formidable reputation among this group, since Setsuna has such trouble during their fights. _How silly_, she thinks, to use that as a standard when the girl is tripped up by a couple of mean words and some provocative gestures. Nonetheless, it comes in handy this time because Negi does her the favor of calling the whole group together.

And she hasn't seen Setsuna look so I-don't-give-a-fuck pissed-off since she "mishandled" Ojou-sama in Kyoto. It could be kind of scary under the right circumstances, but Setsuna holds no power over Tsukuyomi, and her anger stems from embarrassment and fear. Which makes it more cute than anything else, in Tsukuyomi's eyes.

"_What_ are you doing here?"

Setsuna asks before her feet even touch the ground. The question sounds more like a demand, especially in a tone that's as close to demonic as Tsukuyomi has heard from her before. _Interesting_.

"I came to visit of course, Senpai! What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't come to see where you lived?"

"You are _not_ – what are you – _damnit_."

Even though Setsuna spent a good deal of time resigning herself to this humiliation before it happened, a huge part of her still wants nothing more than to go die in a hole somewhere. She hadn't expected Tsukuyomi to show up on her doorstep, but thinking back on it, she should've known better. And didn't she deserve it, anyway? Being guilty of the crime means she doesn't have the right to be angry about the punishment anymore. But she still is. Seething, in fact, like her blood is going to boil out of her skin.

"Tsukuyomi-san," Negi speaks up, ever the leader and inappropriately polite, "I think we'd all appreciate it if you'd leave. We don't want to fight you if we don't have to, and I believe I'm not overstepping my bounds when I say that Setsuna-san doesn't want anything to do with you."

"Oh? You'd think so," the blonde can feel the rage bubbling inside Setsuna, and her own skin tingles with anticipation, "But she seemed to want a lot to do with me a couple of nights ago."

Tsukuyomi feigns confusion, tilting her head up and tapping her chin with her finger –

"Or maybe it's that she wanted to do a lot with me? I'm not sure which is right. Senpai, maybe you should – "

"Enough," Negi says with force, cutting off a snarling retort from Setsuna. "If you think you're going to convince us that we should let you stay because you're in some kind of relationship with Setsuna-san, you're mistaken."

"Why don't you ask her yourself then?"

"Fine," Negi says, and turns expectantly to Setsuna.

His look of confidence doesn't waver – and that unshakable loyalty is what really burns – even when Setsuna doesn't immediately answer. She doesn't think she could anyway. There is something primal thrashing inside her, and somehow Setsuna knows if she opens her mouth it won't be words that come out.

"Negi, you really shouldn't be so quick to condemn a relationship like that."

Konoka steps out from the cluster of warriors, and she feels Asuna squeeze her hand as she passes through. She puts her own hand on Negi's shoulder in a comforting gesture, even though he's much taller than her now.

"She's not lying," Konoka says simply, trying to tell Negi without actually telling him that he shouldn't push the issue.

But how can he not, when the safety of his friends is in jeopardy?

At the front of the crowd a gun clicks as it's uncocked.

"That explains a lot," Mana chimes in, looking ready to leave with the danger more-or-less passed, "Also, Setsuna, you're an idiot."

"Seriously. I thought Evangeline was just being mean when she calls you a stupid birdbrain, but now I'm not so sure. Not that it's any of my business, anyway," Chisame offers unhelpfully, ever the cynic and looking just as ready to leave as Mana.

Setsuna can feel her anger balling back up and being replaced by something far harder to deal with: shame.

"Aw, c'mon guys, Setsuna's entitled to some action too! Even if it's with a crazy demon; maybe she's just kinky that way. Who are we to judge?" Haruna – also unhelpful.

"We're able to judge because this relationship makes all of us more susceptible to danger. It's not like I don't trust Setsuna-san, but romantic involvement has a way of clouding people's judgment," Negi knows from far too much second-hand experience. "Setsuna-san, what were you thinking?"

"I was – " Setsuna starts, but doesn't get to finish.

"That she wanted sex, obviously – "

"Haruna, would you cut it out! She's obviously messed up about this enough without your perverted crap," Asuna finally joins in.

"Um, guys, I really just – "

"The pervert has a point, you monkey. Demons have mating cycles, you know, just like humans and animals. Maybe the idiot really was just horny, and it would make sense for demonic urges to seek out other demons," Evangeline's voice is clear from her position on Chachamaru's shoulders, although not even Chachamaru knows when she got there.

"That was only part of – "

"Who are you calling a monkey, you shrimp? Setsuna's not a dog or something, she can control herself just fine. Right, Setsuna?"

"I think so, but – "

"And you're going to doubt six hundred years of experience on a hunch and some sentimental idea of self-control and emotions? You and your other human monkeys really are idiots sometimes."

"You were human too at some point, you stupid –"

"Guys, I really think – "

"Master is right, Asuna-san, there's plenty of evidence, including physiological signs like increased heart rate and persperation, that Setsuna-san may very well be – "

"GUYS!"

Conversation promptly halts at Setsuna's uncharacteristic outburst.

"I'm not a dog, or a bird, or any other kind of animal. I'm perfectly capable of controlling myself, and I had my reasons for doing what I did, even if they were all really bad ones. And yes, a physical relationship _may_ have been one of them, but it wasn't the only one."

"Told you so," Haruna snickers quietly, ignoring the glares from various people.

"So you and Tsukuyomi-san really _are_ dating?" From the way he asks the question, it's easy to see that the dangerous idea makes Negi uncomfortable. But he puts the happiness of his comrades first, and if Tsukuyomi makes Setsuna happy and she's not threatening their lives, then who is he to interfere?

Of course, that's not the situation at all. Tsukuyomi makes Setsuna miserable and angry, actually, but Negi hasn't quite learned about those kinds of relationships yet.

"I wouldn't say that, exactly, but we are… together in some way," Setsuna offers, clearly embarrassed.

Tsukuyomi, who has been silently amused and surprised by how nonchalant this affair has been, finally pipes up.

"Exactly! So Senpai is going to let me come and go as I please, since it's been established that she really _is_ my girlfriend after all."

"After this very obvious attempt at messing with me, you're in no position to call me your girlfriend," Setsuna's tone is mild even through gritted teeth. She's clearly still pissed off about her supposed love-interest's unannounced arrival, but doesn't have the energy to show it.

"Oh? Well, what about the positions I was in the other night? Could I call you 'girlfriend' from one of those?"

Before Setsuna can stutter an answer, there is the fluttering of Mana's overcoat as she turns to go.

"I'm leaving," she announces, looking vaguely disgusted. "And I don't want anything to do with this. Setsuna, if she's staying at Mahora, you're responsible for anything that goes on. And if I catch you guys having sex in our room, I will circumcise both of you."

"I didn't even realize staying was an option," Tsukuyomi looks appropriately pleased, "That actually sounds like a fantastic idea! Unless someone has a problem with it?"

Setsuna definitely has a problem with it, but if it means it will shut Tsukuyomi up, she'll bite her tongue for now.

Asuna and Negi fidget quietly but say nothing. They know Setsuna is entitled to her private life, and she's perfectly capable of keeping track of this girl. Besides, with so many classmates and members of Ala Alba around, there would be little chance of a fight without everyone knowing almost immediately.

Still, Tsukuyomi is undeniably dangerous. She could easily kill a few of their classmates in their sleep before anyone noticed. No matter the precautions, it's definitely not safe, but if everyone agrees…

Konoka can feel several pairs of eyes on her. She and Setsuna haven't spoken since their encounter a few nights ago – presumably the same night Tsukuyomi keeps joyfully mentioning – and she's had time to think about her stance on this strange relationship.

Tsukuyomi's eyes in particular burn a hole in her head, waiting eagerly for a response. But Konoka isn't fazed, and she's watched the whole conversation fly by with a smile on her face.

"I don't mind," she says amicably, and although Tsukuyomi's expression doesn't change she can feel the other girl's surprise. "There's an extra room in my dorm since Fuma and Fumika did that study abroad thing."

"Why thank you Ojou-sama," Tsukuyomi says just as cheerily.

"It's no problem, and I'm sorry our friends were so hostile. We didn't think you'd be appearing or I'd have warned them beforehand, but considering everything, I'm sure you understand."

The tones are still just as friendly, but Asuna can hear the future negotiator of the Kansai Magic Association in Konoka's speech.

Setsuna apparently can too. Although Konoka is obviously trying to be nice, it's hard to gauge Tsukuyomi, and she can't help but feel uneasy having both of them in the same living quarters.

"Tsukuyomi-san, you said you're only here to be with Setsuna-san, right?" Negi asks, interrupting the weird tension.

"That's right."

"Then you won't mind if we put a chi suppressing seal on you, just while you stay here? It'll wear off as soon as you're outside of school grounds."

It's an ultimatum, not a question, and Tsukuyomi doesn't need to kill anyone to have fun here – yet, anyway.

The thought of _not_ killing anyone almost makes her change her mind, but then she remembers Setsuna's willingness to supply her own blood and flesh, and promptly cheers up. She can handle life without death. For a little while at least.

Besides, if she killed anyone here she'd be jumping into a losing battle against all of Ala Alba, which would mean dying. And dying is a lot less fun than killing.

"Of course not," she says with a smile that only Konoka and Setsuna know well enough to be made uneasy, "I completely understand."

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think! (For Christmas?! :D)

**xx**


	6. Who Am I Living For?

**xx**

* * *

_"Heavy is the head that wears the crown;_

_Don't let the greatness get you down..."_

_-Katy Perry_

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

The seal is a pretty little black thing spiraled around her belly button.

During the next couple of nights Tsukuyomi stands in front of her bathroom mirror, utterly naked, and stares disdainfully at it. Although her skills with her sword are still intact, without her chi she would have a hard time taking down some of the stronger mundanes.

And that annoys her.

And being annoyed usually means seeking a kill. Tsukuyomi wistfully thinks of the peace that only taking another's life can afford her; the slight resistance of her blade slicing through flesh, the euphoric feeling of someone else's warm blood and dying groans as she skillfully steals the life out of them.

The thoughts make her crave what she can't have in her current circumstances, which only serves to bother her more.

And thus the cycle of annoyance leaves her restless and unhappy, and she begins to question whether or not this is really that much fun at all.

_I probably should've just killed Senpai when I had the chance_.

But Tsukuyomi isn't one to dwell, especially on regrets. And she doesn't have time to anyway, with someone so impolitely walking right into her room.

The bathroom door is open, and Tsukuyomi smiles at Setsuna's blushing reflection in the mirror. That she can still by embarrassed by the sight of someone she's slept with is so incredibly stupid. And endearing.

"You really shouldn't walk around like that all the time."

"You're the one that didn't knock, Senpai," she reprimands, not really caring.

Setsuna mumbles an apology, looking determinedly at the floor.

Since Tsukuyomi moved in, so to speak, Setsuna has only visited once. Even then it wasn't for long. Usually she watches Tsukuyomi from her window, presumably to make sure she doesn't go on some massacring spree.

The blonde wonders if Setsuna knows she's really very obvious about it. Tsukuyomi has stalked her throughout multiple worlds; recognizing her presence in a crowd is easy, let alone in a sleeping dorm.

But she humors Setsuna anyway. Besides, she'd much rather have her Senpai watch her than the other guards that she's not supposed to notice. It makes it a lot more fun to walk around naked, at any rate.

And really, these people are so prudent. Tsukuyomi had her weapons taken away, and the soft glow of the wards is irritating when she's trying to pretend to sleep, and every time she picks up something sharper than a pencil she can practically _feel_ the gun, or shurikan, or giant robotic cannon being aimed at her head.

_So agitating_.

But at least her Senpai is here now. Although she's used to spending her life alone, and frankly wouldn't have it any other way, staying in this dorm without seeing Setsuna makes Tsukuyomi feel – bad. Or something. She's not sure what it is, just that she doesn't like it.

"Did you come to play with me, Senpai?" She finally asks, cutting the long silence.

Setsuna blushes even more at the undertone in Tsukuyomi's comment.

"Um, no, I was wondering if you, uh, needed anything. Or something. Why do you still call me that, anyway? You've been better than me for a long time."

It's an obvious deflection, and this time Tsukuyomi isn't in the mood to humor her.

Calling Setsuna anything other than "senpai" would be crossing a line for Tsukuyomi. It's a verbal manifestation of the distance that needs to be maintained between them. Closing the emotional gap between herself and her desired prey, however slightly, will only mean trouble.

"Are you sure that's not why you're here?" Tsukuyomi goads, because teasing Setsuna really _is_ great fun, even if it's nice to hear she's not just here for sex. _Not that it makes a difference_, she reminds herself.

When her Senpai doesn't answer Tsukuyomi turns fully around, and Setsuna bunches her hands in her shirt and stares anywhere but the girl in front of her.

Which isn't very much fun for the blonde.

Closing the last couple of feet between them, she tilts Setsuna's head until she's forced to make eye contact.

"Really, Senpai, you are extremely silly."

It takes one long kiss for Setsuna to unbunch her hands from her shirt, one more to get them around Tsukuyomi's waist, three after that to get to the bed –

Where they quickly lose count.

**xxxxxxxx**

Konoka has successfully gone a full week without worrying about it.

Well, that's a lie.

Konoka has gone seven days without _doing_ anything about it.

Since Tsukuyomi arrived she hasn't seen Setsuna at all. Sometimes she can feel her partner's presence watching over her at night, and she's even found Chibi Setsuna hiding in her room a few times to keep an eye on her.

She's glad to know that Setsuna hasn't just stopped caring about her, but even the normally cheerful miniature version of the swordswoman was subdued and distant the couple of times Konoka caught her.

Still, she's said nothing to anyone despite her friends' best efforts to get her to open up about it, and she certainly hasn't done anything about it. Maybe that's because it hadn't really _hit_ her yet.

The image of Tsukuyomi and Setsuna naked in bed together certainly does though.

Like a punch to the fucking ovaries.

The idea of Secchan being with someone else, a former enemy no less, is a hard thing to accept. And it isn't any easier to actually witness.

To her defense, she'd tried knocking several times. When she didn't receive an answer she'd called out and received a response that, muffled by the door, she deciphered as "come in." She now realizes it was probably just a phrase _containing_ the word "come."

Standing in their doorway, she tries not to look as absolutely disgusted as the thought makes her feel.

Setsuna doesn't notice her at first, being a bit distracted.

But Tsukuyomi definitely knows she's there. The blonde just doesn't care.

_That - that- _

"Ugh," she can't help the verbal manifestation of disgust.

It takes Setsuna a second between registering the noise, looking up, recognizing who exactly is at the door, and flailing in sheer panic before tumbling over the side of the bed.

It would be nice to see Setsuna being her normal overly-bashful self, if it weren't for these circumstances. The swordswoman manages to take half the blankets in her less-than-graceful escape, if you can even call it that, and Tsukuyomi sits perfectly in the nude as she says,

"Ojou-sama, I didn't see you there."

If Konoka were anyone else, she probably would've leapt for the kill right then.

"Ko – Kono - ah, Ojou-sama, I, uh – "

"I'll come back later."

She manages to close the door and make it back to her room without screaming.

_Maybe all that self-discipline training is paying off_, she thinks as she fills a kettle with water and sets it to boil. Her hands shake when she scoops the tea into the filter of her teapot, and she dutifully ignores this weakness.

It's not like she didn't already know they were sleeping together. Tsukuyomi made that pretty obvious.

So what is she so mad about?

What _isn't_ she mad about would be a better question. What about this situation _doesn't_ make her want to kill things – if she even knew how to do that, which she doesn't, really.

_Secchan was completely naked and having sex._

Yes, that bothers her.

_Secchan was completely naked and having sex with someone who's tried to kill us._

Yep, that pisses her off too.

The cup in her hands doesn't stand a chance against the sudden burst of magic at her fingertips, where it shatters completely.

_Lucky I didn't fill it yet_, she thinks, because thinking the other things is far harder –

_Setsuna was completely naked and having sex with someone who's tried to kill us – and enjoying it._

_She's never trusted me enough to be anywhere _near _as vulnerable around me. She trusts someone that's trying to murder her more._

Between the anger and the frustration and the suffocating feeling of inadequacy –

_Am I really that bad? Have I done something _that _wrong?_

- Konoka realizes that she won't even think of Setsuna by her childhood nickname.

Because she's too pissed off.

Because she's too hurt.

Because _Secchan_ would never, _never_ hurt her.

_Because we're not kids anymore_.

And forget the stupid training because she's crying now, which is horribly bad timing since someone is knocking on her door.

Trying to keep her fragile wits about her, Konoka wipes her eyes and tries to stay steady for this inevitable confrontation.

"Tsukuyomi-san," she greets through her half opened door.

"Ojou-sama," said girl responds, that infuriating smile on her face.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Senpai was awfully upset, so she sent me to come check on you."

"You're lying. She doesn't know you're here," Konoka says impatiently, because maybe she doesn't know that much about Setsuna after all, but she knows that Setsuna would never send Tsukuyomi to talk to her.

"Good catch. Are you alright, Ojou-sama? You seem rather short of patience – "

"What's your _angle_ here, Tsukuyomi-san? Do you want something from us, or are you just so twisted and depraved that you get off on causing all of us pain?"

"Au contraire," Tsukuyomi responds whimsically, obviously not bothered by the insults, "If you want to talk about being twisted and depraved and getting off on pain, you should ask your _Secchan _about it, not me."

"Fuck you."

Konoka's voice is trembling and the hand wrapped around the doorframe squeezes until her knuckles are white. She wants to scream, and she can feel whatever self-control she had slipping, and she's _losing it-_

"Maybe I'd let you if your partner wasn't already – "

She doesn't have time to finish the sentence before Konoka slams the door in her face. But the giggling is even more maddening than the smiling.

"Really, Ojou-sama, I came here to give you some friendly advice, but it's just so easy to tease you."

"And what advice would any sane person _possibly_ take from you?" Konoka asks, her back against the door like Tsukuyomi might try and burst through it.

"You should stay away from Senpai."

It's Konoka that ends up bursting through the door, though. It swings open wildly, accompanied by her indignant yell.

"_Who_ do you think you _are_? You think you can come in and tell me how to act around Setsuna? I've known her for my whole – "

"I've known her longer," Tsukuyomi's voice slides calmly between shouts, effectively cutting Konoka off. "I think you're forgetting that Setsuna and I trained together for several years of our early life, and I've been following her ever since."

"That might be true, but stalking someone isn't knowing them," Konoka replies, but her tone is beginning to sound desperate even to her own ears.

"Isn't it? Tell me, Ojou-sama," Tsukuyomi saunters through the door, untouchable, "Where is Senpai from?"

"She was raised in _my father's_ home."

"Where was she _born_?" The blonde clarifies, slowly circling closer to the rigid girl still holding the doorframe.

_Now _this_ is fun_, Tsukuyomi thinks happily. She'd been starting to forget why she decided to stay here in the first place. Which would be bad. _Very bad, _she reaffirms, attacking the poor girl in front of her with renewed vigor.

"The truth is that you don't know _anything_ about Senpai. You act like she didn't exist when you didn't know her. But I think you've already recognized that's not true."

Konoka _does_ recognize that, but she's not about to agree with Tsukuyomi.

"You can tell me trivial things – and you're right, that's something I can't do. I can't tell you what her favorite foods are, or what kind of music she likes to listen to when she's uspet, but the sad part is that _you_ can't even tell me where she was born. Do you know the hellish training Shinmeryuu warriors go through? Do you know how much harder it was since she volunteered to guard the _esteemed_ Konoe heir?"

Konoka's panic is palpable; Tsukuyomi can practically taste it.

This is _definitely_ what she's here for.

She leans forward against the door until their faces are inches apart.

"Did you know she considered herself such a failure in your eyes that she nearly died of exhaustion the first year of her training?"

Tsukuyomi is practically whispering in her ear now, but Konoka is frozen to the floor.

"She was _seven_."

That _fucking _smile never even falters –

"And where were you?"

"Stop it," Konoka snaps suddenly, springing away and clutching her ears, "I don't want to hear this."

"Of course you don't. I'm just another reminder that you're no good for her. You took her for granted and she placed you on some ridiculous, undeserved pedestal, and somehow she still thinks she'll never be good enough for you. Isn't that funny?"

"So she stooped down to _you_ instead," Konoka says, a last ditch attempt at salvaging some of her self-respect. "Why are you doing this, Tsukuyomi? If you really cared about her you wouldn't be saying this to me."

"That's probably true, but I _don't_ care about her. Except as something entertaining to watch between jobs, and someone whose blood I'd _love_ to spill all over myself someday. When I'm bored of her. That's the great thing about being absolutely, utterly free: I don't have to worry about hurting anybody's _feelings_."

"You're a psycho."

It comes out more horrified than threatening, unfortunately.

"And you're a spoiled brat, _Ojou-sama_, and Senpai isn't some heavenly warrior-angel come here to wait on you. She paid a price to even know you, and although it may be hard for you to believe, she's killed and nearly died for you many times. The irony is that – and this is my favorite part," Tsukuyomi says with something akin to glee, "she dirtied herself so much to preserve your _normality,_ and your _innocence_, and your _kindness_, that she now honestly believes she's too ruined and you're too perfect for both of you to be together. And you can't even tell me what color her eyes are."

"Get out," Konoka's voice is shaky and she stares unseeingly at some spot on the floor.

Tsukuyomi says nothing more, presumably satisfied with the amount of havock she's wreaked, and walks straight past Konoka and back to her room.

Konoka hardly notices. At some point she closes the door, and sometime later – minutes, hours – she's on the couch, cross-legged and hands folded in her lap. She's probably been sitting there for some time because her feet are long asleep, and moving them causes a surprising amount of pain, so she stays perfectly still.

And that's how Asuna finds her when she comes home from work, hours later.

"Konoka?" the redhead asks, waving a hand in front of her roommate's face but not receiving a response. "I've been talking to you for like ten minutes and you haven't said anything. Are you alright?"

It takes a moment for Konoka's eyes to refocus. She squeezes her toes and ignores the shooting pain up her leg, glad to have it help her return to the world of the living.

She hasn't thought of anything for however long she's been here, she realizes. She hasn't thought about a little girl dying to keep her safe and happy, not knowing she would've been so much happier if they'd only been together. She hasn't thought about the color of Setsuna's eyes, or her hair, and she hasn't thought about that sword – her father's sword – wielded by the small hands of a girl who'd barely hit puberty. And she certainly hasn't thought about it slicing through flesh, or the guilt that comes afterwards.

Konoka hasn't thought about suffering, or about the things Setsuna keeps hidden away to protect her.

"It was Tsukuyomi, wasn't it?" Konoka realizes Asuna is talking to her, that familiar righteous fury coming into her mismatched eyes, "If she did something to you, tell me, and I'll go make sure that she _never_ does it again."

"Asuna," is the only thing Konoka can get out before all the thoughts come rushing in at once, pushing the tears past their spill point, and Asuna has to quell her rage for now to put a hand around the brunette's shoulders and rub her back.

"What did she do to you?"

"Nothing," Konoka says, because now she's thought about it:

All of Setsuna's pain, and guilt, and self-torment, and all the years Konoka hadn't been there to comfort her. All the time she hadn't spent telling Setsuna she didn't have to do those things, that Konoka was never mad about anything, that Konoka _loves her so much, how could I let her do those things for me?_

And Setsuna did it all for nothing but the memory of a six-year-old girl, and the hope that maybe she'd see her again someday.

Konoka can hardly breathe at the thought of it.

And now when Setsuna needs her the most, Konoka's letting her get swept away by a murderous psychopath for the sake of being – what? Polite? Respectful?

"Konoka, you can tell me. I won't kill her if you don't want me to," Asuna half-heartedly promises.

"Thank you," she smiles, sincere, "but Tsukuyomi only told me what I needed to hear."

She has two options, as far as she can see. The first would be to let Setsuna fall further into an uncaring sexual relationship with someone who would inevitably kill her. Konoka knows the blonde meant it when she said she'd end Setsuna's life on a whim.

And Konoka will be damned before she lets that happen. She may not have suffered an ounce as much as Setsuna in their years apart, but it was enough to teach her that a life without Setsuna isn't a life.

The second option is to pry the winged girl away from her psychotic pseudo-girlfriend.

Well. It isn't much of a choice.

She'd had her patience, and her kindness, and her respect, and those were all the things that Setsuna had devoted herself to protecting, and she'd cherish them like the gifts Setsuna considered them to be. But they aren't going to help her now.

Instead they serve as a reminder. _Setsuna is a greater person than I've ever been. I'm not better than her by a longshot._

All those years of self-hatred and deprecation means convincing Setsuna of that won't be easy though. In order for them to be together, she has to get Setsuna to realize that she's not too ruined or too broken, and that Konoka isn't better than her in any sense of the word.

_It's the opposite if anything_, she thinks again, feeling the shame of her ignorance.

But if Setsuna is convinced that Konoka is too innocent and clean, and the swordswoman will understandably never see herself being equal to that, Konoka only has one choice.

_I'll just have to get dirty_.

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**xx**

Reviews make awesome Christmas presents!

**xx**


	7. Drain You

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_"I don't care what you think_

_Unless it is about me..."_

_-Nirvana_

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**xxxxxxxx**

She is breaking her pattern tonight, if you can call something that's happened all of four times a pattern.

Setsuna lies in Tsukuyomi's bed, which is extremely uncomfortable since it's obviously meant for one person, and stares at the bottom of the top bunk.

She's still naked, and for some reason she can't will herself to get up and leave.

It would be rather silly anyway. No point running off when you live right next door. And besides, she doesn't have much to hide anymore, which means she doesn't have to be back in her bed by a certain time. All her friends know, and thanks to Konoka's intervention, everything went far better than expected. She tries to ignore the clenching feeling in her stomach when she remembers Konoka sticking up for her.

_She really is amazing_. If it had been Konoka dating some guy or other, Setsuna doubts she would've been able to resist murdering him for more than a few dates. And yet here she is, in bed with someone that's tried to kill the person she loves. Luckily Tsukuyomi manages to distract her before the self-disgust consumes her.

"Don't your contacts bother you when you sleep?"

Setsuna hesitates, caught off guard by the question.

"Sometimes," she admits.

"You can take them off, you know."

"I don't do that," Setsuna responds guardedly.

Tsukuyomi has to giggle at that.

"Senpai, I can kind of understand why you're so uncomfortable in your own skin all the time around humans, but don't you think it's kind of ridiculous when it's me?"

Well, yes, Setsuna realizes. Tsukuyomi is even less human than she is. What's the point in hiding her stranger traits around someone with weirder ones?

"Okay," she finally says, and gets up to go use the mirror.

The bathroom light flicks on and off rather quickly, and Setsuna slips back into the dark room and under the covers. At first she looks pointedly away from the girl next to her, until Tsukuyomi gently nudges her into turning around.

Even with a full moon shining in the window, it's still dark, but Tsukuyomi doesn't need light to see. She is greeted by a pair of azure eyes that could _almost_ be normal, if they weren't so startlingly bright.

"Albinism?" Tsukuyomi asks, unfazed, but intrigued.

Setsuna nods, feeling her discomfort ebb away by the other girl's lack of reaction.

"Only partial, so my eyes aren't red or anything. Thankfully," she adds as an afterthought. That bit of color in her eyes is likely what kept her from being killed when she was born.

Tsukuyomi sees the thoughts fly by behind Setsuna's eyes.

"I've met a few full-blooded crow demons before. I like your wings far better, Senpai, they're more graceful looking. And your eyes too. They're very pretty. And intense. They suit you."

"Um, thank you," she says, flattered the same way she was when her friends had first complimented her wings, and just as awkward about it. Still, it eases her insecurities quite a bit to be so easily accepted.

Since her arrival in the human world no one but Evangeline ever questioned her about her life before Mahora. Although Konoka probably has some kind of idea, she'd never asked out of respect. But Tsukuyomi hardly has to worry about offending Setsuna when they come from the same place, not that she would anyway, and abnormalities would hardly bother the strange girl.

"I guess your clan wasn't very fond of them, though."

"No, they weren't. My eyes are the only thing that kept me from being killed when I was born," Setsuna says to her own surprise. She continues on anyway. She has nothing to be ashamed of in front of someone like Tsukuyomi, she reminds herself. "Once they recognized the rest of me wasn't going to change, the only thing that saved me was Eishun-sama."

"Are there more like you?"

"No," Setsuna growls through clenched teeth, "Albinism isn't all that uncommon among the Uzoku. From what I remember, there was at least one born like me every year in our tiny village, but none had my _good fortune_. I doubt they were allowed a second breath."

"Why's that?" Tsukuyomi asks idly. This was initially just pretext to get more information on Setsuna, if only so her talk with Konoka wasn't a complete bluff. But the longer the conversation, the later Setsuna will leave. It's so boring without her around, and there's that uncomfortable feeling when Tsukuyomi's alone in her room. And anyway, seeing her Senpai angry is exciting. She loves the emotions that fly across the other girl's face when they fight, and this is similar. It's all very entertaining.

Plus, Tsukuyomi can admit she's curious. It's more fun to kill someone when you know all the things they're losing when they die.

"Bad luck, I think. Supposedly, if we grow up and show our wings, we cast a curse on those that see them. _Great_ reason to murder people," she mutters sarcastically.

Tsukuyomi doesn't really think you need a reason to murder people, but it might be inappropriate to say that now.

"If it makes you feel better, I've killed a few of your kind before."

"Good," Setsuna says before she can stop herself, and even Tsukuyomi looks surprised.

"Sorry, that was uncalled for," she mumbles, embarrassed again.

Tsukuyomi _really_ has to laugh at that one.

"Are you _seriously _telling _me _you're sorry for saying you want to kill someone? Honestly, Senpai, you worry about the strangest things."

Setsuna smiles at the truth of it. And it's a nice change of pace to hear Tsukuyomi laugh without it being followed by an attempt on her life.

Not to mention if she had made that comment around any of her friends they would've looked at her completely differently. No doubt she would've lost some of their respect, or their trust. Few of them understand bitterness or anger or bloodlust so huge you can choke on it.

_But Tsukuyomi does_, something in her head whispers quietly.

"What about _your_ eyes?" Setsuna asks suddenly.

"What about them?"

"Sometimes before we'd fight they'd… change," she hesitates, remembering with a chill the way Tsukuyomi could look before battle. "Is that how they normally are?"

"Mhmm, when I don't have to worry about scaring my employers, or being harassed by humans. I've been told they're rather terrifying."

"Who tells you that?"

"The people I kill, usually. Before they die."

"…Oh. Well, I don't think I fit any of those categories. Yet, anyway," she adds, maybe a bit nervously.

"No, I suppose you don't."

It takes Setsuna a moment to register the change when it happens.

They really are scary. Tsukuyomi's irises turn yellow, and the white of her eyes black, giving her an otherworldly and wholly demonic appearance. _And she's only a small girl_, Setsuna thinks, trying her hardest not to reflexively move away, _I'd hate to see those eyes on someone bigger than her_. It certainly didn't help that every time she'd seen them before, it was right before a fight for her life.

Tsukuyomi says nothing about the look on Setsuna's face, but there is another strange feeling in her somewhere, like maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.

"They remind me of something," Setsuna starts slowly, interrupting her thoughts, "When I was really young, Ojou-sama made me sneak us into a rated R horror movie. Before the main character gets killed, the camera zooms out and there's this huge yellow moon in the background. They remind me of that – your eyes, I mean. Like something out of a nightmare."

There is a sinking cold feeling, like brain freeze, but in her stomach. Tsukuyomi doesn't know why it's there, but it makes her think that this really _was_ a bad idea, and she should just change them back again. And _really it doesn't matter_, she reminds herself – except that it does, apparently –

"When it was over, Ojou-sama was so scared she cried the whole night."

There is a hand removing her glasses, and Setsuna whispers like she's telling a secret.

"But I loved it."

The chill in Tsukuyomi disperses, and she's more than happy to pretend it was never there in the first place.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were being nice to me, Senpai."

"Not possible," Setsuna says jokingly, not missing a beat, and they're both relieved to be back on familiar ground.

"I don't see why not, I'm always nice to _you_."

"Nice to me?" She asks incredulously, "I suppose you call me cute sometimes in-between trying to kill me or ruin my life, if that's what you mean."

"I haven't killed you yet, though."

"No, you haven't," Setsuna admits.

"And if I do?"

"Then I'll be dead."

Tsukuyomi has nothing to say to that. The thought resounds in her mind, echoed by that same strange feeling she's had alone in her room for the past few days.

_If Senpai were dead-_

Some ideas shouldn't be bothered with prematurely, Tsukuyomi decides, squashing down that odd sensation. When the time comes that she gets bored of this game, she'll kill Setsuna without a thought. It won't be hard.

For some reason that idea doesn't make her feel any better.

But Setsuna's accepted it as well. When Tsukuyomi gets tired of their non-relationship and decides to kill her, Setsuna will fight, but she also knows she'll lose.

Maybe this is the best way to protect Konoka for now, then. She isn't able to kill Tsukuyomi outside school grounds, and she won't kill her when the blonde can't fight back, so keeping Tsukuyomi subdued this way seems like the only feasible option.

If she has to spend her last days or weeks or months this way with Tsukuyomi, getting accustomed to the thought of losing her life, well…

It's a scary idea, but like with Tsukuyomi's eyes, Setsuna thinks she could get used to it.

The quick and painful thought of _who will protect Ojou-sama_ crosses her mind momentarily, but she shoves it away. Once Ojou-sama is done with her mage training, especially the parts done with Evangeline, she'll be able to fend for herself. And all their friends will make sure she's alright until someone else – _someone better_ – can be with her in all the ways she needs. The ways Setsuna can't.

And there's no getting used to that.

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**xx**

Present... Christmas... Review... Yeah, this is just shameless begging now :)

**xx**


	8. Chop Suey

**A/N: **First of all, thank you to everyone who reviewed! And for those that are following this story. It's super-duper appreciated, and all of your encouragement was an awesome Christmas gift haha. Since everyone's been super cool and I haven't updated in a while, this set of chapters is extra-long (10k words, hurray!).

I alternated viewpoints in the following two chapters so things didn't get monotonous, and just to show that our two lovebirds are in totally separate places right now (don't worry, they'll sort their drama out fairly soon.) Hopefully it's not confusing, and the bit about Konoka's magic usage will become relevant later. As for Konoka's big plan… ah, yes, she comes up with something quite dramatic. I hope you all like reading it as much as I had fun coming up with it! It will appear in this installment, a couple of chapters from now.

Happy New Year everyone, and enjoy!

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_"I don't think you trust in my self-righteous suicide,_

_I cry when angels deserve to die…"_

_-System of a Down_

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Konoka remembered halfway through making her plans that she'd told Tsukuyomi no sane person would take her advice. With that sound statement in mind, she'd decided to take the more obvious route first.

Although her last conversation with Setsuna hadn't ended so well, she'd had higher hopes for this one. She knows now that she shouldn't have.

"You know I love you, right?" She'd asked rather casually. Neither of them mentioned they'd never admitted this fact to each other before.

"I know."

"And you love me?"

"Yes, I love you very much," Setsuna agreed, saying the words slowly like she was trying to get a feel for them.

"Then we should be together, right?"

Konoka can admit that some part of her – _stupid, unrealistic part_ – was kind of hoping she'd just say yes and that would be the end of it.

"No, we shouldn't."

"Why?" She'd demanded, and the question came out more hostile than she'd intended.

"Ojou-sama – "

"That's not my name."

"Ko- Konoka," again the words tripped on their way out, their feel unfamiliar. "I'm your bodyguard. If we're together in – other ways, I'd be compromising your safety."

"And when I finish my training? What excuse will you make then?"

"They're not excuses," Setsuna had said tiredly, "I'm not trying to get out of a relationship with you. There's nothing I want more than that, actually."

"Then explain to me, slowly please, _exactly_ why that's not a possibility."

Setsuna, who'd been staring attentively at the tea she hadn't touched, finally looked at her. She looked tired. Not take-a-cat-nap tired; the kind of tired that makes you want to sleep and never get up again.

"Because if I were anyone else, you would hate me for the things I've done in my life."

"That's not true," she'd said, but even before she'd finished saying it, the words felt like a lie.

"It is. And you'd be right to."

"You had your reasons – "

"_You_ are my reason," Setsuna said easily, "And in my eyes, that will always be justification. But it isn't for the people I've hurt."

"And who, exactly, have you hurt?" Konoka asked, but now wishes she hadn't. Setsuna finally took a sip of her tea, taking time to formulate her response.

"You have to be good at killing to be the sole bodyguard of someone so important," she finally started, "You have to be able to slit someone's throat without blinking an eye; you have to be able to separate yourself from your victim until you can sit there and smile when they beg for their life. And that takes practice."

"So you fought to protect me."

"Sometimes," Setsuna admitted, "Sometimes they'd send me out to take care of criminals for practice. Other times they'd send me out for people who didn't agree with the principles of the Kansai, or people – good people – who'd broken the Shinmeryuu honor code."

Konoka watched Setsuna remember from across the table.

"Sometimes people would get in the way, Konoka. And sometimes their families would too."

"You – but you're not –"

"And sometimes," Setsuna had said, looking at Konoka, urging her to understand, "Sometimes I liked it."

There was a shiver sneaking its way up her spine, and Konoka bit her tongue to keep it down. This was _Setsuna_ she was talking to. She had no reason to be frightened, or disturbed, or uncomfortable.

Except she was.

"But those people that died, you can't blame yourself for that, Konoka. You can't fault yourself for existing."

But she does. When she was thinking about what outfit to wear to school and what to eat for lunch, people were dying. So she could be safe. So she could worry about things like clothes and bento.

And Setsuna had been the one killing them – for practice, to prove herself fit to guard the Konoe heir. She'd taken the burden of all those souls so Konoka would never have to feel it weighing her down.

They are now though.

"Then why are you telling me?"

"Because you asked. And because I want you to understand that I'll only bring you down. Now, especially, I'll just be a reminder of the things I've told you about. And the things I haven't."

"I _don't. care._"

Konoka knows it sounded childish, but it's the truth.

"I want to be with you, Setsuna, and didn't you say that's why all this happened? So I can be happy? _You_ make me happy, despite all the things you've done, and – _damnit_," she'd yelled, voice cracking, "I don't _want_ to be sheltered and happy and normal if people have to die because of it. No one should be dying for that, and you shouldn't have to carry around this _ridiculous_ burden. If anyone wants to bother me I'll kill them _myself_."

"I don't want that," Setsuna snapped, "I never want that for you. As long as I'm alive, you'll never have to feel the same way I do. You're perfect the way you are, Konoka. You should find someone as perfect as you."

"And what if I'm not perfect? What then?" She'd asked, shaking with anger and overwhelmed by her knew knowledge.

Setsuna hadn't answered.

And so here she is, on her way to Evangeline's cabin for biweekly training, feeling just about ready to explode.

She wants to talk to her father, first of all. She wants to ask him – how could he? How could he think that sheltering her was more important than the lives and happiness of other people? How could he do that to Setsuna, to the people who didn't deserve to die, _how could he do that to _me?

But Konoka already knows the answer. Negi was right when he'd said that love can cloud a person's judgment. And Konoka loves her dad too, and she knows it's not all his fault. He doesn't run the Shinmeryuu, and he isn't always giving the orders. But he knew. And that's enough of a betrayal to sting.

Evangeline is lounging in the backyard when Konoka arrives.

"You're early."

"Do you want me to wait? I can come back – "

"No, you're here now," Evangeline says flippantly, looking up from her book, "I want you to keep working on the same thing. Can you handle that?"

"Of course."

Konoka takes a deep, calming breath, and gives herself some distance from Evangeline's cabin.

She closes her eyes and searches for that strange tug, warning her that she's reaching into her magic. Slowly, like trying to let a trickle out of a damn, she summons it to her hand.

It appears there as an incandescent ball of light, shimmering slightly and looking beautiful as ever. It's hard for Konoka to believe that all this energy exists inside her all the time, just waiting for her to use it.

Just like she'd practiced, the ball starts to come apart, turning into a winding stream in front of her. Her hands move and the magic follows, swirling and making shapes in the air. When she's sure she has it, she lets the trickle turn into a little stream. The light gets bigger, and she spreads her hands apart to make it stretch like taffy.

It's all rather anti-climactic in Konoka's eyes, but Evangeline had assured her that this would end up being her greatest trick. 'Something only she could do,' the vampire had said, and Konoka thought that sounded pretty cool at the time.

It wasn't until three weeks into her training that Evangeline revealed she had no idea how it was going to work.

At first she'd learned basic spells like the _sagitta magica_, and _cura_, and a dozen others in her free time. It was obvious she had an affinity for light and healing, something Evangeline had very little experience with, so the vampire had quickly decided on an entirely different method of teaching.

"Mages usually have to incant their spells, not only to activate each one individually, but also to give their magic form and power. Notice when you cast _sagitta magica_ you have to say the exact number of arrows? If you didn't, it would be some shapeless, directionless blast. Unless you have _very _specific intent, magic can be hard to control."

Evangeline had stopped her pacing to rest her surprisingly intimidating gaze on Konoka.

"And _you_," she'd said, floating slightly so they were on eye level, "have enough magic stored in that body of yours to blow up Australia."

"But I like Australia."

"And since I have no clue in hell how to heal people," the vampire had continued, ignoring the other girl's remark, "Instead of trying to explain to you something I can't even perform, you're going to do something else entirely. Something only you can do."

It was an exciting prospect for Konoka, who had felt rather useless after their adventure in the magical world.

"I want you to learn to use your magic in free form. You'll need to learn to control the output first so you don't accidentally explode, or implode, etcetera."

"O…kay," Understandably, Konoka was a bit skeptical, "But how am I supposed to do that?"

"Figure it out," Evangeline had said, and so she did.

Being the only one of their group to attempt it, she had very little to go on, and no teachers. Evangeline operated more as a safety net to contain her in case things get out of hand.

It took her a month to even figure out how to pull the magic out of her, and for her free time in the past year she'd been working on getting this far. It's not easy, and often times she has to stop her training to prevent the damn of magic from bursting. But she's making headway, and although the vampire hasn't said anything yet, Konoka can tell she's impressed. And curious. She might be the only one able to perform something like this.

Now if only she could learn how to _use_ it for something.

Even with her little ball of magical light in her hands, she doesn't know where to put it.

Evangeline told her the answer would come with time and training, but so far every effort was a flop. Throwing it didn't work, and forming it into an arrow shape didn't set it off into a _sagitta magica _unless she verbally casted the spell.

So up until now she'd worked on control, but when she found she could alter the amount of magic and change its shape like second nature, Konoka knew she needed to move on.

_If only I wasn't so useless at this_, she sighs, disappointed with herself again.

"You seem distracted."

Konoka jumps in surprise and the magic wavers slightly, shimmering like fish scales in the sunlight. She'd hardly even noticed Evangeline appear next to her.

_Some fighter I am_.

"I have a lot on my mind," she admits.

"Let me guess. Tsukuyomi?"

For a split second Konoka is blinded by something as close to hatred as she's ever gotten, and the next she's watching her magic fly away from her like shattering glass.

And she's suddenly _very_ glad that it's Evangeline and not Negi watching her this time, because the spike of light through the vampire's stomach definitely would've killed the younger boy.

"Goddamnit, that fucking _hurts_."

"Oh my God, Evangeline, I'm so sorry – here, let me – "

Evangeline brushes her off, yanking the thin spear of light out of her torso with nothing more than a wince. And yep, Konoka is _really_ glad it's Evangeline, because the hole gauged in her would probably kill a normal person without some serious pactio healing magic.

"How the hell did you do that?" Evangeline asks, and Konoka is relieved to find she sounds more amazed than angry.

"I don't know; I don't remember. You just said that name, and the next thing I knew, my magic just scattered like that."

Evangeline hums in consideration, staring warily at the mage in front of her.

"I want to try something, but you're not going to like it."

"What did you have in mind?"

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**xxxxxxxx**

Tsukuyomi can hear it.

There is a steady pulse of life threaded between the trees, hidden to those that don't bother to look hard enough. She does though, and the noise resounds in her head: each life sustaining squeeze of the heart.

They're only animals, of course. And animals provide a different kind of fun, one that isn't as satisfying.

On the brightside, they squirm. They wriggle and thrash to their very last breath because they're too stupid to understand how little of a chance they have. Their only thought is to get away and survive, and Tsukuyomi enjoys watching that primal, animalistic struggle, and feeling it beneath her hands. But at the same time, it's not as much fun as killing a human.

With animals there is no plea for life, no final look of resignation. Humans die beneath her blade knowing that their lives are being unfairly stripped from them; animals die with only the vaguest notion of having been alive in the first place.

There is so much _fire_ in human death. So many last thoughts and regrets. Animals don't have those.

Still, Tsukuyomi itches to feel that overwhelming power as she drives the life out of something, anything that gushes blood, and animals are better than nothing at this point.

The only thing is she'd have a hard time catching anything worth killing. Inside the wards she still has her dexterity, but in terms of catching a wild animal, that doesn't leave her too much better off than a normal human. She can't trick a rabbit into getting close to her like she can with humans; she thinks maybe they're smarter for that, if nothing else.

And then, of course, there's the human element in the animal kill. The threat of interference.

She can only get so far away from the people of Mahora without leaving the magically protected zone around it. That would mean breaking her seal, which means very little chance of coming back, which means no Setsuna.

Her stomach clenches with anxiety; the same feeling she has alone in her room.

No, no, that won't do. Watching Setsuna struggle is more fun than any human or any animal. She's not ready to give that up yet.

_Speaking of Senpai_…

She can feel Setsuna's chi not too far from here. Her heartbeat outpaces those between the trees. It's wild and erratic, like when they fight and she knows she's going to lose.

Tsukuyomi takes one look at the forest and leaves the animal heartbeats behind.

Predictably, she finds Setsuna training.

Well, kind of.

Her sword is cast aside, but it doesn't look like she needs it. Most of the trees are splintered and the larger rocks are shattered; she flies into the intact ones with blatant disregard for form or safety, a whirling ball of what is obviously fury.

Tsukuyomi can feel her own heart quicken.

There is sweat slicking Setsuna's skin and dampening her hair. Her arms and legs are lacerated from flying debris, and she's let the blood run freely to mark her targets and soak her clothes. There's bruising on her knuckles, although it's hard for Tsukuyomi to see her hands clearly with how fast she's moving. But it doesn't take much to notice that her eyes are most definitely blue.

And the claws. Can't forget those.

Tsukuyomi has never seen her quite like this. She is desperate in a whole different way, and primal in her desires, and so recklessly, _beautifully_ eager for pain –

Tsukuyomi can tell she's breathing too fast for someone standing still, and her eyes transition smoothly into their natural yellow and black.

She wants to be part of this ritual, whatever it is, so badly. She wants to ease that crazed desperation, to choke all those feelings out of Setsuna. She wants _Setsuna_, the way she is now.

The whirlwind dies down and Setsuna is left standing still, bent over in exhaustion and skin glistening slightly in the light coming through the trees. She looks sideways at Tsukuyomi, who hasn't budged.

Then, all of a sudden, Setsuna is in front of her with one clawed hand deep in the tree bark behind her. Tsukuyomi is almost too excited to speak, but she manages.

"The claws are new."

"I think they're talons," Setsuna answers in a surprisingly even tone for how absolutely murderous she looks.

"That would make more sense. When did that happen?"

"Ojou-sama came to talk to me. It didn't go well."

"That's probably my fault."

Tsukuyomi isn't reluctant to admit it since this – Setsuna's reaction – is exactly the response she was looking for anyway.

And boy, does she look _pissed_.

"I should've known," she snarls, looking as angry at herself as she is at Tsukuyomi. Really, she shouldn't have thought she could count on Tsukuyomi to not interfere.

Setsuna rips her hand out of the tree, finding slight satisfaction in the ripping noise and the stab of splintered wood in the palm of her hand.

Even though she somehow manages to remain composed, Setsuna is _burning_ with rage. And not just at Tsukuyomi, and not just at herself. It's useless to be mad at one's circumstances, Setsuna knows, and it's childish to throw tantrums about bad fortune. Especially when you bring it upon yourself. But she _is_ mad, and fuck it, she'll damn well throw a fit if she wants to.

_Nothing_ about her life is fair. She's had shitty luck literally since the day she was born: her birth place, her body, her heritage, her stupid emotional hang-ups, the violent urges that are both bred and conditioned – all of it fucks her over, and there isn't a thing she can do about it because she's already made all her choices.

But no child of seven could have understood the consequences of decisions so huge. There's only A and B for someone so young, only blind purpose and shallow cause. And even as an adult –a stupid, masochistic, emotionally fucked-up adult – she would make the same. Damn. Decisions.

Maybe that's what's pissing her off most of all. She would still go back and offer her life, her soul, her sanity, to protect Konoka.

(Even in her most indulgent time-travelling fantasy, it never occurs to Setsuna that she could have simply stayed friends with Konoka after the river incident. Self-loathing runs through her like a current.)

And now that she's involved herself in Konoka's life, it's all she can do to protect the girl from being sucked into her own personal shitstorm. A relationship with someone so unarguably, irrevocably messed-up is not something Setsuna wants for Konoka.

As for Setsuna herself… Well, it sucks any which way you look at it. And even though she feels like that's unchangeable, she'll allow herself this small indulgence today, this childish fit of self-loathing and anger and wishing things could be different.

And when she's let it all out and has a firm grip on her sanity again, she'll have to face the fact that things will never, ever be different.

Which makes her so mad she could just –just –

"Tsukuyomi."

"Yes, Senpai?"

"I want to kill something."

Setsuna may as well have gotten down on one knee and proposed, judging from the delighted look on Tsukuyomi's face.

"We could leave," Tsukuyomi is uncharacteristically excited, "The edge of the forest is just a few miles away – we could leave and my seal would be broken, and I'm sure there are people wandering around just far enough outside of town that –"

"No," Setsuna says, leaving no room for argument. She may be pissed, but she's not about to go kill innocents.

Problem being, there's no one around _except_ innocents.

Unless you count the two of them, of course.

Setsuna, who had been staring over Tsukuyomi's shoulder, snaps her gaze back to meet the girl's yellow eyes.

"I'll kill _you_."

Tsukuyomi considers this for a moment.

"I suppose you could," she starts slowly, contemplating, "I'd be really easy to kill right now, without my chi or my sword."

"No," Setsuna says again, "_Fight me_."

Before the blonde can answer she feels her feet lift the ground, and there's this great _burst_ of air as Setsuna releases her wings and carries her just barely over the tops of the trees.

Tsukuyomi can feel the seal weakening as they near the edge of the magical wards. Just as it's about to snap Setsuna spreads her wings wide and upright to halt them, and they fall gently onto grass.

"We're not out of the wards," she puts a hand over her stomach, feeling the seal's weak energy.

"You need a handicap."

"I guess my lack of a sword is a handicap as well?"

Reflexively she opens her hand to catch Yuunagi as it's thrown at her. She can't remember seeing Setsuna even pick it up.

"I won't need it," Setsuna curls her taloned fingers for emphasis.

"You'll lose."

She can see Setsuna's response written all over her face. _That's the plan_.

Her wings fold strangely into her back just before she makes a straightforward lunge for Tsukuyomi. Without them she looks more like a cat than a bird, pouncing with claws out and teeth bared.

Tsukuyomi sidesteps easily, feeling some of her own power come back, and swings upwards in a narrow arc in an attempt to catch Setsuna in the space she'd been standing a second ago.

She's caught off guard when Setsuna, whose vision is apparently sharper than usual, knocks the blade to the side with the back of her hand. She lands a second later, turns, and before Tsukuyomi can jump out of the way there's a very forceful kick in the middle of her back.

Normally she wouldn't have let that phase her, but she can feel warmth dripping down from where the kick struck her and soaking into her shirt. Letting herself hit the ground, she pauses the fight momentarily to check. As she thought, it's blood.

One look at Setsuna's ripped up sneakers explains that mystery. Although, being a bird-like creature, having talons on her feet really isn't all that strange.

"You're full of surprises today, Senpai."

Tsukuyomi stands up, brushing herself off and taking a few steps back to give herself some distance. Once she's ready again, she looks at Setsuna and calmly tells her, "You're more like your kind than I thought."

She smiles at Setsuna's visible rage – she loves that expression – and readies herself for the next exchange of blows.

_This is going to be fun_.

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	9. Push

**xx**

* * *

_"I wanna take you for granted;_

_Well, I will…"_

_-Matchbox 20_

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

It looks like her, and it talks like her, and it even _smiles _like her.

_But it's not,_ Konoka reminds herself, staring nervously at the image of Tsukuyomi in front of her.

"Uh, you're sure this is a good idea?"

"For the last time, she's _not_ real. It's just a shadow image, kind of like that ninja girl's clones."

But if it quacks like a duck, and it walks like a duck… well, it's probably close enough to a duck. Enough to fight like one at any rate.

"Alright, pull out as much magic as you can. As soon as you're done, I'm going to send her in."

"W – wait, Evangeline," before she can finish the vampire's already backed off, leaving Konoka with Tsukuyomi. Or some version of her, anyway.

"Okay then," she says out loud to herself, "I can do this."

She hopes so anyway, because she hasn't fought anything one-on-one since… Well, ever.

Trying to calm her nerves, Konoka pulls at her magic until she has a sizeable amount of it wrapped around her body.

And before she can even blink, there's a sword coming straight for her face. Evangeline will berate her later for what happens next.

Konoka, with all the grace of a terrified teenage girl, puts her hands in front of her face and screams.

The _clang _of steel rings in her ears, like "Tsukuyomi's" weapon had bounced off another sword.

_Or a shield_, Konoka thinks in amazement, cracking one eye open to see a thin strip of magic in front of her. She also notices there's a crack in it and tries not to think about how that would've been her face.

"That's impressive," the not-Tsukuyomi says. "But can you do it again?"

In a repeat performance she swings again, and Konoka manages to at least avoid screaming this time when she puts her hands up to block the strike. Again, she's unscathed.

There's a glimmer in the Shadow's eyes, and Konoka realizes that Evangeline is probably watching their fight through her.

"How adorable."

But it _sounds_ like Tsukuyomi.

"Is Senpai's weak little doll trying to follow in her footsteps?"

And it _demeans_ her like Tsukuyomi.

"How idiotic. You'll still be as useless as you were when she was dying for you, all alone – "

"Shut _up_."

So she'll treat it like Tsukuyomi.

Konoka watches half her magic – _too much_, she realizes – disperse violently in the Shadow's general direction.

It's not very accurate, but the sheer quantity ensures that the swordswoman has a hard time getting out of the way fast enough. Two spears of light pass through "Tsukuyomi," and her image disperses neatly into thin air. Evangeline appears in its stead, unharmed.

"How cliché," the vampire drawls.

Konoka takes a deep breath, calming herself down and letting the magic around her retreat back into her body.

"What do you mean?" She asks when she can breathe properly again.

"When you pull your magic out, it's still influenced by intent. The difference being that instead of verbal cues, it functions on emotional ones."

"Is that good?"

"At least potentially, yes. A mage that can use her magic without casting a spell, and with no time delay," Evangeline ponders the idea for a moment, "With a lot of experience and training, you could potentially be better in combat than Negi. You wouldn't need a ministra, either."

Konoka isn't sure she likes that idea, and Evangeline can tell.

"It doesn't mean having one wouldn't benefit you, it just means if you happened to find yourself alone, you'd be fine."

"I see," she says, stuck on the word _alone_. The idea is becoming more and more real each day.

"Evangeline, can I ask you a personal question?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"_Please?_"

"Fine," the vampire concedes, if only to prevent an endless cycle.

"Do you ever feel bad about the people you've killed?"

"Why do you ask?"

Evangeline can pretty much guess already, but she's not about to give up information about her life so easily.

"Setsuna's tortured by it," Konoka admits, "She said we're too different because of it, that she's too damaged or something. She said I couldn't understand."

"And what did you say to that?" The vampire isn't sure yet if she really cares, but Setsuna is a bit of a special interest to her. They've been through similar things.

"I said that I loved her anyway."

"So cheesy," Evangeline sighs. "Well, maybe she's right. Or maybe not. You seemed to want to hurt Tsukuyomi pretty badly, judging by how your magic reacted. Did you want to kill her?"

"Of course not," Konoka says quickly, looking appalled by the idea.

"And that's exactly it," Evangeline motions to the girl's horrified expression, "People like you couldn't possibly understand the complexities of murder; all you know is that it's bad and people shouldn't do it," she turns a page of her book, although she's not really reading. "The things that make you take that final step from angry to murderous, how we justify it and what happens when we can't… Do you know what it's like to want to see someone's existence _end_ by your hands?"

"No," Konoka bites her lip nervously, "I don't."

"'He who does battle with demon-kind must harden his heart, that he shall not become as one of them. He who gazes into the deepest darkness shall also find the darkness gazing into him.' It's a Shinmeryuu saying."

Evangeline finally drops the ruse of reading and puts the book down, crossing her arms across her chest in obvious distaste for this conversation.

"On one side it's difficult not to succumb to the feeling. Some people lose themselves in the power or the satisfaction. For others, to stop fighting means having to face what you've done in the past. Warriors in peacetime are uneasy that way. Without their drive, without purpose for their skills and their violence, they become restless. They start to doubt themselves and their actions, past and present. Setsuna and I are like that."

Konoka can kind of understand that, in a way. Everybody starts to feel restless without a purpose, but is violence really a purpose? Isn't ensuring Konoka's wellbeing supposed to be the purpose? Or so Setsuna had said at one point, anyway. She puts a hand on her forehead and sighs. _I'm definitely just confusing myself_.

"Isn't there any way for us to be together without me having to understand that though? I don't care if I don't understand it, I still love her."

"That's crap," Evangeline huffs dismissively, "That's like saying you only love the white half of a zebra. The part of Setsuna you're so willing to dismiss is a _huge_ part, whether you admit that or not. You can't love someone if can't accept them, even the parts you don't like. Or so I'm told, anyway."

"I'm tired of hearing that," Konoka mutters angrily. "I'm tired of people telling me that I can't possibly love her. I accept those parts of her, even if I can't understand them. Isn't that enough?"

"No clue." Evangeline picks up her book again, signaling to Konoka that she's being dismissed. "Asking _me_ for relationship advice is kind of ridiculous in the first place. If you're so sure you're right, then just convince her of that."

"_How_?" Konoka practically screams, throwing her hands up dramatically. "I _tried_ talking to her, but she keeps saying that I'm too good for her, like she's going to defile me by association or something if we're together. How the _hell_ am I supposed to get her to see me on equal ground? She's so terrified of supposedly desecrating me that she won't even touch me."

"Again, asking me is probably a bad idea. But there are two things I can say about your unnecessarily theatrical rant, if you really want to hear them."

Konoka nods fervently. She's willing to hear advice from _anyone_ at this point.

"One: you can't defile the already defiled. And two: if you want her to see you differently, and act differently towards you, you have to get her to _feel_ something different towards you first. Something _other _than sickeningly, obsessively, disgustingly in love with you."

"I don't know _how_ though. Only one idea's crossed my mind so far, and it's not exactly a safe bet…"

"For the last time, _figure it out_," the vampire urges, getting annoyed. "Am I living your life, or are you?"

"Evangeline?"

"What?"

"Thank you," Konoka says genuinely, bowing to the vampire before taking her leave.

Evangeline waits until she's gone before slumping a bit in her chair.

"Something wrong, Master?" Chachamaru, her ever reliable partner, sets down a cup of hot tea beside her.

"No, it's nothing."

_Really, that idiot Setsuna. So much for happiness and the sword. _

But Evangeline was like that too, once. She used to agonize over many of the same things. A week without something to put her efforts into, of monotonous peace, and she was tearing her hair out. There were years when she wanted nothing more than to die. There were years when she did nothing but kill.

It took her many lifetimes to accept herself and her past, including the horrid things she'd done without provocation. The things she couldn't justify; all the selfish kills born of desperation and anger and need. She made her choice by putting it off for so long; she'd picked her life and her sword, so to speak. Everyday happiness is far out of reach for someone so decidedly evil.

But Setsuna hasn't lived as long as she has. It would be nice to see someone like herself, who's carried unhappiness her entire life, take a different path. To prove that it's possible, even.

_To prove that it might _still _be possible._

Evangeline laughs cynically at her own thought.

_Yeah, right_. _These kids' unfounded hope is contagious._

She sips her tea and thinks of Setsuna again.

_It's a difficult balance. She'll figure it out._

Besides, as annoying as those two are – making gooey eyes at each other and skirting around their feelings all the time – it would be strange not to see them together in some way or another. The power of Setsuna's artifact is at least one testament to their bond.

_No use getting involved yet, though._

Evangeline isn't one to push herself on other people's business, anyway. She won't concern herself with it. Yet.

She picks up her book and finally reads.

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

Setsuna is on her back, staring at the sky.

It's no position to be in after a fight, especially when the other combatant is leaning nonplussed against a tree a few yards away from you.

But there'd be no way for her to run anyway, as tired and beat up as she is. She supposes she could try and stumble down the hill just to the side of her, but it's pretty steep and she wouldn't be able to get up once she was at the bottom anyway. Not to mention, she doesn't really care.

To Setsuna's defense, she's used to fighting with a sword longer than her body. Talons a few inches long don't even compare. But then, she'd never planned on winning anyway, even with Tsukuyomi's handicaps, so she quells her complaints and excuses.

She can feel Tsukuyomi watching her, although she doesn't think she has enough strength to lift her head and actually look.

_How is she still standing_?

Unbeknownst to Setsuna, Tsukuyomi is actually asking herself the very same question. She is tired beyond belief, but she's still coming down from her blood and combat induced high. If she'd had this battle completely outside of the wards she probably could've walked away from it, but as she is, even getting to Setsuna is a task.

She does it anyway though, and Setsuna can hear slow footsteps stop beside her head, followed by cold steel against her cheek.

Tsukuyomi looks down at the grounded girl. She doesn't writhe like the animals in the forest would have; she understands that she's lost and this could be the end. The look of resignation, the complete surrender to Tsukuyomi makes her shudder with pleasure.

Setsuna stares back, contemplating, and Tsukuyomi wonders what she's thinking. Maybe all the things she'd miss – Tsukuyomi can kill her now and take away all the light, all the joy and the pain and _dear Ojou-sama_ with one flick of her wrist. She can already see how the life would spill from Setsuna's neck, soaking the grass and Setsuna's hair and shirt.

They've left this place a mess already, and both are covered in sweat and dirt and each other's blood – it's enough to make Tsukuyomi happy, but staining Setsuna would be a grand final touch. She only wishes her wings were out. Tsukuyomi would love to see those white feathers dyed red.

The tip of her sword is against Setsuna's cheek, and she presses it there, watching a drop of blood gather at the small cut it makes. Setsuna doesn't react, and Tsukuyomi wonders – probably for the last time before she plunges her sword into the other girl's body – about the last thoughts going through her head, what Earthly regrets she's having, what profound conclusions she's making about life and existence –

"Can you at least not kill me with my own sword? That's really embarrassing."

Tsukuyomi, mid killgasm, pauses.

"What?"

"Can you not kill me with Yuunagi? It'd be really embarrassing to die by my own sword."

"Embarrassing to…" Tsukuyomi repeats in a quiet mumble, voice drifting off.

That's it?

That's the last thought she's going to have, the last thing she'll ever say, and she's thinking about being _embarrassed_ by her death? Not even ashamed of it – no, Tsukuyomi has encountered enough people dying with honor, or shame, or fear in their eyes and in their voices, but _embarrassment_?

It's just so… ridiculous. So completely absurd and stupid that it's really just comical.

So can you blame her for laughing?

Yuunagi slides down Setsuna's cheek and into the ground, drawing a thin line of blood. Setsuna looks up just in time to see Tsukuyomi burst into laughter. Confused, she only watches as the other girl doubles over in hysterics, leaning against the sword to keep herself from falling over completely.

"Um, did I do something strange?" Setsuna finally asks after the laughter has died down to giggles.

"For you? No," Tsukuyomi manages, biting her lip to help herself calm down. They stare at each other for a moment.

"I don't think I'm going to kill you yet, Senpai."

"Why's that?"

"Because I'd hate to see all that anger you seem to have all the time disappear, and for all those ridiculous feelings to vanish from the world. Maybe another time," she adds casually, like she's talking about going to the ice-cream store.

"Okay," Setsuna agrees, "Another time."

With a lot more effort than it should take, Setsuna manages to prop herself up with her arms until she's in a sitting position. She tries to get on her feet and promptly falls back on her butt. More than a little embarrassed, she lifts a shaky hand out with a small mumble of, "Think you could…?"

Tsukuyomi definitely isn't used to helping anyone up, possibly because her opponents are usually too dead to appreciate the gesture. Setsuna's weight is an unexpected burden, and before she can stop herself, Setsuna actually pulls _her_ down.

She tries to brace herself on the sword sticking out of the ground, but the force of their combined weight and her tired body cause her hand to slip, and she falls forward with more force than she would've if she'd just let go of it in the first place.

It's all very unfortunate because she falls over to Setsuna's far side, unable to catch herself on trembling arms, and slips past the lip of the hill Setsuna had half-heartedly planned on escaping by not too long ago. Setsuna, whose hand is still entwined with Tsukuyomi's, tries reflexively to prevent the both of them from going down and fails. Much to their combined distaste they go tumbling down the very steep, very muddy slope like two kids trying to sled without the snow.

Somewhere along the way they lose their grip on each other, and Setsuna hits the bottom with a body-jarring thud. Stunned, it takes her a moment to realize what, exactly, has happened. With some straining she manages to sit up.

"Tsukuyomi?" She calls out upon noticing the girl hasn't landed next to her.

And it's true Tsukuyomi hasn't landed next to her. Rather, when the ground beneath her starts to move and sputter, she realizes that Tsukuyomi is actually _under_ her.

Buried in leaves. And looking extremely disheveled, pissed off, and confused.

Tsukuyomi manages to sit up against the incline of the hill – more like a cliff, if you ask her – so that Setsuna is pretty much sprawled on her lap.

They share a look, and simultaneously glance to the side where the loud _whish_ of cars catches their attention. Cars on a very busy, very public street.

_Crap_.

They both make eye contact with a worried looking passerby, and Setsuna is glad that her demonic features have receded. Tsukuyomi has not made the conscious alteration to her eye color, however, and even if she had, both their bodies are covered in blood and bruises anyway.

He looks like he wants to say something, having stopped completely in his path on the other side of the road. On any other day Tsukuyomi probably would've just killed him to prevent any future problems, but that doesn't seem feasible at the moment.

So instead she nods her head in the direction of Mahora and says, "We're shooting a movie."

The guy, who has probably noticed there's no camera or film crew to be seen, doesn't look any less unnerved. But he walks away anyway, leaving the two actresses in their state of disarray.

When he's out of sight they take a moment to reflect on the events of the past five minutes, and for the second time that day Tsukuyomi finds herself laughing. This time, Setsuna joins her.

She may not have gotten to kill Setsuna today, but they are giggling like school girls and their bloodlust is sated and her Senpai will live to be just as silly tomorrow. The thought makes her happy, and Setsuna picks the leaves out of her hair and says, "You should laugh like that more often."

"Maybe I will," she replies, and somehow stands with very little effort. This time she has no problem helping Setsuna up.

They turn and look at the daunting climb back to the forest.

"Walk around?"

"I think so."

Ignoring the concerned and startled looks of passersby, they take the long way back to the dorms. They're actresses, after all, or so they tell the few people who stop to ask.

It's not until she's back on campus, showering in her room, that Tsukuyomi notices the seal is gone.

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	10. The Harold Song

**xx**

* * *

_"They say that true love hurts,_

_Well this could almost kill me,_

_Young love murdered – _

_That is what this must be…"_

_-Ke$ha_

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

It took a long time for Natsumi to come to terms with her feelings for Kotaro.

She'd struggled with it for a long time, mostly out of fear of rejection. Not to mention the age difference.

After much prodding from Chizuru and others, she finally talked to him about it. Although he'd grown out of the whole "cooties" and "women are weak" thing – several fights with people like Setsuna and Asuna will do that – he was still young. In a surprisingly mature decision, he'd told Natsumi that he couldn't be sure he felt the same way until he had the experience to say so. They'd both agreed to wait until he was ready to be in a committed relationship.

This turned out to be a heart-saving decision for Natsumi, because ironically, he became quite the playboy after he hit puberty. He never hurt anybody's feelings because of his unattachment though, and he always made his intentions very obvious. Natsumi was surprisingly cool about the whole thing, especially after he explained that this line of behavior is rather typical considering his demonic heritage.

So he gets away with it as long as nobody gets hurt. Although not all the girls of Mahora are privy to information regarding said demonic urges, the fact that he's not looking to date anyone is public information. All the students know. Konoka knows.

She also knows that Evangeline is right. She'd already told herself that she needed to bring herself down in Setsuna's eyes even before her conversation with the vampire. If she can do that, Setsuna will see her differently, and hopefully she'll act differently towards her too.

But it won't be easy to get the self-deprecating, normally stoic, excessively adoring girl to go through this mental process. There are only a few ways that Konoka has seen to get the swordswoman to break away from her typical behavior. There's embarrassment and heartache, neither of which would work in this situation. Embarrassment just leads to Setsuna avoiding her, and while heartache may normally make the girl more open, right now it just seems to lead her away.

The last option is anger. And luckily, Setsuna is the jealous type – or at least the vengefully-angry-in-Konoka's-honor type.

So she remembers Kotaro, and comes up with an idea.

And it's a horrible idea.

Everything about it is poorly thought out and generally reckless, and she's sure the results will be disasterous for everyone involved. But that's kind of the plan, and it's too late now anyway. She's standing in front of their door, and she's knocking, and –

"Konoka-san! How are you?" Natsumi asks cheerfully, and Konoka _already_ feels guilty.

"I'm doing alright, thanks," she lies. "Is Kotaro in? I needed to ask him something important."

"Yeah, he is for once," Natsumi rolls her eyes, "he's in his room. Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all. Just some stuff with Negi, you know," she says vaguely, and Natsumi jokes with her about boys and lets her in without a second thought.

Because Konoka is honest, and sexually passive, and so totally in love with Setsuna – what's the harm?

Konoka knows that's probably exactly what Natsumi is thinking. She tries to remind herself that she's been perfectly okay with Kotaro roaming around anyway, so what's the difference?

Still, this feels an awful lot like betrayal. To Natsumi. _To Setsuna_.

"You're sure nothing else is wrong?" Natsumi asks her one last time outside Kotaro's room, taking in the other girl's troubled expression.

"Just a couple of long nights, and Evangeline hasn't been letting me slack off lately," both of which are true, she reminds herself.

"Ohh, that explains it. I've heard plenty of horror stories about Evangeline's training. Try and get some sleep, okay? You sound like you need it."

Konoka thanks her, noticing that Chizuru's mothering instincts are probably rubbing off on the girl. When Natsumi disappears around the corner she takes a breath and knocks on Kotaro's door.

"Hmm? Konoka-san, what's up?"

He opens the door faster than expected, and for a moment she fumbles with remembering what she'd planned to say.

"Uh," she says instead. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, did you need something?"

He lets her in his surprisingly tidy room, and for a couple of minutes Konoka stands awkwardly by the door. She stares off into space and tries to find the words that she _thought_ she'd practiced enough to remember.

She thinks of all the weird conversations she's had with her roommate, and with Negi as he was hitting puberty (he'd always come to her instead of Asuna, since Konoka is a bit less flustered by that stuff and far more understanding). How did they always go about asking such embarrassing or ridiculous questions? _Bluntly_, replies a voice in her head that sounds suspiciously like Asuna.

"Ineedyoutosleepwithme," she says all in one breath, feeling her temperature rise by about a million degrees.

"Uh, wait, what?"

"I need you. To sleep. With me," Konoka repeats slower, which does nothing to help her blush.

"I'm obviously missing something here. Are you talking about _sex_?"

Konoka nods, not wanting to open her mouth lest a flustered apology and hasty exit follow.

"So you want me, Kotaro, to sleep with you, Konoka."

She nods again.

"Absolutely not."

"Why not?" Konoka bursts out like a popped balloon.

"Do you actually need me to explain that to you?" Kotaro asks incredulously. She doesn't respond, so he lists the very obvious reasons.

"First of all, you do realize that we've never even really spoken? Secondly, I get the feeling you are _not_ coming to me for a good time, and I'm almost positive you're a virgin. And lastly, I don't want to have my penis _literally_ ripped off my body by your incredibly overprotective and scary girlfriend – "

"She's not my girlfriend," Konoka interrupts him.

"What?"

"I got the impression that you 'haven't ever really spoken' to _most_ of the girls you sleep with," Konoka replies, air quotations and everything. "I am a – I've never had sex, but I don't see why that matters. And Setsuna is _not_ my girlfriend."

This is all too weird. Kotaro hasn't really talked to either of them in the time he's known Negi, but he's seen and heard enough to know they're definitely in some kind of relationship. And even if they're not, Setsuna can be pretty scary, and he doesn't doubt that she'd rip his dick off whether or not Konoka was her girlfriend. Plus, he'd feel bad doing something that would obviously hurt her feelings. Although they haven't gotten to know each other, they're of similar background.

Not to mention Konoka is supposed to be some proper political figure or other. Her showing up to _him_ for random meaningless sex _for no reason_? Not a chance.

"Why don't you tell me what this is really about, and maybe I'll consider it."

He certainly wasn't expecting her to burst into tears, though.

He leaps up, alarm bells ringing, and awkwardly tries to comfort her.

_I should've just said yes,_ he sighs internally.

"Sorry," Konoka is surprised that it's possible for her to be _more_ embarrassed than she already was. "I just really need your help."

"What's going on?" Kotaro is just thankful to be relieved of comforting duty.

"You remember Tsukuyomi, right?"

"The psycho blonde with the glasses?"

"Setsuna's sleeping with her."

"Wait. The psycho blonde with the glasses, who I worked with to try and _kidnap _you? The one that almost got you _killed_?"

Not possible. Definitely not possible. It's _painfully_ obvious to everyone who's ever met Setsuna that she's hopelessly in love with Konoka. There's no conceivable way that she'd mess around with someone who'd tried to kill the girl on several occasions.

But as Konoka recounts the events of the past few weeks, he realizes that no matter how unlikely, it's definitely happening.

"That's unbelievable," he mutters when she's done, just as amazed by Setsuna's turnaround as he is by the sheer quantity of girly emotional drama that's taking place.

"So will you help me?"

Will he? _Should_ he? He and Setsuna may be half-breeds who were outcast by their own families, but that's about where the similarities end. After that their lives took very different paths, and Kotaro has committed plenty of crimes, but the attempted kidnapping of Konoka was by far the worst. He'd never killed anybody, and he has no idea what it's like to devote yourself so utterly to one person. Kotaro doesn't really understand Setsuna's hang ups, or the mentality behind thinking you're not good enough for someone.

In his opinion, if someone wants to be with you, and you want to be with them – well, no problem, right?

He'd never thought about all this girly drama nonsense. But he's also lived most of his life being free of responsibility and generally uncaring – the exact opposite of Setsuna.

"I don't know," he says, unsure.

"_Please_? I promise I won't let her maim you, and I don't know what else to do at this point."

"You do realize this is something you're probably going to regret, right? Most girls want their first time to be all special and romantic, yadda yadda, and you're wasting it so you can get the attention of someone who outright _told you_ to beat it?"

"I love her, and I'm desperate," Konoka admits, not embarrassed this time. "I'd give anything to be with her, it just took me too long to realize it. So even if it's a one in a million chance, I have to try."

_Took her too long to…_

Kotaro hadn't thought about that either. An image of Natsumi pops into his mind, and he remembers the deal they'd made. It's been years now since he told her he needed time. What if something like this happened to them? Could he just move on without giving his all and trying everything to fix it?

_Definitely not_, he thinks. The idea of them never being together… he's had it in his head for so long that they'd just fall together when the time was right. But maybe he needs to _make_ the time right. Like what Konoka is trying to do now.

"Besides," Konoka doesn't look him in the eye now, "she's done far worse for me."

He nods, imagining the physical and mental hell Setsuna had put herself through – is still putting herself through – for Konoka.

_That dedication is ridiculous_.

But he knows he'd do it for Natsumi, too.

Again, the thought of them being astranged in a similar situation makes him cringe. And if he feels this bad just thinking about it, he can only imagine what Konoka feels like.

"I'll help you," he finally says, and Konoka's smile is so grateful he refuses to feel bad about his decision.

Maybe all this emotional stuff is rubbing off on him.

_Besides, she's hot._

…Or maybe not.

**xxxxxxxx**

Konoka doubts very many girls dream of having sex for the first time with someone they don't love.

She also realizes that even fewer girls _actually_ have sex for the first time with someone they love. So she tries to reassure herself that this is all perfectly normal, and no big deal, and lots of girls do this.

But most girls don't find love by time they lose their virginity. Konoka has definitely found it, but it hangs just out of her reach. And maybe that's why this is especially distressing. She has some_one_ to think about, not some ideal situation or fantasy – she can think about Setsuna's hands, and her own hands fisted in Setsuna's hair, and the way Setsuna made her temperature skyrocket when they'd kissed, and it's all so _real_ –

Except that it _isn't_ real.

The reality is that she's having sex with someone she'd only tentatively call a friend, and while he's certainly good looking and experienced, she's about as attracted to him as she is to Negi. Which is to say, not at all.

Somewhere along the line she's lost her clothes, thrown to some corner of the abandoned dorm room they're inhabiting. She feels self-conscious under Kotaro's stare even though she knows it's a silent compliment to have him look at her like that. And he's all hard lines and sharp edges, and even though she' knows it's silly, having someone so much bigger than her leaning over her is kind of scary, and

_Everything feels so _wrong.

"Are you ready?"

Konoka hadn't even realized she'd closed her eyes. He's looking at her, worry obvious in his masculine features, and waits for an answer.

She doesn't have one yet.

Even though she'd had a brief run-in with the prince charming fantasies after her grandfather started setting her up on omiais, anytime she got close to knowing them she'd find herself constantly comparing.

This one doesn't make her feel as safe, his smile isn't as cute, that one can't even make her laugh – would this one jump in a river for her and vice versa?

It didn't take her long to realize why there was never a second meeting. There was no connection with any of them because she'd already made one with someone else, and the more dates she went on, the more Setsuna's absence made her ache.

There would never be anyone to fill those shoes. No one would ever feel right except Setsuna; she didn't even dream of anyone else in her sleep. So Konoka had always thought she'd be sharing this moment with her guardian.

Is she really ready to let go of that?

_No no no nonono_

"Yeah, I'm ready," she says instead.

Kotaro is gentle with her. It still hurts though, and she can only imagine that Setsuna probably didn't have as easy a time. Tsukuyomi is hardly sympathetic to pain.

"You alright?" He asks, having a hard time sitting still.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she reassures him, nudging him gently with her body to let him know it's alright to move.

Kotaro feels her nails dig into his arms. He can tell she's lying, but a promise is a promise, and it's far too late to back out now.

He does his best to make each girl feel special when he's with them, but this time he can't help but close his eyes and try to forget who he's with. Probably because it's all so obviously wrong, and even if Konoka's not doing it on purpose, he can feel her body fighting him in subtle ways. And also because she's trying _very_ hard to forget who she's with too.

But the smell of blood is a powerful reminder, and Kotaro can't seem to get away from his thoughts. He can't seem to forget that she's somewhere else, and he's still here, watching this absent girl break under his body.

Somehow he finishes and gets dressed, trying not to seem like he's in a hurry to leave behind the shattered fragments of the whole girl he walked in with.

"Kotaro?"

He stops in the doorway, one hand on the knob.

"Thank you," she says.

He grips the handle angrily, refusing to accept her gratitude. _Thanks for what? _He wants to ask her. For treating her like a ragdoll? For taking something that shouldn't have been his? For crumbling her silly romantic fantasies and leaving her to lie in their dust?

But he doesn't ask.

He buys flowers on his way home instead, and when he asks Natsumi out on a date with him, she says yes. He's never been more ready to be with her than he is after all this.

And for that, Kotaro thinks maybe he should thank Konoka instead.

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	11. Push II

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay! I had to rewrite and edit a ton this time. On the bright side, there's finally some KonoSetsu interaction that doesn't end in horrible angsty heartbreak! Yay! And once again, thank you for all your kind words :) I want to make a shout-out individually for everyone that reviewed, but I think I'll have to wait until the end of the story for that.

And to "We love us," thank you for following my story first of all; I really appreciate your comments! And secondly, I agree with you. I'm not trying to push my views on the story, but I actually address the issue of virginity and morality in this chapter very briefly as I think Setsuna/Konoka would see it. Well, how Setsuna would see it _now_ anyway. Ask her when she was fourteen and you probably would've gotten a different answer.

Lastly, sorry for the long author's note, but there are two more things I want to say:

A.) This is the second-to-last installment.

B.) Relationships aren't built and broken in a day, and I've done my best to nurture the ones in this story as realistically and accurately as I can. Hopefully it hasn't been boring! In this installment there are a lot of developments and breaking points, and I hope I've done them in plausible ways that are still in character. (Some of them are intentionally cheesy and self-mocking, mainly in chapter 13 when Setsuna and Tsukuyomi FINALLY have a real conversation, and I hope those are obvious and not overdone). However! Please let me know if they're too far out there. Your honest responses are great encouragement and help keep me grounded.

Without them I may just give up, write a threesome, and call it a day.

…Just kidding…! Hahah.. haha… ha… (?)

Anyway, on with the show!

* * *

_"And I don't know if I've been really loved,_

_By a hand that's touched me…"_

_-Matchbox 20_

* * *

It's easier to forget about all of it on weekends. Not to say that it's _ever_ easy to be close to Konoka and not feel like digging herself a grave, but at least when Setsuna's just guarding her from afar she can _pretend_ to not care about anything.

Class is another thing altogether though. Whether she likes it or not she has to finish high school. She's not sure what she wants to do after that, having no real ambition other than keeping Konoka safe and no money for college anyway. Setsuna doesn't care to think about it much. She'll go wherever her Ojou-sama needs her, and that's all.

But what's getting harder and harder to ignore is that Konoka needs her _now_. Watching the normally above average student stare into space during class is disconcerting enough, but Negi made it all too clear that there's more to it than that. Anything lower than a B is strange for the normally bright, hard-working girl, and although her grades are supposed to be confidential, Negi's never been a stickler for rules after they all fought for their lives together.

He had approached her one evening and shoved their latest English exam on Setsuna's coffee table.

"A C minus," he'd said.

Setsuna raised an eyebrow. That was hardly unusual for her, since she only did enough work to pass on to the next grade.

"Look at the name."

She looked at the bubbly letters spelling out "Konoka."

_Oh_.

Negi removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, looking far too tired for a boy that'd only recently become a teenager.

"It's not the first one, either," he'd gone on, replacing his glasses and pacing. Always the worrier. "She's been regularly failing her quizzes. Normally I'd chalk it up to having a rough time with the material or other school work and let it slide, but somehow I don't think it's that simple."

Setsuna stared blankly at the test. She'd noticed it too, whether she admitted it to herself or not. She'd observed from her perch outside her dorm that Konoka had been going to sleep later and later since a week or so ago. She'd even seen Asuna try and talk to her about it, which seemed to spur some kind of argument that Setsuna had willed herself not to eavesdrop on.

"And you think I can help her?"

"Not necessarily. I just think it's your fault, so you ought to know."

_That _had gotten her attention. Negi is normally respectful to a fault except in the face of danger. Any time he's blunt is usually because of his obliviousness, and this was the first time she's heard him be intentionally harsh.

Setsuna had felt the unease acutely, and almost sighed with relief when he immediately looked apologetic.

"Look," the pacing started again, "I know what you choose to do is your business, and I think we all made it clear by letting Tsukuyomi-san stay that you're entitled to your personal life. But I came here because I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. It's hard for me to believe that you don't care anymore about Konoka's well-being, so it must be that you simply haven't noticed that she hasn't been in great mental health. As your teacher and mutual friend, I thought it my duty to inform you about it."

Here Negi broke off, looking at a loss for words. Setsuna squirmed a bit. There's nothing like genuine compassion to make you feel like dirt when you know you're the cause of the pain.

"Konoka really took it upon herself to take care of me when I got here…" he trailed off again, and his eyes shone wetly under the room's ceiling lights, "I know it sounds strange, us being so close in age, and I can't really say what it's like to have a mother… but I think what Konoka has done for me is close enough. Even though she seems so silly most of the time, of all of us she's really been at once the most human and still the most put together. But lately…"

He wiped his eyes, and Setsuna has to look away at that.

"She's kind of coming undone at the seams. I know she wouldn't want me to blame you for it, and it's pretty obvious even to me that you're also suffering… but it's hard to stand here and not accuse you of being the cause. I don't want to interfere in something that's really not my business, but Asuna and I can't seem to do anything. She wants _your_ attention, not ours."

Negi picked up his papers, ready to leave. He hesitated at the door, holding onto its frame, and looked back at Setsuna. She looked too tired for her age too, and it almost stopped him from saying his piece, but not quite.

"I've never met anyone like her, Setsuna. She's different. Don't kill that."

And he'd shut the door, leaving her to tear her hair out and, silly and girly as she thought it was, scream into her pillow.

Of _course_ she knows it's her fault. Put-together, happy-go-lucky people don't just get insomnia, or randomly burst into tears, or start failing school for no reason. But what the hell does anyone expect her to do about it?

Setsuna tries to ignore the walls closing in on her and _breathe_. She tries to sleep, tossing and turning until her bed sheets are knotted and tangled around her ankles. Finally Mana tells her to "calm the fuck down or you'll wake up missing a limb," so she gives up and spends the rest of the night staring wide-eyed and catatonic at the wall.

She watches the alarm tick from 6:59AM to 7 o'clock. Mana had gotten up two hours earlier to take care of the shrine, so Setsuna has no problem throwing the buzzing alarm clock at the wall rather than turn it off civilly. She puts on her school uniform and ignores her haphazard reflection in the mirror.

_Fine_, she thinks halfway to school. _It's not like I have anything left to lose except more sleep. I may as well give it a try._

Talking to Konoka won't be hard. Saying anything of meaning is the difficult part. She doesn't think "what's wrong?" will cut it, but she doesn't have much time to think about it when Konoka grabs her wrist and nearly gives her a heart attack.

Setsuna knows she must look worse than she thought by the look on the other girl's face.

"I don't want to bother you, but walking into school with that murderous expression will probably draw more attention than you want to get."

Konoka isn't smiling when she says it, but there's humor in her eyes. Whether it's from Setsuna's jumpiness or from pretending to speak like an acquaintance, the swordswoman isn't sure. It's embarrassing regardless.

"Uh, thanks."

They stare at each other for a moment, Konoka probably trying not to laugh and Setsuna trying not to run away. _But that's how it's always been, I suppose._

"Ojou-sama," Setsuna bows finally, seeming to regain her wits, "I actually wanted to speak with you after school, if you have the time-"

"I don't. I'm trying to catch up on homework."

Setsuna stands up straight again. She hadn't been expecting that.

"But I have time now."

"Home room will start in fifteen minutes – "

"And?"

She hadn't been expecting that, either.

"Ojou-sama, since when do you skip class?"

"Since I started not wanting to go," Konoka says flippantly. "Don't bother trying to convince me either. I'm not going whether you want to talk to me now or not."

"O…kay. Then where _are_ you going?"

This is all beyond strange, but Setsuna's hardly in a position to tell the other girl what to do.

"Come on, I'll show you."

Konoka puts her hand back on Setsuna's wrist and pulls her away from the main road leading to the academic buildings. They walk in silence straight past the strip mall on the West side of campus, ignoring the raised eyebrows of faculty that know they should be in class. The world tree is far off in the distance to the East, and when they pass the coffee shop and all the buildings fade out of sight Setsuna realizes where they're headed.

"Isn't it a little cold for the beach?"

"Just because it's morning," Konoka answers, making her way carefully over an outcrop of rocks in the sand, "It'll warm up."

Setsuna worries for a second when she sees Konoka disappear over a sharp ledge, but the _thunk_ of her shoes hitting the ground a second later is reassuring. The swordswoman hauls herself over the rock as well, landing gracefully and quietly in the sand.

"You're going to have to teach me to do that someday."

Setsuna hears her voice but can't distinguish the words, being distracted by the slanted sunlight making Konoka's eyes shine amber and her skin glow.

_God I'm cheesy_.

She looks away, pretending to admire the scenery.

"This place is beautiful," she says passively, but it really is. They're surrounded by walls of rock and sand on three sides, and on the fourth there's only the ocean. The natural banks are only a foot taller than they are, but with the sun still being at an early morning angle, most of the light coming through the rocks is slanted and paints bright yellow polka dots on the floor. Only one ray of sunlight reaches over the top of the wall, the one making Konoka look even more radiant than usual.

Setsuna closes her eyes and inhales deeply. The air is salty, and it's quiet except for the breaking waves and the drip of water off the rocks and into little tide pools.

"Do you know where we are?"

Konoka's voice startles her out of her moment, and Setsuna shakes her head "no."

"This is where you first saw me naked – after puberty, anyway. Seventh grade class trip, remember?"

Oh, how could she forget?

A rush of memories which she'd hadn't conjured up in quite some time come to the surface, and Setsuna can recall quite vividly now stumbling upon this hideaway. The seventh grade class trip had been at this shore, and she hadn't known Konoka had run off to this particular place to change. She'd only followed to make sure the other girl wasn't going to get into trouble, and she certainly hadn't been expecting to jump down here and get her first taste of full frontal nudity. It was a sight that had almost caused her to faint, and simultaneously became one of her most cherished memories. Not that she'd admit it.

"Judging from how red your face is, I guess you do remember."

It's been a few years since then, but even though her prized image of Konoka naked is of the girl at thirteen, Setsuna can't help the tingling that follows the memory.

Konoka sighs listlessly.

"Isn't it weird?"

Setsuna, mind still knee deep in the gutter with her vivid mental imagery, mumbles, "Not at all, you looked amazing. It's actually quite – "

She stops herself halfway, realizing with horror that Konoka _hadn't_ been referencing her naked body.

"No wait, I didn't mean that – er, no, I mean I _did_ – crap, I mean, not that you're nude body _isn't_ incredible – oh God," Setsuna puts her hand over her face, mentally telling herself to _shut the fuck up_.

"So is it 'amazing' or 'incredible'?"

"_Neither_! I mean _both_ – No, I – "

Konoka's laughter mercifully stops her flustered speech.

"Relax, I'm only messing with you Silly. I know what you meant."

_I kind of hope not_, Setsuna cringes at her lewd thoughts.

"So what did _you _mean?" She asks, eager to get away from her ridiculous verbal stumbling.

"I was just thinking how weird it is that after everything we've been through, we'd end up speaking like strangers to each other."

_Oh, right_.

Setsuna had almost forgotten she'd come here for this reason; to try and help Konoka deal with these thoughts.

"It is strange," she admits, "But it's better this way."

She hates to see that frown on Konoka's face, and she hates even more that she's the cause of it. But she didn't come here to lie and put a bandage on the wound.

Konoka approaches her, closing the gap between them. There's a strange expression on her face that Setsuna hasn't seen on her before, and at first she thinks she's about to get reprimanded. She's caught off guard when Konoka pushes her gently onto the sand and plops herself right on her lap.

"O-Ojou-sama, wh-what are you – "

"It's been almost half a decade since seventh grade, Setsuna. I've changed a lot since then. My _body's_ changed a lot since then."

Konoka wraps her fingers around Setsuna's wrist, guiding the girl's hand up under her buttoned shirt.

"That's a long time to go on just a memory. What do you say we make a new one?"

_I'm definitely dreaming_.

Or at least, dreams are the only way she'd been able to relive her only kiss with Konoka before. But this isn't like her other night time ventures, which are exact replicas of their thirty-second pactio make-out session. Their first kiss was fiery and touched with desperation. They'd both been worried it would be their last.

This one, however, is slow and burning and makes them both ache with something they'd only just begun to understand that first time in the magical world. Ignorance isn't an excuse for either of them this time though. Konoka slides Setsuna's hand under her bra, making both of them twitch at the feeling and bringing up their own separate thoughts:

_This is how it should've been_, Konoka knows.

_This isn't anything like with _–

Setsuna doesn't finish her thought. Is it her fault that Konoka picked that exact moment to put her hand under Setsuna's skirt? Certainly not, and her mouth was just finishing what her thoughts began. It's only natural. Plus, both their names have a "k" sound in them, right? And she's only ever been this close with Tsukuyomi, she's only ever said _her_ name in association with the feeling of another person's touch, so is it that unlikely that the first two syllables –

"Tsuku – "

Would slip out before she had a chance to stop them?

She supposes it doesn't matter whose fault it is or isn't, because the look of hurt on Konoka's face is something she won't ever forget.

Neither are surprised to see or feel the tears on the brunette's face, but Setsuna _is_ surprised to hear her laugh.

"I don't know what I was thinking," she's laughing mostly at herself, and Setsuna sees the self-loathing as easily as she feels it running through her own blood every day. Except this hurts far more; she was trying so hard to prevent Konoka from ever, _ever_ feeling like how she does. The knowledge of her failure makes her scramble for an excuse.

"It's nothing you did, it's just that she – "

"Not that," Konoka cuts her off suddenly. She gets up and searches idly for her shoes, finding only one and shoving it on her foot, sand and all. "You know," she turns and looks at Setsuna, teary eyed and furious, "You're so thick-headed sometimes, Setsuna, but I think now that maybe I'm even worse."

"No, Ojou-sama, you – "

"Don't _fucking_ call me that!" Konoka screams it so loud it bounces off the rocks and reverberates for a second, as if making sure that Setsuna is aware this is one of the few times she's ever heard the girl curse.

She stares tiredly at Setsuna a second more before turning away to find her other shoe. It's sticking halfway out of the sand a few yards away. She can't even remember taking them off.

"I was so stupid to think that you'd even notice, let alone care."

"Notice what?" Setsuna says it in a whisper, afraid of setting the other girl off again.

"Exactly."

Konoka puts the other shoe on and fixes the heel. Now out of distractions she faces Setsuna eye-to-eye again.

"Me, being the naïve girl that I am – or that everyone seems to think I am, anyway, decided that I actually had a chance of tearing you away from that psychopath. I _thought_, and don't ask me why," she adds, mocking herself, "that I could somehow get you to look at me as something other than some perfect angel, or the daughter of the man that saved your life, or whatever fantasy version of me you have in your head. I thought that if I did stupid things you'd see that I wasn't perfect, but it's all so _juvenile_, isn't it?"

She pauses a moment here, waiting to see if Setsuna will answer.

"With all due respect, Ojou – " Setsuna catches the warning in Konoka's eyes and promptly changes her tune, "Konoka, my opinion of you would never be lowered by _anything_. I don't find the things you've done, or anything you could do, to be shameful. They only make you human, and believe me, I'm already very aware of the fact that you're human."

"I know," Konoka sighs, losing steam, "Skipping class, failing my exams, giving up my virginity – none of those things are really immoral, but it's not like I can go around killing people in Mahora just to prove to you that I'm not perfect. I knew from the beginning that it was a bad strategy, but I was desperate."

She finally averts her gaze, embarrassed, "Honestly, by the end of it I just wanted to piss you off. I figured if I couldn't do anything, you know, _really bad_ to make you okay with dating me, that maybe I could get the same effect by making you angry. But that would require you caring, and apparently I'm too late for that."

Setsuna smiles at that, and Konoka catches it in her peripheral vision. Even though she's admitting failure in this conversation, that cute smile still makes her feel better.

"I'll always care about you. I think I told you that already," the words come easier to Setsuna this time, "And I'm sorry I disappointed you by not going into a rage, but it would take far more than skipping school to make me angry at you. Although you shouldn't do that," she adds for good measure.

"Figures," Konoka smiles despite herself. Though it's hard to believe that Setsuna still has feelings for her now, it's good to hear, even if her efforts were in vain. "So I guess I should let him know that he's safe from bodily harm?"

"Who? Negi? You mean for letting you miss class?"

"Weren't you listening?" Konoka sighs tiredly, hardly wanting to repeat her rant.

"Of course I was. You said you skipped class, failed an exam, gave up your – "

'_giving up my virginity…'_

'_giving… virginity…'_

'_**he's**__ safe from bodily harm…'_

The statement finally hits her, and the realization is like a punch in the gut.

"You… you… had sex."

It's Konoka's turn to be skeptical now.

"Unless I'm mistaken, I don't think that phrase means anything else."

Konoka.

Had sex.

With some… with some _guy_?

The blood drains from Setsuna's face, and Konoka realizes that the other girl hadn't registered that fact yet. A nervous tingle starts in her stomach at Setsuna's blank expression.

"Heh, I guess you do care after all…"

Care? Of course she cares. She cares a lot.

In the quiet of her dawning comprehension, Setsuna tries to remind herself that she'd done the same thing. She'd gone off and had sex for the first time with someone else, and not for better reasons – masochism, resignation, curiosity.

But it's not the act of giving up one's virginity that bothers her – everyone's body is their own right, as far as she's concerned. No, morality isn't the issue at all. Konoka herself had said that wasn't the point anymore, anyway.

She had no fantasies about being with Konoka that way after resigning any "claim" she had on the girl. Konoka was always free to do what she wanted, and after Setsuna's initial tryst with Tsukuyomi, she'd given up the right to be angry or jealous about it. If she'd ever had a right, anyway.

She'd just never actually, _really_ thought about it. It was always a lingering idea in her head that Konoka would eventually move on and date someone else, hopefully someone who could really make her happy. But actually being faced with it? Thinking about someone's hands on her, someone touching her intimately, some _dirty bastard_ who probably doesn't even _know_ how lucky, just how fucking _undeserving_ he is to be close to her –

"Who?"

Konoka is definitely nervous now. She can feel something seething underneath Setsuna's cool demeanor. It would almost be better if she was yelling. The calm is only a disguise, one that Setsuna uses when she fights. When she's going for the throat.

"That's – not really important, is it?"

"Who. Was. It."

"He's our friend, Setsuna, you – I mean I _did_ want you to get pissed off, but _I'm_ the one that started it – "

"Tell me."

Konoka winces at the harsh tone and knows she won't get away without answering.

"Kotaro," she finally mumbles, and watches the mask crack momentarily.

Setsuna is equal parts relieved and furious.

At least it wasn't someone completely random, some stupid John she'd pulled from God-knows-where. But she'd been hoping it'd been Negi, or even Takamichi as unrealistic as that was – just _someone_ with the appreciation or the maturity to understand how precious Konoka is.

But Kotaro? He goes around sleeping with everything that moves and doesn't run from him. He could hardly _begin_ to understand – he doesn't even really know her.

Half her mind tries to remind her that he's a friend, that they've fought together against a common enemy.

The other half knows she's going to kill him anyway.

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	12. Can't Stop

**xx**

* * *

_"White heat is screaming in the jungle,_

_Complete the motion if you stumble…"_

_- Red Hot Chili Peppers_

* * *

Setsuna tried to reason with herself.

She knows she doesn't have a right to be angry, and just to make sure she doesn't forget that, Konoka is trying to hold her by the shoulder and remind her that she did the exact. Same. Thing.

But that just makes her feel _worse_.

With a quick pivot she's off before Konoka can react, and she's seeing red and running so fast it looks like she's flying even without her wings.

No way Konoka can keep up with that, but she has to try anyway. For Setsuna's sake. For _Kotaro's_ sake.

She figured Setsuna would be mad; that was the whole plan. But that she'd actually do anything about that anger – well, Konoka wasn't expecting that. Setsuna's normally reasonable. Konoka figured if she reminded the girl that she'd committed the same act with Tsukuyomi, more or less, Setsuna would have to quell her rage and sit down and talk with her. Initially she'd thought the conversation would lead into Setsuna seeing her differently, and maybe even a date.

Unfortunately, that isn't the case.

She's chasing Setsuna with every ounce of energy she has, completely winded from the sprinting and sure she's going to throw up. Setsuna is out of sight by now, and Konoka realizes with a small pang of fear that she's going to arrive at least a couple of minutes after the faster girl. That fear is quelled when she finally catches sight of the swordswoman. At least, until she realizes the girl had only taken a detour to grab Yuunagi.

As she approaches Natsumi and Kotaro's dorm room with Setsuna out of sight again, she wonders if she should call backup, but quickly dismisses the thought. There's no way Setsuna would _actually_ –

"I'm going to _kill_ you – "

Is the convenient interruption to that idea, followed by Kotaro's body violently crashing through the building's wall.

"What the _fuck_," is all he has time to get out before Setsuna is at his throat.

Kotaro is thankful he's sparred against this girl, otherwise he wouldn't know better than to go easy on her; an attitude that would quickly get him sliced to pieces. He manages to jump out of the way just in time to see her sword implant neatly in the ground, right where his head was seconds ago.

A small thrill of fear makes him shiver. Setsuna can be a scary fighter in a _good_ mood. Setsuna in a bad mood? Well, he's never been the target of it before, but even he can admit someone that skilled lunging at him with a sword and some unadulterated rage is kind of scary.

There's no time for fear though. With something close to a snarl she lunges at him again, so fast he can hardly see her, and he has no choice but to parry the blow. And that does nothing good for his forearm, which he's now sure is bruised from elbow to wrist.

_Better than being dead though. And where the hell is Konoka? I thought she said – _

"Setsuna, _stop_," comes a voice from somewhere behind him.

_Oh. Well shit._

Setsuna's wings burst from her back in a blur of white feathers and a blatant disregard for subtlety, and when she goes for Kotaro again she's even faster than before.

But he's no pushover either. She swings her sword at his neck, more concerned with making sure he isn't breathing anymore than she is with fancy moves. He manages to flip backwards and is surprised to feel a burning rip in the skin all along his back.

"_Ow, _what the _fuck_ was that – " Kotaro yells, confused because he's _sure_ he dodged her sword.

A quick look at Setsuna solves that puzzle.

He hears Konoka make some noise of surprise, and if he was anyone else, he probably would've joined her.

"Are those claws? You've _got_ to be kidding me."

Like Setsuna needs another advantage in battle.

"Talons, I would think," comes a calm voice from right beside Konoka. The startled girl jumps in surprise and isn't very happy to see Tsukuyomi standing next to her.

"You must have seriously pissed her off, Kotaro-kun."

He gives Konoka a meaningful look before jumping out of the way of Setsuna's claws – talons – whatever the fuck they are. He isn't concerned with naming them when they're trying to rip his jugular out.

Tsukuyomi watches curiously from the sidelines. During her own fight with the demonic Setsuna she'd thought the talons were voluntary, but she highly doubts they are if they're exposed around Konoka. She's kind of glad Setsuna can't control it, though. This is a fun fight to watch.

_Although it doesn't look like Ojou-sama finds it nearly as enjoyable._

"I can stop her if you'd like."

"How?" Konoka doesn't trust Tsukuyomi one bit, but even she can tell Kotaro isn't going to win this one.

"Let me fight her."

"Absolutely not."

That would be one hell of a gambit. Tsukuyomi is equally likely to stop Setsuna as she is to kill her.

"That's fine. We can watch Kotaro-kun die together, if you prefer."

"I tend to not trust murderous psychopaths."

"You seem to trust Senpai quite a bit, and right now I don't think there are two words that better describe her."

Tsukuyomi has a point, but Konoka grits her teeth and doesn't respond. She's never seen Setsuna anything close to how she is now. Watching her try to maim an ally, oozing murderous intent, transforming into some _creature_ –

Konoka catches herself. This is exactly what Setsuna was talking about, and Evangeline too.

It's true that the girl she's seeing now is nothing like the one she's used to, but this Setsuna is also the one she's been begging to get to see. The one she has to learn to accept; the Setsuna she has to reconcile with the one she already knows.

And it's scary, the merciless warrior part with so little regard for anything except killing and surviving. And it's violent, and vicious –

_But it's still Setsuna._

"I'll stop her myself," Konoka says, ignoring Tsukuyomi's obvious disbelief. She can feel the tug somewhere inside her as she gathers her magic.

There's no way she can have the same killing intent toward the girl she loves as she did towards the fake Tsukuyomi in training, so she goes for something more basic instead.

"_Decem spiritus lucis vinculum facti inimicum capient. Sagitta magica, lux capturae!"_

Of course it's not going to work. Konoka knew that before she even casted it, and she's not surprised to watch Setsuna dodge two punches from Kotaro and all ten of her arrows.

But it was enough to get her attention at least.

There is one moment of fear when Setsuna turns to face her, expression still murderous, before Konoka reminds herself that this girl – no matter how scary looking – is the same one she's always known.

"Stay out of this," Setsuna says, looking threatening as ever until Konoka closes the distance between them and promptly smacks her upside the head.

"Oh stop that, you don't scare me," _mostly_, "Now knock it off, and for the last time, leave poor Kotaro alone."

"Yes please," Kotaro mumbles, holding his right forearm and wincing.

"But he _violated_ – "

"No he did _not_. _I_ approached _him_."

Setsuna looks at her, not comprehending.

"I'll say it again. I _wanted_. To have _sex_. With _him_."

But that slightly vacant look stays on Setsuna's face, and Konoka throws her hands up in frustration.

"Are you even listening to me?"

The winged girl doesn't have a chance to answer before she's sprawled on the ground, a loud _bang_ echoing where her response should've been. Konoka's eyes follow the line of fire to Mana's smoking gun.

"Tatsumiya-san!" Konoka shouts, close to a heart attack, "What did you do?"

"I shot her."

"_Why_?" The terrified girl splutters, kneeling down to the limp – but thankfully alive – body of Setsuna.

"She was endangering others and prematurely exposing students to the existence of magic. You all were lucky I was nearby when this happened, or there would've been quite the crowd."

Tsukuyomi highly doubts it was luck; more like Mana had been there to watch her in Setsuna's absence.

"Not to mention, her behavior is starting to piss me off. And don't start crying for no reason; she'll wake up in a minute or two. All I did was knock her out so she'd calm down and lose the claws."

"Talons," Tsukuyomi and Konoka echo.

"Right. Talons."

"Tatsumiya-san – "

"I have nothing to say to you, Tsukuyomi," Mana responds quickly, "You're the reason she's been acting like such an idiot lately."

"As much as I'd like to take credit for all this destruction, I'm afraid we can only thank Ojou-sama for this one."

"She's telling the truth for once," Konoka sighs, "You can tell grandpa that I said to give you a bonus."

Despite being vaguely insulted, Tsukuyomi doesn't point out that she hasn't really lied to any of them before.

"I was only wondering if Senpai's condition is similar to yours."

"Yes," is all Mana offers in reply to that. "And please do, Konoka-san."

She holsters her gun and starts to leave, giving Kotaro a once-over on her way.

"And you might want to heal him, too."

"Oh! Right."

The gash in Kotaro's back is deep enough that the waistband of his pants is soaked in blood. She winces at the sight of it, and she can feel his muscles tense when she puts her hands over the area to heal it. He hasn't said anything to her yet. The guilt doubles when she remembers that Tsukuyomi is right about it all being her fault.

"Kotaro-kun, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I promised you wouldn't get hurt, and you still…" Konoka sighs, pulling her hands back from Kotaro's back to look at her handiwork. Good as new.

"You promised that you wouldn't let her maim me, and I feel pretty okay right now," he pats the area where the wound was to make his point. "Besides, I feel worse for you. You're the one that has to deal with _those_ two."

He points to Setsuna, whose eyes are starting to flutter open, and Tsukuyomi, who stands idly by with the same cheerful expression as ever.

"I'm hurt, Kotaro-kun. You used to think so highly of me," Tsukuyomi says, unphased by the insult.

"No, I used to be _scared_ of you. Big difference."

"And you're not anymore?"

"Psh," Kotaro waves his hand dismissively at her, "First of all, I'm not scared of anyone anymore. And secondly, why _would_ I be when you're so obviously whipped by Feather Face over there? I'm surprised she hasn't bought you a collar yet, Tsukuyomi-_chan_. So no, I'm not scared of you."

He's just being his usual masculine self, of course, and for a moment Tsukuyomi doesn't react. Then a split second later she's in his face. Even though she has to stare up at him a bit, her eyes are those crazy colors, and for someone so small she's intimidating as _fuck_ when she looks like that. In all his time working with her he'd never seen her without a smile on her face, but now she looks _pissed_, and maybe he was lying a little bit when he said he wasn't scared of her. Anyone would be after being a first-hand witness to the things she can do to people.

"That's a mistake," she says calmly, and walks away without another word.

_She can do that without her chi?_ Konoka marvels, watching her disappear in the distance.

"I've never seen you speak that way to a lady, Kotaro-kun," she says it mostly to break the tension. It takes a lot to make the normally overconfident boy look uneasy, and it makes her nervous to see it.

"Trust me, Konoka, she's no lady," he doesn't turn to look at her until Tsukuyomi's out of sight. "I had no idea there were so many ways to hurt someone until I met her. Keep an eye on her."

"I will."

"Good. Now I think I'll go, just in case my presence makes Feathers over there go into rampage-mode again."

"That might be a good idea," Konoka admits sheepishly, "Thank you again Kotaro."

He shrugs it off and disappears quickly, and Konoka watches Setsuna roll onto her back and sit up, obviously dazed.

Setsuna wants to ask what happened, except that she remembers perfectly. She wishes she didn't. That way, at least, she wouldn't have to be so excrutiatingly embarrassed for herself yet.

But she does, and she is.

Setsuna puts her face in her hands and says nothing.

"I think this is the part where you apologize."

"I'm sorry," she offers dully, still not looking at Konoka.

"Are you hurt?"

Setsuna doesn't answer, so Konoka plops down in front of her, carefully extracting Setsuna's face from her hands. She runs her fingers over Setsuna's body, checking for injuries, and maybe just needing an excuse to do it all. She finds old wounds but doesn't question them. Instead Konoka pulls the other girl into a hug without warning.

Setsuna, who was already having a hard time with Konoka's hands on her, can't fight back the blush this time.

"Ojou-sama?"

"Don't call me that," Konoka says half-heartedly, and Setsuna can hear the tears before she can feel them through her shirt.

"Why are you crying?" She can think of quite a few reasons why Konoka might be crying, but she asks anyway. She awkwardly tries to comfort the taller girl, but she's never been very good at these things.

"I'm happy, to be honest. I know what you said, but I wasn't sure you'd still care enough about me to do something so stupid."

Setsuna knows it's kind of a jibe, but she somehow takes it as a compliment.

"I will _always_ care about you. And I really am sorry," she adds.

Konoka rubs her cheek against Setsuna's, making the already embarrassed girl blush even harder. She holds firmly when Setsuna tries to flinch away, determined to get her comfort, damnit.

"Thank you. Do you want to make it up to me?"

"Yes."

Of course she does. She just tried to kill Konoka's first… well, almost everything, really. She totally ignored common sense and her Ojou-sama's wishes, she let her emotions get in the way, and damn, _I probably would've killed him if she hadn't interfered_. And that, too. Konoka could have gotten physically hurt trying to stop her. Setsuna berates herself for her rashness, once again acknowledging all the reasons why they should never –

"Date me."

Excuse me?

"Excuse me?" Setsuna asks out loud this time.

She guesses she must've sounded more indignant than she'd intended, because it's Konoka that looks like she wants the ground to swallow her now.

"Or I guess I should say, 'will you go out with me?' Or something… I'm sorry," Konoka interrupts herself, suddenly feeling nervous for no good reason, "I've never actually done this before."

Setsuna knows that of course, but it's not going to stop her from saying, "Absolutely not. You know I can't."

"You _can_," Konoka corrects her, "You just won't."

Setsuna doesn't fight her on the distinction since it's really both, as she's been reminding herself every day for the past who-knows-how-long. Time seems to be taking forever for her nowadays.

"You owe me for trying to rip off Kotaro's limbs. Just one date."

Konoka has resorted to that pleading tone and what Setsuna supposes everyone means when they say "puppy dog eyes," and as a warrior she's been merciless in battle and fought against things that would make a small army nervous, but against Konoka… well. She's the first to admit she's pretty powerless.

And there's that part of her brain reminding her there's nothing else in the world she wants more.

"Just one?" She asks skeptically.

It's not like the world would end from dinner and a movie, or whatever it is people do on real dates. As long as she doesn't let it go to her head, as long as she keeps in mind all the reasons why it's a bad idea, as long as she can stay sharp enough to protect them both during the date should anything happen... she takes one look at Konoka and feels her heart go _thump_, accompanied by the very uncomfortable sensations of nervousness and fear, and knows _that's definitely not going to happen_.

But maybe if she agrees Konoka will finally realize that they're too different, and that Setsuna is too far gone for a healthy relationship to ever work out. At that point maybe she could move on and find someone to date for real, and maybe Setsuna could officially crush that tiny, obnoxiously hopeful voice whispering "_you never know until you try" _all the time.

And maybe she's just making excuses to say yes.

Maybe she's too beat down to care right now.

"Okay," she finally concedes. _It's just one date_, she reaffirms in her head, and can't help but go a bit gooey at Konoka's luminous smile.

"Okay," Konoka agrees, already twenty steps ahead and nervous about where they'll go and what they'll do, despite the fact that they've been out alone countless times. But this will be different, because it will be a _real_ date, one where they've both agreed to call it that. Something more than a bodyguard tailing her charge or two friends going shopping together.

Dating will mean expectations and chemistry and being a couple out in the open.

_But,_ Konoka tries to calm her preemptive nerves, _it also means a chance_.

She'd said one date, but she doesn't plan to settle for that. All she has to do is prove to Setsuna that her fears are unfounded, that Konoka is more than capable of accepting her, and that they'll both be able to deal with the many consequences of their relationship.

_Is that all? _She thinks sarcastically, and then remembers that it's not.

There's also Tsukuyomi.

Konoka remembers Kotaro's warning, and thinks maybe she's right to be nervous.

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	13. Scar Tissue

**xx**

* * *

_Scar tissue that I wish you saw,_

_Sarcastic Mr. Know-It-All,_

_Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause with the birds I'll share –_

_With the birds I'll share this lonely view…_

- _Red Hot Chili Peppers_

* * *

Setsuna narrows her eyes in challenge at her enemy.

It's her fault this beast exists. Having neglected to care for it, its response was merely to grow until Setsuna couldn't ignore it any longer. Now it's gotten to be quite big, sitting in the corner stiff with mud and dirt and blood, and Mana had pointed it out this morning in a rather hostile manner.

"Do your fucking laundry, would you?"

She sighs and grabs a bag. The pile of dirty clothes isn't even that big since she owns very few outfits; it seemed pretty unnecessary to be that harsh about so small an act of uncleanliness. But then Mana had seemingly run out of patience for Setsuna's incurable mopiness after the shenanigans outside of Kotaro's dorm. Not that Setsuna can blame her.

She's still ashamed of both her hypocrisy and adding another level of betrayal to her list of ever-growing crimes. As if sleeping with Tsukuyomi wasn't bad enough, she then tried to murder one of Negi's best friends. Still, considering the sterility of their relationship, apologizing to Mana would be more awkward than not talking about it. Her best bet is just to behave herself and stay out of her roommate's way, even if it's something as silly as picking up her clothes.

But doing the laundry in a dorm full of is easier said than done. When the washing machines aren't broken, they're full, and taking out somebody else's load is a sure way to get a verbal beating that Setsuna really doesn't want to put up with.

The safer bet would be to go to Asuna's building. There are fewer offenders there, and twice as many machines since the dorm is so much larger. Hauling the bag over her shoulder, she walks the distance and goes straight to the basement laundry room in an attempt to avoid having to talk to anyone. Remembering that she's expected to go on a date with Konoka a mere two days away is enough to make her want to run screaming to the hills. Having to talk awkwardly talk to her before that would just be plain torture.

She manages to make it to the basement without interference, but her mission is decidedly unsuccessful. Setsuna's about to curse her luck until she realizes who, exactly, is standing dumbfounded in front of the washing machine.

The perplexed expression on Tsukuyomi's face is cute enough that Setsuna has to remind herself this is the same girl that's almost killed her a number of times. She doesn't say anything at first, being amused enough as a bystander.

_Tsukuyomi, master of the Shinmeryuu swordsmanship techniques, the ruthless and unmerciful slayer of men and demons alike, capable of taking on opponents ten times her size… defeated by a washing machine._

It doesn't even remotely fit in with the rest of her repertoire, and Setsuna tries and fails to keep from laughing at the absurdity of her own thoughts.

"What's so funny?"

Tsukuyomi isn't surprised to see Setsuna, but she can't help but be slightly peeved at getting laughed at for seemingly no reason. She'd had enough of that from Kotaro, and the memory is enough to put her in a bad mood.

"Uh, nothing really," Setsuna says hastily, even though she's obviously still trying not to laugh, "I guess I just never imagined you doing laundry."

"It isn't on my list of favorite fantasies about you either, Senpai."

It's meant to be cheeky and maybe a bit of jab, but something about the way Tsukuyomi says it makes Setsuna wonder if she's actually a bit insulted. With that thought in mind, she sets her own bag down and walks over to Tsukuyomi's machine.

"Let me help you," she says, taking a brief glance at the load of clothes – delicates, of course – and expertly setting the dials.

Tsukuyomi, not used to receiving help with anything, quietly mumbles a "thank you."

Setsuna only nods and shoves her own laundry into a machine. When the water is running she sits in one of the chairs along the wall, and Tsukuyomi follows suit by taking a seat on one of the dryers.

She's kind of glad that Setsuna showed up, if only because waiting the full hour and a half alone would be pretty boring, and she's already spent the whole day by herself. It's even worse now because she's been so agitated. Not to mention she _still_ hasn't killed anything since she's been here, but Kotaro's looking to be a pretty tempting target.

_Stupid boy_.

Tsukuyomi knows he was only being his usual idiotic self, but it still irks her. She takes solace in the fact that it isn't true. She's only playing games with Setsuna. That's all.

And yet a month ago if someone had told either of them they'd be doing laundry together in the near future, they would've just laughed in disbelief.

She thinks maybe she should just leave and come back, but Setsuna's been staring at her for the past five minutes with a weird, awed kind of expression on her face.

"…Do you cook?"

"What do you mean?"

That hadn't been what Tsukuyomi was expecting at all, but lately Setsuna's thought processes have been quite a mystery to her. That admission makes her uncomfortable, so she promptly shoves it away.

"I mean do you, you know, make food for yourself at home?"

"Well of course. I can't let all those people I kill go to waste, now can I?"

Tsukuyomi watches Setsuna's expression shift from curious to _oh dear God_ in a quick second. It's funny, but again, she can't help but feel just a little offended at how easily the girl believed her.

But wasn't she just a second ago thinking that people _should_ believe things like that about her? Anyone that's lived long enough to see her twice knows she's not made of candy and rainbows, after all.

_What is _wrong_ with me_?

"It was a joke," she finally clarifies, and Setsuna's eyes return to a normal size.

Setsuna would've assumed that if anyone else had said it, but Tsukuyomi might be _just _crazy enough… But then again, apparently she does laundry and cooks like everyone else. The thought of her rather mysterious and deadly rival doing chores in her silly dresses is almost enough to get Setsuna laughing again.

"Doesn't it strike you as odd that I do those things too?"

Tsukuyomi considers it.

"Not really. I've watched you do your chores many times since you were a kid."

This time Setsuna waits for Tsukuyomi to clarify she's only kidding, but from the girl's silence it becomes increasingly clear that it's not, in fact, a joke. After a minute Setsuna just shakes her head and decides not to think about that.

Instead she wonders what else she's missing. In her imagination Tsukuyomi used to seem like an untouchable murderous being. Setsuna didn't spend a lot of time thinking about what Tsukuyomi did when she wasn't being a mercenary, but when she did, she always figured she'd be doing… well, _Tsukuyomi _things. Or at least not dishes and laundry.

"So wait," Setsuna cuts the silence suddenly, "Do you go shopping? Or to restaurants? And with who?"

"Jealous or something?"

Tsukuyomi doesn't really understand the reasoning behind these silly questions, and she can't help but feel just a _little _defensive. I mean, she hadn't exactly been expecting Setsuna to hold her in the highest regard, but did her Senpai really think she was an animal or something?

When Setsuna doesn't answer she decides to humor her. Pushing her long hair behind her shoulder she answers:

"I get my dresses from specialty or costume shops, if that's what you're wondering. And I do go out to eat sometimes, but not _with _anyone."

_She even flicks her hair like a normal girl_…

Setsuna marvels for a moment at this discovery.

She knows she really shouldn't be so surprised about any of this; Tsukuyomi is only doing what almost _everyone_ who lives in a modern society does. But she'd never considered Tsukuyomi to be part of that "everyone." She always seemed to stand just on the fringes in Setsuna's peripheral vision.

Getting up from her chair she walks over to where the blonde is sitting. She _looks_ completely normal too. Now that she thinks about it, Setsuna's never encountered a full-fledged demon that looks exactly like a human before.

"What did your parents look like?"

"No idea."

Tsukuyomi sits tolerantly as Setsuna picks up her hands or various limbs and examines them like she's a science experiment.

"Why is it you look so human?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say to blend in. The more you look like your prey the closer you can get, after all."

"Ah, I see. That does make sense."

Makes sense? Well, it does, Tsukuyomi muses, but she certainly hadn't been expecting so nonchalant an answer from the usually easily flustered girl. That calmness bothers her. But maybe it's because, to Setsuna's battle-trained brain, camouflage of any kind doesn't strike a nerve anymore.

She watches Setsuna put both hands on either side of her and lean forward, bracing herself against the washing machine. Squinting her eyes she tries to find some kind of imperfection, or any clue whatsoever that this girl might not be human.

Although Tsukuyomi had been quite nice about it until now, Setsuna's bravery is still annoying. When her Senpai is two inches away from her face she changes her eye color, waiting for that unnerved reaction she'd received every time before.

_She caught me off guard, but she's still predictable-_

"Can you do that without blinking, or do you have to?"

She promptly shoves Setsuna away from her and narrows her eyes.

"Knock it off already."

Setsuna steps back a bit, surprised at the sudden attitude change.

"I'm sorry," she says, holding her hands up defensively, "I guess I just realized I don't really know anything about you-"

"And why do _you_ care?"

"Because – "

Wait. Why does she?

It's important in _real_ relationships, obviously. Getting to know each other is step one to go anywhere with a person, no matter if it's friendship or romance. Even Setsuna's not dense enough to mistake that aspect.

But with something like this? That's an entirely different story. This isn't real; there's no future that doesn't end in violent and premature death. _But then again_, she muses thoughtfully, _there's an end to everything_. People get to know each other regardless of permanence, and _that_ is because… _they care about each other, I guess._

Setsuna shakes her head and shoves off that uncomfortable line of reasoning.

Besides, no need to go soul-searching when it's obvious even to her that Tsukuyomi is only upset about something or other. She's only being defensive because she's in a bad mood. Setsuna takes a mental step back at that. She's never seen Tsukuyomi in a bad mood before, now that she thinks about it. Or any mood, actually, except cheerful and murderous.

"Is something bothering you?" She finally asks.

Bothering her? _Bothering_ her? Well even if it was, she isn't going to respond to that question when it's phrased so badly. Something bothersome is like a bee sting, or your clothes shrinking in the dryer. Tsukuyomi wouldn't be so sullen about something so small. She's _angry_ because some _idiot_ basically told her that she's about as threatening as a fruit fly, and that she's supposedly _whipped_ or whatever juvenile phrase people use. And that's definitely not trivial. And it certainly isn't at all analogous to someone calling you a mean name or anything insignificant like that.

_...Damnit._

"Do I scare you?"

"What?" Setsuna leans forward a bit, surprised by how quiet the response was.

"Do you think I'm _scary_," Tsukuyomi asks a bit louder this time.

"Uh."

What's the right answer to that question? Normally it would be no, but…

"Why?" She decides stalling is the best response, and luckily Tsukuyomi has to think about her answer to that one.

Being feared isn't one of her top priorities at all; in fact, it's more burdensome than anything else. Immediately being recognized as a threat is usually only an impediment to her goals, and she realizes that's not really the question she wanted to ask. It's just that the other one is a lot more complicated.

'_Why would I be when you're so obviously whipped by Feather Face over there?'_

Tsukuyomi scoffs at the memory.

She doesn't let anyone control her. So why is she so bothered by a statement that's clearly just a spur of the moment insult, one that was delivered by someone she'd categorized as an idiot years ago, one that's _obviously_ not true?

If it _was_ true then she wouldn't be willing to kill the girl in front of her anymore, if it was true she'd actually care what Setsuna thought. She'd no longer be irrevocably, inarguably _free_.

And that would be bad. Right?

"What brings this up?" Setsuna asks again. Tsukuyomi is about to cite Kotaro's insult, but then she remembers the other girl wasn't conscious for it.

"Someone said something rather rude to me, that's all."

"What? Who did?"

Setsuna can't squash the indignation that arises at that thought, though she's not sure why. It's not like Tsukuyomi probably didn't deserve it, and Setsuna's been the deliverer of some rather mean statements herself.

"Don't worry about it, Senpai."

Tsukuyomi had been staring at the ground, so she's surprised to feel the lid of the dryer bend a bit under another weight.

"So someone called you scary, huh?"

"Something like that."

"Well, I can't say I blame them, you know. I used to feel the same way."

"Senpai, please don't – "

It makes sense that Setsuna would interpret it that way, but the irony of her trying to comfort Tsukuyomi over the backwards event doesn't escape her. She wants to tell Setsuna to stop, partly because the stupidity of it annoys her, but also because, for whatever reason, it just makes her feel _worse_ to hear her Senpai admit that. _But that's how it should be_, she tries to remind herself.

"Sorry, sorry," Setsuna interrupts, holding her hands up again like Tsukuyomi is going to jump at her, "I'm not very good at comforting people, and I know someone like you probably wouldn't want that kind of sympathy anyway."

This is _not_ helping.

_Just shut up already –_

"But, really, I'm not doing it to make you feel better. I think we can both agree there are too many words spoken between people without any meaning behind them," Setsuna stops kicking her legs nervously and finally looks at Tsukuyomi. "You _used_ to scare me. At first it was because you were always stronger. Eventually I stopped being afraid of dying, though, and then it became something else. I was scared that you'd hurt Ojou-sama, but I think what scared me the most was what you showed me about _myself_."

Tsukuyomi feels the unfamiliar grip of apprehension. It's a strange sensation, being afraid of words, and this conversation isn't what she was looking for _at all_ – but she can't seem to tell Setsuna to shut up, either.

"Do you remember, when we were kids, how we were both ostracized by the other swordsmen at first? But then after I changed the way I looked they took me in for real. I was half-human and that was enough for them. And I wanted to be part of that so badly it was enough for me, too. I didn't want to think of myself as someone like you, a demon, someone they called a 'natural murderer.' So I separated us in my mind. I became ashamed of who and what I was, and when you got kicked around for having the same blood that runs through me, I told myself I was better than you and shrugged it off. I'm sorry for that now," Setsuna adds quietly.

"I always really admired you for that actually, weird as it sounds. Even though nobody wanted to see it, you never hid yourself from me or anyone else. I've always known you're… well, the way you are. I don't think I could be that straightforward, even now, but I feel like I should at least try and return that honesty."

She puts her hand on Tsukuyomi's, and the other girl doesn't pull away anymore.

"The more I fought and killed, the harder it was to ignore how much I liked it. _That's_ what scared me, how similar you and I are in that regard. I was even afraid to be close to the people I cared about. But after all this… no, I don't think you're so scary anymore."

"Why's that?" Tsukuyomi isn't sure if they're leaning closer or if it's her imagination.

"It's because I don't believe there's anything wrong with you anymore, Tsukuyomi – you're not the monster I made you out to be. You're just _you_, and I'm not afraid of them anymore. Our similarities, I mean. And I know it sounds cheesy, but after a while I realized that by that logic, being like you – and being like _me_ – might not be so bad."

They're close enough now that they can feel the heat from each other's faces.

Tsukuyomi wants to laugh at how ridiculous this is. The point of her question was that she'd wanted the _opposite_ response. She's _supposed _to scare Setsuna, she's _supposed_ to be a heartless monster, Setsuna's _supposed_ to fool herself into thinking Tsukuyomi's some kind of super villain.

This wasn't the answer she wanted at all, but the biggest irony is that she likes _this_ _answer _better. She doesn't want to think about what that means yet.

"I wasn't sure why I sought you out at first, but I think I get it now. I thought I'd be dooming myself to some horrible fate with you; that it'd never work because of who and what we are. But I like it, here with you; I was wrong about the first part."

"And the second?"

"The second," Setsuna repeats in a mumble and leans closer, "I'm not so sure anymore."

Part of Tsukuyomi knows what's about to happen. It kicks and screams and tells her this is a _horrible_ idea, but it dies underneath the weight of the other half of her mind. The little piece inside her she can't seem to destroy, the one that simply _wants, _the part that closes her eyes and tells herself to _just this once_, only this one time, _let it happen_.

And she was never one to indulge in romance novels or chick flicks. She thinks those things are mostly self-indulgent and badly written, but now she's glad she did at least a couple of times, otherwise she wouldn't know the significance of this moment –

When her breath hitches just before they kiss, and her glasses bump against Setsuna's face –they both laugh as she takes them off for her – and it's _this moment_, this piece of forever whittled down to the barest units of time until the whole world feels like it's holding its breath, and she can _feel_ the milliseconds delayed _just for them_,

And even Tsukuyomi can tell that this is what everyone's always talking about, what author's strive and fail to convey in so many overdone, cheesy words, and now she knows why it always sounds so fucking _fake_,

And it's not why she thought, it's not because it's a lie –

It just feels too good to be real.

* * *

**xx**

****Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	14. MakeDamnSure

**xx**

* * *

_"And we lay, we lay together,_

_Just not too close,_

_Too close…"_

_- Taking Back Sunday_

* * *

Forever passed in a blink, and time and space were interrupted by the obnoxious buzz of the washing machine.

They'd stared at each other for a second, and Setsuna kind of laughed and asked her if she was alright.

"Absolutely," she'd said, and ran off without even putting her clothes in the drier.

Tsukuyomi went straight back to her room and she hasn't left since then. She's been staring blankly at the wall in the hopes that maybe _it_ could tell her what just happened. To no avail, however, and when the sun had been down for a few hours Setsuna finally knocked on her door.

"Senpai," she'd said, and Setsuna had nodded and half smiled in that awkward way of hers.

Tsukuyomi is hardly one to dwell on uncomfortable social situations, but they'd never been that way before and the striking difference in atmosphere was enough to make her wonder what'd changed. There was always an understanding of some kind, a similarity in their distance with each other that existed even after they'd had sex the first time.

Setsuna's gaze kept shifting from her to the bed in an obvious but probably unintentional hint as to her expectations for the night, and Tsukuyomi had at first been relieved to be back in familiar territory. At least, until she remembered that taking off her shirt would reveal her lack-of-seal situation. Somehow she didn't think Setsuna would believe she'd suddenly become body shy.

"I'm not really…"

What do normal people say when they don't want to have sex? Tsukuyomi has no idea, and for a brief second she could kind of understand why Setsuna has so much trouble in the social world of humans.

But Setsuna got the message anyway, and had only shrugged, not really looking disappointed or surprised.

"That's okay. We could just lie down, if you want."

She wanted to ask why, but the '_if you want_' of the statement made her reconsider.

"Okay," she'd said.

They walked over to the bed, and Setsuna had pulled her shoes off and slipped under the covers after Tsukuyomi. The blonde wondered for a while what she should say, but she wondered so long that eventually she realized it was past the point of conversation.

It dawns on her that she doesn't need to talk to Setsuna to get her to stay anymore. They are lying in bed and pressed together thanks to the ridiculously small mattress, and Setsuna's hair is tickling her neck now but Tsukuyomi hardly notices. She's too busy thinking.

Their habits have changed and she's stuck wondering why.

Setsuna used to leave immediately, and then they talked so long she couldn't help but fall asleep, and now Tsukuyomi doesn't have to say anything at all. It's strange that the other girl wouldn't just leave.

Why would she stay, after all?

Is there a real reason to spend time with someone when they're not engaged with you in some way? Tsukuyomi thought she understood humans, and Setsuna in particular, but only in behavior. Understanding the _why_ would mean needing to empathize with them, and for Tsukuyomi that's a rather silly idea. Sentiments are what get in the way of other, more fun things. Like killing.

But they are simply lying here, and Setsuna seems perfectly content to stare sleepily at nothing.

And so is she.

Is she getting sick or something? Maybe that's why this afternoon happened. She just let her guard down because she was ill, and not because – because of – anything else. Tsukuyomi can feel the words on the edge of her consciousness where she keeps pushing them back, and she remembers what Setsuna said about her being honest with herself and almost laughs.

Whatever is there in her mind wanting to be heard, that's the part of Tsukuyomi that _she_ doesn't want there. She's not completely open with herself either, she knows, but if that's what it takes to be how she is – happy and free – then she's not complaining.

This afternoon was just a fluke.

She'll keep telling herself that. It doesn't matter if she believes it's true or not, and it doesn't matter if there are parts of her that want it to be real. Tsukuyomi does what she has to, no matter how annoying.

She sighs quietly. She misses killing too much.

It's been so long since she felt someone's life drain out of them in vermillion rivers, or a pulse die in someone's throat just beneath her squeezing fingers.

Tsukuyomi guesses she could just _leave._ She could always find Setsuna later and kill her, after all. The thought doesn't make her feel any better though. Her fingers grip the sheets around her waist. She's starting to get frustrated.

It's just that everything's so _quiet _in the outside world without work and without death, and she has nothing to do, and even if she left neither of those things would change and that pestering ache would still be there and –

"I'd miss you."

It takes her a second to realize she's mumbled that out loud.

"What?" Setsuna snaps out of her sleepy daze.

Tsukuyomi wants to ask herself the same question.

The idea is ridiculous. She's stalked Setsuna around for years, but only because she wants to finish the fights they started in childhood. She stays close because the girl piqued her interest, being so determined and so serious and at once so silly. She's fun to watch, and Tsukuyomi has always figured that means she'd be just as fun to kill. Setsuna is a dedicated swordsman, after all, and their battles always got Tsukuyomi's blood raging in excitement and her soul begging for bloodshed.

It makes her happy. Blood and pain and combat make her happy – and so fighting Setsuna makes her happy. It's a challenge, and she's never disappointed by watching the girl struggle. _That's_ what she likes.

But the girl herself? To miss _Setsuna_ and not the things that come along with her?

Ludicrous.

Missing Setsuna would mean caring about her. And caring about things means being tied to them.

And Tsukuyomi will gladly die before she gives up her freedom.

She'll just have to kill her Senpai sooner rather than later. Then all these feelings will definitely go away, and Tsukuyomi can go back to normal.

And if she decides she doesn't want to deal with it anymore, she can just leave Mahora. Forget what she said about it being quiet and boring by herself; she'd be perfectly happy on her own just like she was before. She can leave anytime she wants. Really. She just doesn't want to yet.

"It's nothing," she finally says.

Setsuna looks at Tsukuyomi's hands clenched in the sheets and her darkening eyes and knows it probably wasn't nothing.

She isn't sure what it actually was though. She could've sworn… well, no. That wouldn't make any sense. Tsukuyomi has expressed her excitement to kill her several times, and she's made it very clear that she's only in this for fun. As soon as the fun is gone, well, that would be the end of their relationship. And possibly Setsuna's life.

But really Setsuna doesn't worry that much about it anymore. Although it was Tsukuyomi that originally had her worrying about her ability to protect Konoka, for some reason the thought of Tsukuyomi killing her doesn't seem quite as real nowadays. Not because Setsuna's skill has improved or anything, but something's definitely different.

She can't put her finger on it, whatever it is. Tsukuyomi seems almost relieved when she comes to visit now. She thinks the other girl really has no reason to be, since Setsuna _did_ promise herself to her. And it wouldn't be very like Tsukuyomi to worry anyway. If she didn't get what she wanted she'd just leave, right?

Setsuna thought so, but with Tsukuyomi's near daily complaints about being bored, and not being able to fight anyone, and how she's going to kill Setsuna, her remarks are beginning to sound more like she's trying to remind herself rather than actual threats. Not to mention that she's _still here_, despite all those things.

So why is that? If Tsukuyomi hates this place so much, why is she still here?

_Probably for whatever reason she's always had for following me around_. And as for Setsuna, it's all just a promise.

Those are the easy answers, anyway, even if they're not the honest ones.

_Back to that already, I guess,_ Setsuna smiles to herself.

What other reasons did they have to hang around each other anyway?

But they must have _some_, otherwise they wouldn't be spooning on this bed together in the dark.

And she could've sworn she heard Tsukuyomi say something not-very-Tsukuyomi-like (except maybe if she was being cute in that cheeky, sarcastic way). But she was probably hearing things.

And if she _wasn't_ hearing things, and Tsukuyomi really did say she felt something or other…

Well.

Maybe Setsuna feels something or other too.

* * *

**xx**

****Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	15. Gravity (Part I)

**A/N: **…I lied.

Not sure if this is good news or not! Haha. It took me FAR longer than I thought to edit these chapters, and as it stands right now, I'm only halfway done with the last one… so I thought I'd keep you all interested by posting these three. This particular one was an editing nightmare and kept me occupied for way too much time... But anyway! Hopefully they'll keep you guys entertained until I'm done with the final chapter (coming within the week I hope).

I'll be lame and say "thanks for all the reviews" for now, but everyone's been so awesome to me; shout-outs are overdue and will come with the finale.

'Til then… happy(?) reading!

* * *

_"And you and me got gravity,_

_And we can swim the milky way like star-crossed lovers do;_

_I never really thought we'd ever make it out this far,_

_Did you...?"_

_- No Doubt_

* * *

Setsuna has always been a bit skittish, probably because she's always had a reason to be. Spending most of your life worrying about surviving rather than living will do that to a person.

So when it's four in the evening and she's had the feeling of being watched since noon, Setsuna knows it's not just her imagination.

Tsukuyomi must be somewhere just outside her dorm now, but there's only one window and when she glances sideways out of it she can't see anyone sitting on low branches, or standing on the sidewalk, or even clinging to her building's wall.

Tsukuyomi shouldn't be capable of most of those things now anyway, but Setsuna is wary enough to check regardless.

Sighing in defeat, she opens her window and goes for the obvious approach instead.

"You don't have to do that, you know. You could just come in."

She waits a moment, expecting one of those untroubled and overly cheerful responses so characteristic of Tsukuyomi, but the girl doesn't appear and she's still left with that eerie feeling.

_Fine_, Setsuna thinks, closing the window with audible force and drawing the blinds. Her muscles relax somewhat, but some of the unease stays with her. The part that has nothing to do with being watched. The guilty part.

She throws herself on her bed, frustrated.

She's relieved and annoyed that the other girl didn't appear. On the one hand, her date is only in a couple of hours, and telling Tsukuyomi that she's going out with Konoka seems like a bad idea. That would mean letting the troublemaking girl know that now would be a _perfect_ time to step in and screw with the both of them. It might even mean putting Konoka in danger.

On the other hand, _not_ telling her makes Setsuna feel like a complete bastard.

She's not sure why. Even though she has perfectly valid reasons for not talking to Tsukuyomi about it, Setsuna can't shake the feeling that she's doing something very, very wrong. They _have_ been sleeping together, that's true, _but we're not_ _dating._

And that's the important part, right?

So Tsukuyomi won't care what Setsuna does when they're not together, right? _Right. Well, mostly_. _I think. Maybe._

They'd spent an awful lot of time together; Setsuna's absence probably wouldn't sit well with the other girl, who seemed to go kind of stir crazy when left alone in her room. Probably from lack of entertainment. There's definitely no other viable explanation. None whatsoever.

So, then, Tsukuyomi doesn't care. That's been established. Kind of. And their relationship doesn't really exist. So Setsuna shouldn't feel anything towards the other girl anyway, right?

_Right_.

She doesn't let herself spend too long on that thought train, and valiantly ignores any threads of doubt that may or may not exist. Actually, scratch that "may or may not," they definitely don't exist. Nope. Not one.

And that all means that she definitely, one hundred percent, most certainly should not feel like she's cheating. Right?

_In theory…_

Exactly. So no reason to be guilty or feel otherwise bad about anything.

Setsuna ignores the fact that she hasn't been able to answer yes to any of her own questions. Instead she goes to her closet and stares at all of the six outfits that she owns. Four of them are school uniforms which she pushes aside, although her remaining choices aren't much better.

But even if she _had_ a full wardrobe she wouldn't know what to pick anyway. Nervousness makes her clumsy as she undoes the buttons of a top, and she fumbles with the one on her jeans, and then she's looking at the clock and realizing that all of ten minutes has passed.

_I can't do this_, she thinks for the hundredth time that day.

Setsuna lies back down on her bed, having nothing else to do, and wonders why she couldn't have just said no. All the nerves, and worrying about what to wear and what to say, and the tension, and the awkwardness…

She groans and rolls over. It's all so complicated. Why couldn't it just be easy, and natural, and worry free, like with –

Her nails dig into her forearm as she pushes the thought out of her head.

Isn't this what she's always wanted? A date with the girl she loves?

Of course. _I just didn't think it would be this hard._

She rolls back over again and stares at the clock. Another ten minutes has gone by.

_Just a million more to go._

For how anxious she was for Konoka to arrive, the knock on her door sends Setsuna into a panic.

What had she been doing for the past two hours? Did she have everything? Did she even _need_ anything?

_Wallet, keys, phone… _sword? No, Konoka wouldn't allow it.

Forcing her body to cooperate, she pushes her last minute doubts aside and opens the door.

"Hi," Konoka says, tone a bit too high, and Setsuna is glad to know she isn't the only one who's nervous.

"Hi," Setsuna says back. She has to remind herself not to use formalities. "You, uh, look, um, really good," she stammers out, partly because it's what she's supposed to say, but mostly because it's true.

Konoka always looks good to her, of course, but it's totally different when she's _trying_ to impress her. It's… well, impressive.

"Thank you," Konoka's reply is quick to avoid any awkward silence, "Are you ready to go?"

Setsuna turns and takes one last longing glance at Yuunagi leaning against her bedside, but noticing Konoka's disappointed expression, she says nothing about it.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

Ready to step out the door, anyway. Ready for this date? Well, that's another matter entirely.

Setsuna has to make an effort to keep pace with Konoka rather than follow behind her – not exactly date-like behavior, to say the least. They're out of the door and Setsuna wants to ask where they're going but doesn't, _would that be rude?_ She doesn't know, so she struggles to find something to say and comes up short, as usual.

Something close to panic pushes all her doubts to the forefront of her mind.

_This was definitely a bad idea_, she thinks, nervously shoving her hands in her pockets. All the things that could go wrong pop up in her thoughts, and a million internal questions have her nearly grinding her teeth in anxiety.

_What if I offend her? What if it's this silent the whole time? What if we're walking around together and she decides to hold my hand and one of our classmates catches us together and I have to try and explain that for once it's actually what it looks like but no one can know and –_

The more rational part of her wants to ask the grounding question of 'what if the ground caves in or the sky falls on your head,' but the rest of her just thinks that sounds quite lovely right now.

Konoka's giggling interrupts her jumbled thoughts.

"What's funny?"

"This is just awkward, isn't it?"

Setsuna bows her head in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry."

Konoka shrugs, but she's stopped walking so they can talk face to face.

"It's just that less than two months ago I would've barged into your room and dragged you with me somewhere, and we would've been complaining about chemistry to each other and tried to agree on a place to eat. But we haven't really said a word to each other yet."

_My fault_, Setsuna thinks, and Konoka sees it clear as day.

"Tsukuyomi came and talked to me a while ago," she says after a moment of silence.

Setsuna's guilty expression intensifies. She'd known that, but she'd kind of been wishing it wouldn't get mentioned.

"I don't remember her words exactly, but she said that I don't really know you because I don't know your history. Evangeline said something similar, about loving half a person or something like that. But even when we talked that one time I guess I never really asked _you_, so before we go anywhere, I need to know something."

"Okay," Setsuna agrees wearily.

Konoka fiddles with the _ala alba_ symbol on her necklace and tries to figure out where to start.

"I think I knew I loved you when I was eight, but I didn't think anything of it until grandpa started sending me on omiais when I was twelve," she finally says, just when Setsuna was beginning to wonder if she was going to say anything at all.

"I'd watched you grow up without me, and I could tell that whatever you were doing out there on your own wasn't something I'd like… but even now I always remember you as the person that makes me happy at the cost of everything else," Konoka squeezes her hand for emphasis, "The person who thinks she's honor-bound not to look at me when I change, but who peeks through her fingers anyway because you'll always make those exceptions for me."

She giggles at Setsuna's hand-in-the-cookie-jar expression.

"And even though everyone keeps telling me I'm wrong, I still think _you_ are that person. Are you?"

Setsuna could never subdue her own self-loathing long enough to admit half those things, but she can attest to the last one at least.

She settles for an "I think so," and Konoka seems mostly satisfied with that answer.

"So if you agree that I know who you are, do you believe me when I say that I love _you_?" She pokes her finger against Setsuna's chest, "For and despite the things you've done?"

Setsuna is pretty dense when it comes to social things, but she's not oblivious enough to miss Konoka's not-so-subtle hints and the very non-platonic way she often shows her affection. In an out-of-body way Setsuna can feel that attraction, and she knows her own heart can reciprocate with ten thousand times the force. But the rest of her struggles with the thought that she, _Konoka "Kono-chan" Konoe_, could ever possibly love her.

At the same time, Setsuna knows Konoka wouldn't intentionally lie to her about anything less benign than a surprise party, so at the very least she knows that Konoka _thinks_ she loves her.

But is that a yes?

Konoka let's go of her hand and Setsuna looks up, expecting to see tears. The brunette is fighting them back valiantly though, and she manages a smile anyway.

"I didn't think so, and that's okay. With that perfect image of me in your head, and that rather unflattering one of you, it must be hard to believe."

Setsuna nods. She hit the nail on the head, as usual.

"So before we go on this date, let's get rid of those images. Let's agree to not be Kono-chan and Secchan anymore."

"But I like Kono-chan," Setsuna says hurriedly, blushing because it's the first time she's used that nickname in many years. She's undeniably cute using that flustered tone and with her face tinged pink. It makes Konoka happy to see her being so silly, and horribly sad to have to let go of that picture.

"And I like Secchan. But we can't be those people for each other anymore."

Setsuna looks like she wants to protest, but the serious expression on Konoka's face makes her stop. She knows it's true, in a way. If a relationship was ever going to work for them their history would only bog them down, especially after everything that's happened in the past few months.

But does she want a relationship? Wasn't that the whole point of seeking out Tsukuyomi, of throwing herself recklessly into self-destructive situations? She'd been trying to protect Konoka from herself, and trying to distract herself from Konoka.

She reminds herself that she'd only cause trouble – a semi-violent restless nature, her self-loathing and constant state of doubt, not to mention what the Konoe family would say –

Setsuna growls frustratedly, looking away from Konoka's expectant expression.

"I can't," she says finally, and Konoka turns her by the shoulder suddenly so they're facing again.

"Stop being selfish."

"What?"

"Let me guess what's going through your head right now."

Setsuna fiddles with the hem of her shirt nervously, a familiar sense of déjà vu for a similar instance in the magical world comes to mind.

"You're thinking about how much trouble it'd be for me if we were together."

Yep, definitely déjà vu.

_How does she do that?_

"On the one hand, you're worried that you're a horrible person and I shouldn't have to deal with you, and your lowly status would reflect badly on me and my family. Am I getting this right so far?"

Setsuna averts her eyes and nods, too embarrassed at being so thoroughly see-through to actually answer.

"On the other hand, some part of you must have recognized that if it's painful for you to be away from me, that I must be feeling something pretty similar. But instead of acknowledging that you've chosen to stay far away from me in order to avoid feeling guilty."

She looks at Setsuna expectantly, and the nervous girl shrugs her agreement. That hadn't been her intention of course, but she supposes the effects of it are true.

"So by running away you're indulging what makes _you_ happy, which is to see me potentially happy in some distant future with someone you consider more worthy, instead of doing what _actually_ makes me happy. And since you're just making yourself happy, that's selfish, right?"

"Um, well, if you put it that way then I guess – "

"Exactly. But seeing _you_ happy is what makes _me_ happy, and what would make_ you_ happy is to date me. So by not dating me and making yourself happy, you're preventing me from being happy. Which is selfish, and only hurts me. Is your goal to hurt me, Setsuna?"

"No! I would _never_ –"

"Then stop trying to protect me and just _date me already!_"

The word "happy" has, of course, lost all meaning to the extremely flustered Setsuna after hearing it so many times. But the sentiment is pretty clear.

"Make you happy by making myself happy?" She repeats, and Konoka nods sternly.

Setsuna goes through the logic in her head step-by-step, and although she can't shake the feeling that she's being talked in a circle and tricked, when she tries to find flaws in the argument she comes up blank.

There's a long period of quiet as the gears in Setsuna's head turn.

"But what if – "

"No," Konoka puts her hands on Setsuna's shoulders, "Don't start with that. In all your crazy in-head scenarios, did you ever think that maybe everything would just, you know, _be okay_? I'm not asking you to marry me, Setsuna; I'm just asking you to give me a chance."

In all honesty, Setsuna really _hadn't_ asked herself that question.

She'd even accepted this date on the premise that it _wouldn't work,_ that it would crush all the nagging hope and stupid fantasies once it became clear to Konoka that Setsuna's just a substanceless, failed shell of a person. That would be the end of it.

But for everything to work out? For Konoka to actually _like_ what she sees?

It never occurred to her that was a real possibility.

The idea of being in a relationship together, of thrusting all her issues on Konoka and potentially damaging her and preventing a happier future – is trying to prevent that actually selfish? The thought of putting her in pain makes Setsuna want to curl into a ball and die, but when Konoka squeezes her shoulder and asks in guileless, bare-naked desperation –

"_Please?"_

Well, that makes her want to die even more. She gives a long, suffering sigh.

_Who am I kidding?_

Was staying away from Konoka for the rest of her life ever even possible? Not unless she was dead, probably. Which may have been the plan anyway, but if Konoka really loves her what would that accomplish? Thinking you're never going to see the person you love again is an excruciating pain, and one that Setsuna understands well now.

And it all boils down to excuses anyway when she remembers how much she's wanted this.

Konoka has, by this time, begun to pace impatiently.

In reality she doesn't _really_ think Setsuna is selfish, but she _does_ know that after all her previous attempts at arguing with the girl, this line of reasoning is the only one that has any chance of getting through her stubborn skull.

Just when she's about to give up and, by the power invested in her by her dad, straight-up _order_ Setsuna to just date her, there's a hand on her shoulder to pause her pacing.

"Okay," Setsuna says.

"Okay?"

That's it? Is she hearing things?

"Okay."

Konoka manages to restrain herself from jumping with joy, but she can't help but laugh as the tension slowly melts.

"So where do we start?" Setsuna asks, looking unsure now.

Konoka has to think about that. How do two people who've known each other forever start over again?

_From the beginning, I guess_.

She takes a step back and sticks out her hand.

"Hi," she says cheerily, still grinning, "I'm Konoka."

Setsuna takes her hand and gives it one shake, "Setsuna," she says, brief as she would be if they were actually introducing themselves for the first time.

It feels rather silly to be doing this, and _it's all just pretend_ she thinks, but when she lets go of Konoka's hand the butterflies are there all the same.

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	16. Volcanoes

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* * *

_"Don't throw yourself like that,_

_In front of me,_

_I kissed your mouth, your back,_

_Is that all you need?_

_Don't drag my love around_

_Volcanoes melt me down..."_

_-Damien Rice_

* * *

Despite what Kotaro said, Tsukuyomi isn't chained by _anyone_.

She's free as a bird, able to come and go as she likes, totally unattached to everyone and everything. She doesn't need to convince herself of that.

And yet when Setsuna calls for her from her bedroom window, Tsukuyomi doesn't appear like she normally would.

_I don't have to_, she thinks, maybe a bit childishly, and shoves down her disappointment when Setsuna bangs the window closed and shuts the blinds.

She stares unblinkingly at the dark glass and clutches her stomach where the seal is supposed to be.

_I could kill her_, she knows, and the thought sends a surge of emotion and excitement down her spine so strong it makes her nauseous. She's been on edge lately, and her body hasn't been taking well to all the intensified mental reactions. She takes a few deep breaths and tries to relax her body.

Eventually the sound of footsteps below her perch snaps Tsukuyomi out of her daze.

There's Setsuna. _And Ojou-sama_. She grits her teeth and feels the anger nullify her calming meditations. Her muscles coil up again and she screws her eyes shut and reminds herself –

_I don't care I don't care I don't care –_

She repeats the mantra in her head, waiting for the rage to subside. Tsukuyomi knows she's being irrational. She has no reason to care whatsoever about what Setsuna does outside of their time together.

And so what if she's with Konoka? As far as Tsukuyomi's concerned, Ojou-sama's nothing but a spoiled child who happened to inherit a lot of money and power that she doesn't know how to use anyway. Tsukuyomi has little respect for weaklings and she wonders, not for the first time, what her Senpai sees in the girl.

But there must be something there. Something that Tsukuyomi can't see and something that she herself must be missing. Otherwise Setsuna wouldn't bother, right?

_That's true_, she thinks reasonably. If she had whatever quality her Senpai thinks Konoka possesses, there would be no contest. Setsuna would keep her promise, she wouldn't be going behind Tsukuyomi's back, she would _stay with me and I wouldn't be so _fucking _angry –_

Deep breath.

Again.

_Nope_. Still pissed.

Before the door behind them can shut she enters Setsuna's dorm. She grabs Yuunagi from its resting place against the bedframe and exits again, following the couple from behind the tree line a dozen yards away.

She's close enough to hear that ridiculous conversation and Konoka's circular reasoning, and the word "okay" spoken in Setsuna's voice reverberates in her head.

Tsukuyomi sits, dumbfounded.

Okay? Just like that? After all that struggling and self-deprecation, Setsuna's just going to let them start over again like two kids playing pretend?

_It shouldn't be that easy_. She'll _make sure_ it's not that easy.

Because what happens now?

They go on their date and watch a movie and eat dinner, or whatever it is they'd planned, and have a great time and rediscover their love for each other and supposedly live happily ever after? And Tsukuyomi will –

Will what? Let it go? Leave? Go back to stalking Setsuna from a distance while that stupid girl gets to be happy and live her life in relative peace, forgetting all about Tsukuyomi and not having to worry about the consequences of – of –

_Hurting me_.

"Ugh," Tsukuyomi grips her head. Hurt how?

Setsuna and Konoka have gone by now, leaving her alone with her anger and the _stupid, unnecessary_ pain in her body.

She can feel reason slipping away, like when Setsuna manages to get a hit off in battle and all that's left is the unquenchable need to destroy. She forces herself to sit still and wait for her mind to come back and the pain to go away. She waits so long the sun is almost completely gone behind the horizon, but the feelings don't leave.

Tsukuyomi puts a hand over her chest even though she knows she's not injured.

_What _is _that_?

"Betrayal hurts, doesn't it?"

Her head snaps up at the voice behind her and she jumps away to another tree, glad for once that she didn't wear one of her frilly dresses.

_Betrayal? Is that what this is?_

She lands on all fours using her hands to balance, and the figure behind her raises an eyebrow.

"I see you've managed to shake the seal that boya gave you."

It would be useless to try and hide that from the _Maga Nosferatu_, so Tsukuyomi doesn't bother.

"Evangeline," she greets the vampire, still trying to maintain her grip on the powers of higher thought. Attacking Evangeline would be a death sentence, but honestly, for even a good fight that doesn't sound so bad right now… at least her headache would go away.

Evangeline can see Tsukuyomi gauging her and arguing with herself. She smiles.

"Who would've thought! I guess you're not so scary after all, hm?"

"What do you mean?" Tsukuyomi's fingernails dig into the tree bark in an attempt to stay calm.

"No wonder you call that Birdbrain 'senpai,' you're even more of a kid than she is," Evangeline laughs, but finds herself having to quickly sidestep Tsukuyomi's lunge. She doesn't blink an eye when the tree she was standing in front of gets sliced in half.

"Cut that out," Evangeline's smile disappears, "You and I both know you'll die."

Tsukuyomi takes a deep breath and tries to remind herself of that.

"What do you want?"

"I only came to watch the spectacle, of course. You've been causing a lot of trouble for two of my students lately, so I thought I'd see the big-bad villain for myself."

"And?" Tsukuyomi's eyes shift to yellow and black. It's a lame attempt at being intimidating towards someone with so much more experience than her, but something instinctual in her is burning and getting increasingly harder to fight.

"And all I see is a love sick puppy. From what I hear you used to be so _scary_ and _cruel_, but it looks like somewhere along the way you lost your edge. Don't tell me you actually have _feelings_ for her now?" She uses the words mockingly, and Tsukuyomi's hold slips a little further.

"Ridiculous," She disappears from view for a second, reappearing crouched in front of Evangeline. She jabs straight upwards with her sword, attempting to skewer the vampire's head. Evangeline merely shifts to the side, not wasting energy with unnecessary movements.

"Don't make me laugh. You can't beat me as human as you are now."

Tsukuyomi recognizes those words.

_How_? Had Setsuna told her? Did Evangeline just _know_ she'd once said that same thing to Setsuna?

From the knowing smile on the vampire's face, it had to be one or the other.

But Tsukuyomi _isn't_ human, and she isn't distracted by frivolous feelings or barred by anybody's rules. _I can do whatever I want… I can kill Senpai anytime… I can kill anyone I want…_

Her thoughts degrade into something near unintelligible until only one word remains: _kill_.

Ah, how she's missed blood.

Her borrowed sword manages to nick Evangeline on the shoulder with a sporadic strike. She licks the blood spatter off her hand, closing her eyes in pleasure.

"That's at least one thing we have in common," Evangeline notes with amusement, and this time when Tsukuyomi lunges at her she's ready.

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	17. Gravity (Part II)

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* * *

_"Gravity,_

_Stay the hell away from me..."_

_-John Mayer_

* * *

They're sitting on the balcony of Konoka's favorite on-campus restaurant.

After their initial shyness, Setsuna was pleased to remember a fact she'd been ignoring in all her trepidation and fear over interacting with Konoka: it's really easy for them to talk to each other. When Setsuna's not brooding and interrupting the natural chemistry she forgets they have, that is.

They've actually been having a good time the whole night. They'd continued with their game of pretending not to know each other, and Konoka's idea of adding honorifics to each other's names was a good way to keep the mood light-hearted. Setsuna can't help but be entertained when Konoka calls her 'Setsuna-san,' something she hadn't even done when they'd met.

All the same, Konoka still hasn't touched her food.

"Something wrong?" Setsuna asks, putting her fork down.

"No, actually, it's kinda the opposite. You seem really happy today, Setsuna."

The absence of the –_san_ lets her know that they're taking a break from their game.

"Of course I'm happy. I'm here with you."

Konoka smiles at the sweet words, but she still looks perturbed by something.

"It's more than that. I know what I said to get you to come on this date with me, about making yourself happy and all, but before you would've still been upset about us being together like this. It can't be just that one conversation that convinced you it's okay."

"You're probably right…"

"So what's different?" Konoka presses, taking Setsuna's hand for reassurance.

She laces their fingers together and Setsuna stares a moment at their intertwined hands, rubbing her thumb over the back of Konoka's.

"I don't think now is an appropriate time to talk about it, but I'll try my best if you'd like."

Konoka can pretty much guess what this is about now.

"Tsukuyomi?"

Setsuna smiles guiltily for a 'yes.'

"It's hard to explain, but it's kind of like… you know that saying, 'you can't love someone else until you love yourself?'"

"That doesn't sound very likely for you," Konoka remarks a bit cynically.

"You're right, it's not. I still can't say that I like myself very much, but I _do_ li – lo – care about – I mean – " Setsuna takes a deep breath and settles for, "She's not all that evil. And we're similar in some ways, so I guess that means I'm not so bad either. Or something. I'm sorry, this all sounded much clearer in my head."

"It makes sense," Konoka squeezes her hand, "And even though it's been hellish for us lately, I guess I owe her a thank you."

"How do you mean?"

"If it wasn't for her, this probably wouldn't have been possible," she gestures vaguely at their table and the rest of town, referring to their date, "_We_ probably wouldn't have been possible."

Setsuna looks out at the lights in the distance and considers it.

"I guess you're right," she mumbles thoughtfully. She hadn't thought of it like that.

The hand not entwined with Konoka's fiddles with her silverware nervously. The guilt from earlier this evening comes back full force, and this time it's accompanied by apprehension.

_If I tell Tsukuyomi about this now…_

Her stomach flips at the thought. Nothing good would come out of that.

But how the hell is she supposed to get out of this one? She'd never considered the fact that Tsukuyomi might not kill her, or at least take her somewhere far away. She'd never considered that everything might actually, you know, _be okay_ between her and Konoka.

"Are you alright?" Konoka asks, concerned.

"Um, yeah, I just… you ever get the feeling something really bad is about to – "

Someone's shout from below the balcony cuts in:

"What the hell is that?"

There's some murmuring of the other patrons as everyone stares out the windows, and those in the street look up mystified at the bright flashes of light in the distance.

Konoka and Setsuna turn to each other.

"Fireworks, maybe?" Konoka asks hopefully.

Setsuna shakes her head and sighs. Those definitely aren't fireworks.

_And it was going so well, too…_

"What do you think it is?"

Setsuna doesn't answer, standing up from their table and leaning against the balcony railing.

"I thought I –"

_There it is again_.

Massive amounts of magical energy and chi send ripples through the barrier surrounding campus. This time Konoka feels it too, and although more than slightly disheartened by the interruption, she doesn't complain when Setsuna leaves a wad of cash on the table and motions for them to get going.

As soon as they're out of the restaurant they take off running.

"One of them is Evangeline's," Konoka huffs, doing her best to keep up with Setsuna's pace while concentrating on the magical signature.

"The other one I'm not so sure."

Setsuna's heart drops. If Evangeline is expending that much energy it must be a tough opponent, but there's no way someone that strong slipped through the barrier unnoticed. Which probably means…

The sinking feeling intensifies.

She fishes her pactio card with Negi out of her pocket and touches it to her forehead.

_Setsuna, what's going on?_

Negi's words resound in her head, and it takes her a second to adjust to his voice in her mind.

_I'm not sure. You sense that too right?_

_Yes, it seems like Evangeline is out there already. I'll gather everyone-_

_No. Not yet. Konoka and I are already nearby; if it's anything worth worrying about I'll let you know. Please tell the others to stay away._

Normally Negi wouldn't stand for that answer. Although he'd learned to rely on his friends more since their adventures in the magical world, an invasion on the campus is something he'd want to investigate personally. But something in Setsuna's determined voice tells him to stay out of it.

_Okay_, he acquiesces reluctantly, _but if you need any help whatsoever, or if I don't hear from you in twenty minutes –_

_Deal._

Setsuna puts the card back in her pocket, ending the communication. Yuunagi's missing weight where it's supposed to be slung over her shoulder makes her nervous. She calculates the distance to the dorm from her location and quickly decides it would waste too much time.

"Konoka, you should stay where it's safe –"

"Absolutely not. Do you honestly think I'd let you go by yourself?"

"No," Setsuna smiles, "But I had to say it anyway."

Konoka smiles back. She's glad to know that Setsuna is concerned for her, but there's no way she'd stay behind now. Not if Setsuna is going to be put in danger for her safety again, and not if her own friends are in danger. _And,_ a part of her whispers, _you can prove that you can take care of yourself_.

She's been training hard for the next time she'd be able to use her powers. With that thought in mind she pulls her magic into her hands as soon as they hit the edge of the forest. It's slower than usual, but she's never done it while running before. It casts a faint glow around her skin, and in the darkness it makes her stick out like a sore thumb.

"What is that?" Setsuna asks, looking warily at the soft light emanating from Konoka's body.

"Maybe you'll see."

It's getting tiring to run like this, but with her magic out and her excitement building, she finds her speed boosted. Setsuna notices, but doesn't mention it because they're close enough now to hear Evangeline casting her spells –

And the inhuman, bloodthirsty scream that rips out of Tsukuyomi's throat.

Setsuna shudders at the noise. It's almost human, but not close enough.

Konoka seems a little less excited now.

"Is that…?"

Setsuna nods, although it's hard for Konoka to see it in the moonlight. Only her own magical glow keeps her from tripping in the woods. They emerge suddenly into an unnatural clearing created by the battle ensuing in front of them. Evangeline, having noticed them, turns and shouts.

"Setsuna! Control your woman, would you?"

But Tsukuyomi isn't in sight, and Setsuna's skin tingles nervously as she tries to feel out the girl's presence. She pulls off her shoes and lets the talons expose themselves. They're her best bet without her weapon.

In a burst of speed and noise Tsukuyomi is above Evangeline, sword angled downward in an attempt to gut her. The vampire holds one hand up and with a grunt releases a delayed spell that knocks the other girl back a full thirty feet. She hits a tree feet first, carefully balancing herself before disappearing again.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Take a guess!" Evangeline shouts back. There's no way she's going to lose, but she may have underestimated Tsukuyomi just a bit, especially considering there's no full moon.

At Setsuna's dumbfounded look the vampire rolls her eyes.

"She overheard your conversation with your precious Ojou-sama –"

"You heard that!?" Setsuna blushes, embarrassed at being caught by someone who's trained her. Evangeline completely ignores the outburst.

" – And I guess she wasn't too happy about the outcome. You better do something to fix this, you idiot, or I'm going to have to kill her."

Setsuna gives Konoka a look that clearly says _stay_ and jumps into the center of the destroyed battlefield.

"Tsukuyomi?" She calls out wearily, but there's no response.

Tsukuyomi hears her name and watches Setsuna from her spot hidden between branches. She's no animal. She can hear her name and she knows who's calling it, but her mind is in complete disarray.

Without a second thought she bursts from her hiding place, lunging at Setsuna with frightening speed and completely forgetting about her former opponent.

Setsuna falls into a crouch to avoid the sword to her throat and pushes upward with one taloned hand, catching Tsukuyomi under the chin.

"Ouch, Senpai, that hurt," she says mockingly, "Come kiss it better, would you?"

Setsuna recognizes the behavior. Tsukuyomi is just doing it to mess with her, she knows, but that doesn't keep it from working. The blonde has completely lost herself to the battle, just like when they fought in the magical world.

"Stop it," Setsuna tries to be commanding through her fear.

It doesn't work.

Tsukuyomi is on her again, this time faking a swing with her sword and turning her body sideways at the last second to kick Setsuna squarely in the chest.

Setsuna's wings burst forth in an effort to maintain her balance, but with the wind knocked out of her there's not much else she can do.

It takes a full two seconds for her head to stop spinning – an eternity in battle – and she tries to roll to the side and stand up. Tsukuyomi is quick to plant her foot straight into Setsuna's stomach, pinning her to the ground.

"_Fuck – "_

"I'm going to kill you now," Tsukuyomi says it with a smile, hovering over Setsuna.

Konoka's panic is growing palpable, and Setsuna can see her inching her way towards them. She sighs regretfully. It had been going so well, but she owes Tsukuyomi at least this much.

Setsuna reaches up to put her hand on Tsukuyomi's cheek. The demonic girl looks like she's about to chop it off, but she ignores the non-verbal threat. To Evangeline's great disgust and Konoka's great discomfort, she pushes up the girl's glasses and kisses her.

"Ugh, that's no way to win a fight," she hears Evangeline mumble.

Tsukuyomi doesn't respond, and it occurs to Setsuna that they've only actually kissed once outside of having sex. The girl might not even know why people do that.

It's a depressing thought, and she allows herself to recognize that this is, in fact, all her fault. Even though Tsukuyomi was the one in control,_**I'm**_ _the one that's really been using __**her.**_

Setsuna cringes with guilt. Even though she'd been denying it to herself to keep their comfortable distance, the fact is that Tsukuyomi _does_ have feelings of some sort. Despite how impossible the notion seems sometimes, she must be capable of them at least if she laughs and gets angry like everybody else.

And even though neither of them admitted it, some part of her knew their time together hasn't been just a fucked-up lie for some time now. Something had changed for both of them, and that same piece of Setsuna's mind _knew_ she would hurt Tsukuyomi by being with Konoka, even temporarily. She'd just done it anyway.

But what could she offer this girl? Setsuna is tired of lying to herself. She cares about Tsukuyomi. More than enemies or rivals care about each other, and more than friends do, just in a different way. She wants her to be happy.

But she'll always love Konoka.

"Tsukuyomi," she finally says, looking the girl straight in the eyes, "Please stop this. I'm sorry for hurting you."

For a moment Setsuna thinks her pseudo plan has worked, but they both hear a mutter from a few yards away, "Are you really willing to be chained by your feelings forever? You'll lose your freedom that way, you know."

Setsuna turns sharply to give Evangeline a look of _what the fuck do you think you're doing_?

The vampire shrugs. "Your solution is short term. I don't know what kind of mushy bullshit you were trying, but even if you got her to calm down now, she can't live like you and your Ojou-sama do. You'll only be making her unhappier in the long run by trying to keep her here with lies or pretenses."

_Damnit, why does she have to be right?_

There's been a slow growl building in Tsukuyomi's throat, escalating as Evangeline talks. She clutches her head with both hands, thoughts whirling without order.

She can't stay here. Any other conclusion would be a lie; she needs to be able to move, to take jobs, to kill on a moment's notice. Living by the strict rules of humans would make her crazy.

It already is.

But if she leaves Mahora then she leaves Setsuna, and that makes her feel very, _very_ bad.

Why? Why can't she just _leave_?

'_I'm surprised she hasn't bought you a collar yet,' _Kotaro's voice appears suddenly in her mind, and she snaps her head up as if expecting to see him. Setsuna's senses warn her to get away, and she slowly backs up until she's standing in front of Konoka.

"Shut _up_," Tsukuyomi whispers to seemingly no one. Konoka and Setsuna glance nervously at each other.

'_When it was over, Ojou-sama was so scared she cried the whole night… but I loved it_._'_

Tsukuyomi breathes in sharply at the memory, surfacing unwanted in her consciousness.

_I can't leave because –_

'_All I see is a love sick puppy.'_

"I'm not a fucking _dog_!" Tsukuyomi is shouting now, and even Evangeline is beginning to look perturbed by the unprovoked commentary.

Tsukuyomi shakes her head violently, trying to expel the various voices and regain some of her composure. She knows they're not real, that they're only manifestations of her own worries, but it doesn't make her any less furious at their goading remarks.

She's never cared about anyone before, why should she start now? She's always been perfectly content to live on her own, by her own rules. There's no one in the world like her anyway, no one who could possibly understand her, and she'd never wished for someone like that regardless –

_Liar_ –

Because she'd just end up killing them. People only hurt you when you're close to them. Your only safe bet is to kill them before they kill you, to watch them bleed away until they're lifeless and you can stand there and know that they can't touch you anymore.

Tsukuyomi loves that feeling of power; she wouldn't give it up for the world. She loves blood and death too much to let her freedom go, but she also loves watching the emotions flit across her Senpai's face. Maybe that's why Setsuna intrigues her so much. She's never felt those things before, even though they're similar, the two of them.

But just because Setsuna is the person she's known longest in her life, the only one who's ever interested her –

'_I'd hate to see all that anger you seem to have all the time disappear, and for all those ridiculous feelings to vanish from the world – '_

Just because she's the only one who's ever made Tsukuyomi feel _happy_ about anything other than death–

'_You should laugh like that more often – '_

Doesn't mean that Tsukuyomi can't kill her anytime she wants. It doesn't mean she needs her, or wants her, or – any other feeling – it only means –

'_I'd miss you…'_

Everything happens so quickly.

Setsuna is suddenly face-to-face with Tsukuyomi, so close that she knows they can only see and hear each other. And maybe that's what Tsukuyomi wants because there's something in her eyes that's not meant for anyone else to see, a wordless expression, and something whispered that's only meant for her to hear.

"Setsuna," she says quietly, not a hint of feeling in the name, and Setsuna's breathing stops for a second. Because even though she doesn't completely understand, in her ten years of knowing Tsukuyomi the girl has never, _ever _called her that before.

Her next two words are all the warning she gets to recover herself.

"Don't die."

But she's so close that Setsuna can only avoid vital damage, twisting her body and feeling her own sword impale her just beside her lung.

Konoka is standing only a couple feet behind them and watches, horrified, as the tip of Yuunagi emerges from Setsuna's back.

From what seems like very, very far away she hears Evangeline curse. Blood blooms on Setsuna's shirt, drenching it in red, and she looks up to see golden eyes staring at her over Setsuna's shoulder.

The eye contact lasts for only half a second, but it's enough for her to see something in the girl's expression that makes Konoka's heart hurt in sympathy.

And then Setsuna's short and pained scream breaks the contact, and all at once she's furious.

Tsukuyomi pulls the sword out with a sickening squelch and drops it. Setsuna hits the ground with a thud, gasping and clutching her injured side.

"Tsukuyomi, don't –" She tries to say, but the blonde fully ignores her and makes a lunge for Konoka, arms outstretched.

Despite her encounter with Evangeline's dummy, Konoka is not prepared for that. She feels Tsukuyomi's hands encircle her neck.

She knows she won't die here, but Setsuna is on the ground and bleeding, looking pleadingly at her, and as long as she's lived she's never been so. Angry.

"How can you… do that… to someone you – "

The hands around her neck squeeze harder, cutting her off even though her voice comes out so choked and raspy she doubts anyone but Tsukuyomi can hear her anyway.

"Me? _You're_ the one she's going to die for."

The rage comes unbridled and bursting, and without instruction she watches her magic explode outwardly from her body in sharp spears of light. Tsukuyomi let's go of her throat, but not fast enough to avoid the near instantaneous attack.

She can feel her body shred in several places, and when Konoka's anger subsides and is replaced by horror the spears disappear, leaving two gaping holes in Tsukuyomi's abdomen and seven smaller ones along her torso and legs.

_I guess this is it_, Tsukuyomi muses, letting her body hit the dirt without resistance.

She's a few feet away from Setsuna, but if she turns her head – the only part of her that seems to want to move right now – she can see the girl's surprised and pained expression and hear her ragged breathing.

Tsukuyomi hears Konoka hits the ground a second later from shock, landing ungracefully on her hands and knees.

_Silly Ojou-sama…_

Her arm is already outstretched from the dead-weight fall and she uncurls her fingers, only a couple of feet from Setsuna, and thinks,

_It wouldn't be so bad to die like this._

With one arm on her wound to help stop the bleeding, it's difficult for Setsuna to reach with the other. They don't quite make it, and she sees Tsukuyomi smile at that.

The blonde tires not to get all metaphorical about it, but she can't help but think that's how it's meant to be. _I'm the one that just cut the ties, after all_.

"Didn't think I'd die first," she mutters instead. Her eyes shut on the last word.

"Heal her, you idiot!" Konoka hears Evangeline call, and she shakily reaches into her pocket and grabs the pactio card with her healing fans on it. She turns to Setsuna first, but the swordswoman holds up her hand to stop her.

"Don't," she says through clenched teeth, "I'll be fine."

"Don't be stupid, you're bleeding everywhere – "

"Please," Setsuna trails off and averts her gaze, ashamed to ask Konoka to heal someone who just tried to kill them both.

But Konoka is who she is, and watching someone bleed to death, especially because of her, is not in her nature.

She bites her lip, "Make me a promise then."

The familiar line strikes a chord in Setsuna – _"You keep your promises, don't you Senpai?"_ The guilt is overwhelming, but she nods anyway.

"Promise you won't die in the next thirty seconds," Konoka says, and Setsuna smiles reassuringly at her.

"I promise."

Tsukuyomi is unconscious and her breathing has stopped now, and for a split second Konoka wonders – _why shouldn't I just –_ but she already said she would, so she waves her fans and watches in amazement as Tsukuyomi's body stiches itself back together.

As soon as the girl is breathing again, she unsummons her fans and places her hands on Setsuna's side, muttering a healing spell under her breath.

Setsuna can feel the energy patching her up, but the blood loss makes her eyelids droop.

"Konoka?" she mumbles sleepily, to which the girl hums in response, still concentrating on her spell. "Thank you."

Konoka knows she doesn't mean for healing her.

"You're welcome," she says, and Setsuna promptly passes out.

By now Evangeline has come close enough to observe the damage, and she stares half impassively and half hungrily at the blood all over the ground. Konoka has known her long enough to not be made uneasy by that look.

When Konoka is finally satisfied with her healing job she pulls her hands back, crumples over, and promptly faints.

Leaving Evangeline.

She sighs at the group of unconscious teenagers, even though she knows they aren't awake enough to appreciate how insufferable they're being.

Still, all things considered, this turned out way better than she'd expected.

Nobody died, for one thing. And it was more entertaining than the teen romance novel she'd been reading.

Evangeline brings her pactio card to her head and summons Chachamaru to help her carry the bodies, and then sits down idly.

_Yes_, she reflects, _this was much better_. There was more gore, more action, more drama… only her feelings about the characters remained the same.

"Fucking idiots."

* * *

**xx**

****Please review and let me know what you think!

**xx**


	18. It's Time

**A/N: **YES! This is the first time I'm going to finish a real multi-chapter fic! But on that note, I've never had to write a real ending before with closure and all that fancy stuff, so hopefully I managed to tie up all the loose ends nicely and say everything that needed to be said.

And now that we're at the end, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm glad to see most of you from the beginning here at final chapter :D It means a lot that you guys would follow this all the way through. Hopefully it was a fun ride.

For future reference, I'm working on a couple other projects now too, but I wouldn't expect them to be done anytime soon. I will say that if all goes according to plan the next one I'm publishing is a more straightforward AU KonoSetsu piece – even though I'm sure you guys all love Tsukuyomi by now! Right? Right!? I adore her, and as long as I'm writing, she'll make another appearance sooner or later. Maybe (and from what I can judge from some of my reviewers~) I've even managed to turn some of you onto some SetsuYomi action? Embrace the dark side, guys.

That being said…

**I LOVE YOU GUYS**.

That is all. Expect thank you emails soon for those with accounts, and please review and let me know what you thought of it all!

* * *

_"The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell…"_

_-Imagine Dragons_

* * *

Tsukuyomi has been awake for a while now, but she doesn't open her eyes.

Part of her wants to reach up and touch the places where Konoka's magic had gone through her, but she resists the urge for now. She can feel her aching muscles and her tiredness, but she doesn't stretch. Her left arm is tucked under her head; it's probably been asleep for a while now because it hurts in that tingly, pins-and-needles way. But she doesn't move that either. She doesn't even turn her head, despite the fact that the sunlight on her eyelids is giving her a headache.

Tsukuyomi doesn't move at all because all these things point to the fact that she's undeniably, unarguably alive. And she's not ready to accept that yet.

But even if she doesn't want to return to the world of the living, she can hear the other Earth-bound souls nearby. Their voices are muffled by a door or wall, but not so much that she can't hear them. Unfortunately.

"You can't honestly expect us to allow for the possibility of – of – _this_ happening again."

She tries not to hear Negi's dumbfounded voice, but he's being rather loud about it all.

"She didn't kill anyone," Setsuna shout-whispers right back, and Tsukuyomi finally opens her eyes.

_She's alive_.

Not that Tsukuyomi was expecting anything less, but the relief is there all the same.

There's two doors in her room – one to the bathroom, one to the hallway – and two windows along the wall to her left. Someone has graciously left a glass of water by her bed, and she sips it and tries to assess her situation.

She's not bound to the bed or anything, and she's been left in somebody's old pajamas. Weapons, of course, are nowhere to be found, but she finds her glasses in the drawer of the bedside table.

"But she could have!" Asuna shouts, not even trying to be quiet, "How could you have let things escalate that far?"

"It's not her fault – Setsuna never intended for this to happen. Don't you think we should just be grateful that we're all okay?"

_Looks like Ojou-sama's alright too_. _That's good_, Tsukuyomi thinks idly, putting her glasses on and giving her body a onceover. Her wounds are completely gone, and besides the stiffness in her muscles, she can't find anything wrong.

"Well I'm _not_ grateful! I'm no heartless monster," Asuna seethes, making an obvious jibe at Tsukuyomi, "But seriously Konoka, couldn't you have just let her _die?_"

There's no clock in the room, but a quick glance outside shows the sun is not quite at its highest position.

_If I leave now, I think I can make it home by 6._

She doesn't really want to stick around for this conversation, anyway.

Outside her room there's a loud _bang_, followed by,

"_Never_ say that again."

Tsukuyomi can practically see the pissed off expression on her Senpai's face and thinks maybe she should stay for this after all.

For a moment there's only stunned silence, and then Asuna again, "Why not? She's tried to kill us how many times? Do you not remember how we almost _lost_ Chachamaru because of her? And now you guys almost freaking _died_ – how can you defend that… that…"

"What? Demon? Murderer? What is it, Asuna? What can you call her that I'm not as well?"

"Oh don't be so damn defensive about it, you know that's not what I meant."

Silence.

A sigh.

"At least let me try – maybe if I talk to her – "

"No more tries," Negi interrupts firmly, "And I think it's probably for the best if you don't see her."

"You can't be serious," Setsuna half-laughs in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, Setsuna-san, but it's too risky. We don't know what might happen at this point…"

"So which one of us are you afraid of then? Me, or her?"

There's another bang on the wall, but not a big enough thump to be from a body. Probably Setsuna's fist.

"Just forget it. You guys don't understand, and there's nothing you can do to stop me from going in that room."

Tsukuyomi can hear footsteps approaching, but from beneath the crack of her door she can see the shadow of someone standing in front of it.

"There are a few things I can do," she hears Mana say coolly.

"Is that a threat?"

Setsuna's voice is right outside now, and Tsukuyomi can imagine the two staring each other down.

A third set of footsteps come down the hallway.

"If you're nervous about her reaction to Setsuna, then let me talk to her first," Konoka's voice floats easily between the tension.

"Absolutely not."

"Too bad."

The door cracks open, and Tsukuyomi can see the three of them in the hallway. Konoka is reaching underneath Mana's arm in an awkward fashion to open the door, but the taller girl isn't about to let her in.

"I'm sorry, Konoka-san, but I can't allow you to enter."

"Yes you can," Konoka says easily, perfectly aware of her status as the untouchable daughter of a prestigious family – who happen to be Mana's employer.

"I won't."

"I'm sorry Tatsumiya-san, but as the Konoe heir, and as the headmaster's and your employer's granddaughter, I'm _ordering_ you to step aside."

Tsukuyomi knows she can't be the only one raising an eyebrow at that.

Mana is just as surprised; Konoka has not once held her prestige over any of their head's. Not obeying her order could mean losing her job, although she doubts the girl is that cruel. But it's not like Mana cares about this anyway – she honestly doesn't give a shit if Konoka goes in the room or not as long as she doesn't die.

For her part, Konoka doesn't feel great about using her family name that way. But it's better than watching her friends tear at each other's throats. And if she didn't know better it almost looks like Mana's _smiling_ at her.

"As you wish," the gunman says, pushing the door open and stepping aside.

The three make eye contact with Tsukuyomi, who is sitting on the bed with a very amused expression on her face.

Setsuna looks like she wants to say something, but present company doesn't allow for it so she just kind of waves awkwardly. Tsukuyomi smiles in that nonchalant, I'm-going-to-pretend-to-be-oblivious-to-the-situation kind of way, and she watches the blush appear quickly on Setsuna's face.

Konoka steps inside and closes the door behind her. They both watch the shadows under the crack of the door until they can hear foosteps walking away, along with a quick jibe from Mana after having noticed Setsuna's quick descent into bashfulness –

"You act like such a schoolgirl sometimes, Setsuna."

"I _am_ a schoolgirl, damnit!"

Eventually the noise fades and they stare at each other in silence for a moment. Konoka seems to be assessing her and lost in thought, so finally Tsukuyomi breaks the quiet.

"Glad to see you finally got a backbone, Ojou-sama."

"Tatsumiya-san seemed to appreciate it too."

Tsukuyomi nods.

"We mercenaries tend to have more respect for people with a spine."

"I'll remember that," Konoka mumbles, trying to decipher whether that was an insult or a compliment.

More silence.

Tsukuyomi doesn't feel like suffering through this strange situation anymore; she slides off the bed and reaches for the latch on the window.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving," she answers easily, trying to figure out how to pop the screen out of the frame without ruining it. She figures she's caused enough problems for one week.

"Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

"Nope."

_Ah, there we go_. With a gentle push the screen pops out, and she lowers it onto the grass just below. She's about to step out, but Konoka's hand on her shoulder stops her.

"Wait. I want to say something."

"I'm listening," Tsukuyomi answers, but she doesn't turn around.

Konoka pulls her hand back and bites her thumb nervously.

"I just… thank you."

"For what? You're the one that saved _me_, you know."

Konoka shakes her head even though the other girl can't see it.

"No, not for me – for Setsuna. You saved _her_, in a way, so I owe my life to you just as much."

Tsukuyomi grits her teeth. She doesn't need to stand here and listen to this crap. She's had enough of it for one lifetime.

Too much drama, and too many _feelings_, and really too much talking about it all. She wasn't built for this – to be around people, or to talk to them – and she certainly doesn't want to hear about how she 'saved' Setsuna. Even if it's not all sentimental hogwash, even if she really _did_ do something good for the girl, to hear from Konoka how it 'rescued' their relationship or whatever she's implying –

That's just fucking _infuriating_.

So, yes, being social is not for her because she hates this emotional crap, and that's why she's so fucking _angry_ at it all and so _goddamn _tired and _why couldn't I have just died_. And that's the excuse she's going with.

Tsukuyomi puts her hand on the window frame, ready to leave.

"Why is this so hard for you?" Konoka whispers it almost like she's asking herself, but her voice escalates quickly, "I'm just trying to say thank you. Can't you just talk to me seriously without being a bitch for once your miserable life?"

"And what do you know about my life, _Ojou-sama_?" Tsukuyomi spins on her heel quickly to face the other girl, "Besides, do you really think now, alone in this room with me, is a good time to call me a bitch?"

"I think that's hardly something to get angry over considering how you almost killed me."

"I could say the same."

They stare each other down for a long moment, neither willing to break the eye contact. Finally Tsukuyomi looks away. She's too tired to play this game of verbal tag.

"Goodbyes are hard," she finally admits, "I've said enough of them in my so-called miserable life."

"I can't say I know what that's like exactly, but I've come pretty close," Konoka finally lets the edge off her words, "I'm not going to force you to stay, but believe me when I say it's a lot worse _not_ to say goodbye. You'll regret it, and so will she."

Tsukuyomi doesn't answer. With a heavy sigh Konoka turns to leave, but she's stopped with her hand on the doorknob.

"Doesn't that bother you? That she cares for someone other than you?"

Konoka smiles to herself, not wanting to turn around and piss the other girl off with her amusement.

"It did, at first. Jealousy is pretty normal, you know – "

"I'm not _jealous_ – "

"I know, I know. I was talking about myself. I'm only saying that, after a while, when I really thought I was going to lose her… I guess I just realized that watching someone you love be happy is the important part. Getting to be the one that _makes_ her happy is just a bonus."

"You should sew that on a pillow."

Konoka doesn't hide her laughter this time.

"You know, I think I finally understand what she sees in you."

She steps into the hallway and doesn't say anything more. Tsukuyomi looks at the closed door a moment longer, listening to the retreating footsteps.

"Back at you," she mutters, and maybe she's smiling just a little.

... But that still doesn't mean she wants to stay here and play the waiting game. It's awfully tempting to leave now, and why should she take advice from Konoka, anyway?

_Because she's right, probably._

Ah, well. Tsukuyomi's always been good at pretending – she could very well just jump out that window and imagine that she'd never wanted to say goodbye in the first place. Forget about depressing farewells, and forget about all the things she wants to say, and forget about Setsuna walking into an empty room and her hopes crashing down because she'll always be stupidly sentimental like that and…

Hmm. Maybe she's not _that_ good at pretending.

Fine then. She sits on the bed and wishes she had her sword to play with, but in its absence she braids and unbraids her hair and doesn't think about being nervous.

The knock on her door still makes her jump just a little though.

"Come in," she says, undoing the last of her messy braids and finger-combing her hair.

The door opens just a bit, but no one comes in. There's the sound of scuffling and hushed voices –

"Setsuna, I swear to – "

"Konoka _please_, I _hate_ goodbyes – "

"God, I can see why you're always saying you're both so similar – "

"Then why won't you just leave it – "

"_Get in there already!_"

Setsuna comes stumbling ungracefully through the door, catching herself at the last second to prevent an even less graceful face-plant. She spins around quickly, but not quickly enough to leave before the door is slammed in her face. She stares longingly at it for just a moment before turning around.

"That was embarrassing," she mumbles after a moment of silence.

"Senpai, if you weren't in a constant state of embarrassment I wouldn't know who you were anymore."

Setsuna, of course, gets even _more_ flustered. The blush is painfully obvious.

"It's not that I didn't want to see you again – I just don't really know how to, um – "

"I understand."

"Oh, okay…" She trails off for a moment, and Tsukuyomi can see this is going nowhere fast. She moves over and pats the empty space on the bed next to her.

Setsuna glances nervously at the door but complies anyway. She lets the covers be lifted over her and scoots closer until they're squished together, and both can agree this is much, much better.

Neither is ready to initiate goodbye, but Tsukuyomi sees the sun pass its highest point and knows she won't be home by six. _But that's alright_, she thinks, because the filtered light isn't strong enough to give her a headache anymore, and it's warm and comfortable and she's perfectly content to pause her life to be here for a little while longer.

"What are you thinking?" Setsuna asks quietly, voice muffled slightly by Tsukuyomi's hair.

"I'm thinking it's a shame we couldn't spend a night together here in a real bed."

Tsukuyomi can feel the laughter on the back of her neck. She turns over so they're face to face – or more like face to chest – and puts her hand underneath Setsuna's shirt, letting it wander over her side just like that fight so long ago. Except now there's a scar there from where the sword pierced her, and it's raised and jagged and not so easily forgotten. _How fitting_.

The hand on her ribs seems to remind Setsuna that she's not the only one who'd been injured.

"How are you feeling, by the way?"

"How I always feel, mostly. Thanks for finally asking," Tsukuyomi gives the skin on Setsuna's stomach a pinch, making the girl recoil in surprise, "I think that's the first time you've ever asked me. Do you know what that means?"

"Um… that I'm… forgetful?"

"It means you'd make a terrible husband."

Tsukuyomi can feel the laughter on her skin again, and she lets herself close her eyes and really hear the sound; despite how badly she doesn't want this to be any harder than it is, she's too drained to keep herself from living these last moments.

Setsuna, ever the worrier, feels the press of time a bit more urgently than the girl next to her though. She lifts Tsukuyomi's chin so they're eye-to-eye.

"As much as I'm enjoying myself, there's something I wanted to ask you. I'm sure you can guess already."

The blonde just shakes her head; she doesn't care to think about it right now.

"What happened back there, Tsukuyomi? Why'd you try and attack us?"

"I guess I'm a masochist too," she says lightheartedly, but her hand tangles with Setsuna's and squeezes in a more honest answer. There's more feeling in that simple contact than they've ever had, and the realization makes Setsuna's heart ache. She squeezes back.

They can practically hear the seconds ticking down until someone decides to come check on them – it's only a matter of minutes now.

"Take out your contacts," Tsukuyomi says suddenly.

"Why?" She asks, but she's already walking to the adjoined bathroom. She pauses at the door to hear Tsukuyomi's reponse, and maybe it's only because she's not facing the other girl that she answers so honestly.

"I want to see them again."

Setsuna heads to the sink. She spends a moment taking in her ragged reflection and wondering, but a moment is too long right now, she remembers. She takes out her contacts and rinses them down the sink without a second thought.

"That's better," Tsukuyomi says, lifting the covers for Setsuna.

They lay together and try to find that peaceful state again, but this time Setsuna can't ignore the inner turmoil. Her hands clench in the blankets, and she squeezes her eyes shut.

"You don't have to go," she says suddenly, "You could stay here – with me, with _us_ – you'd have friends, and – "

Tsukuyomi shakes her head.

"Not after that."

"Then tell me for real, _why_ did you do it?"

Tsukuyomi shrugs.

"I guess I figured I'd die."

"And that's better?"

"I don't know," she answers honestly, "but I wouldn't have had to wonder if it was, at least."

Setsuna stands up at that, too irate to sit still.

"I can't accept that answer," she paces the length of the bed, obviously annoyed, "It can't really be that simple – how would ending your life solve _anything_? And how did you even know Konoka could _do_ that?"

"I didn't actually. I thought Evangeline was going to crucify me on an ice pillar or something, but it turned out okay anyway. The way it happened was much more appropriate, don't you think?"

"_No!_" Comes Setsuna's indignant shout, "How is _any_ of that _okay_?"

Tsukuyomi sighs impatiently. It's obvious she's not going to get around this discussion.

"If I'm dead your life will be easier. I thought you guys wanted your happily ever after?"

"_Not_ – not if you're not in it," Setsuna finishes way quieter than she started, and she stares at Tsukuyomi in disbelief, "I mean – was I just making it up in my head? I thought we _were_ happy, even if it wasn't perfect – "

Tsukuyomi puts her hand over Setsuna's mouth before she can finish.

She tells herself not to react to that – wasn't she just saying how much she hated this kind of thing? There's no need to tear up, and she doesn't have to smile, and she doesn't have to feel that crushing sense of relief because God it feels good to know _she was happy then, too_ – and forget those thoughts exploding in her head like parade confetti, and –

_Fuck it_.

There's no one in her head to judge her, and so she lets herself admit it –

It doesn't matter if Setsuna finishes her sentence because that's all she wanted to hear.

She pulls her hand back from Setsuna's mouth, but only so she can put it in her hair instead and kiss her. Setsuna isn't nearly as irritated at being shut up this time.

When Tsukuyomi pulls back she keeps her head low and rests her chin on Setsuna's shoulder so the girl won't see her grinning. She might be letting herself indulge for once, but admitting that she's deliriously happy is a bit much.

"Are – are you okay?" Setsuna has to ask, because even if she can't see the smile, the girl is practically glowing.

"Just fine," she says in a surprisingly even voice, "And I take it back. Maybe you wouldn't be a terrible husband."

"I can't tell if you're joking or not…"

"Well, was it funny?"

"Er, yes? I still can't tell if – "

The sound of boots against the hallway floor interrupts her. She knows Tsukuyomi won't want to stay for the 'you need to leave' talk.

"I don't want you to go," Setsuna whispers, biting her lip and eyeing the door nervously. The person is obviously taking their time, but it's not that big of a distance so she asks hurriedly, "Will I still see you sometimes, at least?"

"Hmmm," Tsukuyomi taps her chin in feigned thought, "Well, I don't know. Some wise sage or other – I don't remember – once told me that watching someone important be happy is what matters, not necessarily _making_ them happy."

Setsuna is staring at her like she just swallowed a frog.

"What? What does that even mean?"

"I have no idea, but I think I'm going to find out," she says whimsically, not caring at all about the other girl's serious tone.

"Tsukuyomi! I _still_ can't tell if you're kidding or not – "

"Oh, come on, Senpai, don't you like riddles?"

The footsteps are getting closer now, and Setsuna's more than frustrated at this point. Tsukuyomi knows that, of course. She's only being obnoxious about it because it's so fun to watch.

"No, I don't, and I'm being serious, will you please just – "

A knock on the door cuts her off.

"Looks like you're out of time."

Setsuna's anxiety is officially through the roof.

"Would you just say something to me _honestly_ for once before you go?" She nearly shouts.

Tsukuyomi considers it, ignoring the second knock on the door.

What should she say?

That part of her doesn't want to leave either, and that she's afraid everything will go back to the way it was – that she's afraid it won't? Is she supposed to admit, at this point, that she doesn't know if she can handle watching Setsuna run off into the sunset with somebody else? And if she thinks for that reason, and for so many others, that she should be dead right now – does she say that too?

She gives a dramatic, long-suffering sigh and nonchalantly saunters over to Setsuna.

"Fine," she finally says when they're face-to-face, "You want me to be honest?"

Setsuna nods fervently and lets the shorter girl push her back until they're both on the bed again.

"I _honestly_ think," Tsukuyomi starts quietly and trails off. She brushes her thumb over Setsuna's cheek, just under her eye, and openly admires her face. "That blue is a great color for you."

"Is that all?" Setsuna asks in a whisper, hoping that it's not. She closes her eyes expectantly when Tsukuyomi leans down closer.

"No. I also think…" Tsukuyomi continues when they're so close their noses are touching, "That it's a tragedy you hide them. Don't be so ashamed of yourself, Setsuna, you're best the way you are."

"Wh – what – "

Setsuna opens her eyes just in time to catch Tsukuyomi's smile, but not quickly enough to avoid the face full of blankets that comes afterwards.

Her voice is muffled, but she can still hear Tsukuyomi sing-song a quick, "See you later, Senpai."

"Hey!" Setsuna scrambles to get her head out of the mass of tangled sheets, "W – wait! Why did you – "

She finally manages to unblock her vision, but only to find the room empty.

'_See you later…'_

Setsuna smiles to herself. At least she got her answer. The down side being that she didn't get to say the 'thank you' she'd been meaning to.

_Next time_, she thinks.

The doorknob rattles in an obvious announcement of 'I'm coming in so if you're doing something weird you should probably stop.' The door finally creaks open, and she hears Konoka's voice from the doorway and turns around to face her.

"What did she say?"

"What I needed to hear, I think," Setsuna answers, though she's not quite sure herself, "…And are you okay?"

Konoka is staring at her like she grew two heads. She stutters something incoherent, averts her eyes, and then tries again.

"Um, is it okay…? I mean, your eyes…"

Oh. For how painstakingly careful she used to be about it, Setsuna had completely forgotten she doesn't have her contacts in.

"Do they bother you?" She asks, and for some reason she can't bring herself to be embarrassed about it today.

Konoka can feel the change and brings her gaze back up again, admiring the color.

"Not at all," she says, "I think you're best the way you are."

Setsuna tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles.

"I'm beginning to think so, too."

* * *

**xxxxxxxx**

~ 2 Years Later ~

**xxxxxxxx**

* * *

Their friends never quite get used to it.

Asuna, at least, certainly doesn't understand. She's sitting at lunch with Konoka on the University side of campus, and she's tapping her fingers against the table because _what the fuck, Setsuna should really be here by now_.

As if she wasn't obviously disgruntled enough, she sighs and leans down to rest her head against the table.

"I didn't realize I was that boring," Konoka jokes, sipping her bubble tea.

"Seriously, doesn't this _bother_ you?"

"Doesn't what bother me?"

Asuna gives her an 'are you serious' look.

"The fact that _your_ girlfriend is out in the middle of who-knows-where doing who-knows-what with you-know-who."

The straw makes a loud slurping noise after Konoka sucks up the last bubble.

"Nope," she says nonchalantly.

Asuna throws her hands up in defeat.

"Don't you ever wonder if she's, you know… doing something she shouldn't be?"

"Mmm… nope."

"How?!" Asuna shouts, appalled, because maybe everyone _else _seemed to forget the incidents of two years ago, but she certainly hasn't.

It's not that she hasn't forgiven Setsuna or something – she was never really mad at her in the first place. But she's not about to let it go for the umpteenth time that Tsukuyomi nearly murdered someone close to her. _Again_.

Konoka, however, doesn't seem to share the sentiment judging by the way she's rolling her eyes.

"For the last time, Asuna, that's not what they're doing."

"Then what _are_ they doing?"

The brunette opens her mouth to answer, but they both catch the sound of running footsteps before she can. Setsuna skids to a stop at their table, leaning over and panting from exhaustion. And she certainly _looks_ worse for wear, too.

"Oh jeez," Konoka puts her empty drink on the table and reaches up to discretely heal the purple bruise around Setsuna's eye, "What did you do this time?"

"Jab in the stomach – I doubled over and got the hilt of her sword to my face."

Asuna stares openly at the ridiculousness, because even though it's obvious Setsuna's had the absolute shit beaten out of her, she still talks about it with a smile on her face.

"I understand wanting a good workout as much as the next superhuman warrior, but nearly killing yourself – that, I don't understand."

Setsuna laughs, and the blue of her eyes – or at least not the mauled one – catches the light and reminds Asuna that she's not really _supposed_ to understand. They all had to adjust to her personality change and some of the stranger behavior that came with it – but they all did, eventually.

"I wouldn't call it that, exactly, although I did get pretty beat up this time."

"You don't need me to go kick her ass for you, do you?" Asuna feigns a heroic pose but can't hold it for long without laughing.

"Don't worry, she didn't exactly walk away from it either."

"Tsukuyomi's alright though, right? She doesn't need me to heal her again?"

"She said she'd be fine," Setsuna blinks a couple times to test out her patched up eye, "Oh, and she told me to tell you guys hi for her."

She moves to sit down, but Konoka holds her hand up to stop her.

"Not so fast Miss, you were supposed to buy today, so now you owe me _two_ bubble teas."

"How does that work?"

"You have to pay me back for the one I just bought, and then you have to buy me the one you already owed me. Duh."

Setsuna mentally counts the shrinking funds in her wallet and sighs.

"One taro bubble tea coming right up."

She turns away but feels the hand tugging on her wrist.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What am I – oh!"

Despite all the changes, Setsuna still blushes when she leans in to kiss Konoka. But it's more of an 'I'm embarrassed because I'm self-conscious,' and not an 'I'm too ashamed of myself to touch you' kind of deal, so Konoka doesn't mention it.

"Ugh, get a room," Asuna makes a face and pretends to gag, if only to give them a hard time.

When the swordswoman is walking away and Konoka's gaze follows her in obvious anxiety though, Asuna can't help but be genuinely worried.

"Why do you let her do this if it stresses you out so much?"

"It comes with the package," Konoka shrugs, "I don't understand it either, but it's not something she can just give up. And _I_ certainly can't help her with it, so why not let Tsukuyomi do it."

There are quite a few reasons, but she doesn't need to voice them for Konoka to notice.

"I trust her," the brunette says without hesitation, "And besides, she's coming home to _me_ every night. That's what matters."

Asuna still thinks it's a pretty crazy set up to let your girlfriend go see her ex-girlfriend so they can beat the shit out of each other, but hey, the very sound logic of '_whatever floats your boat' _is enough to sate her curiosity.

"As long as you're happy, I guess."

"More than ever," Konoka's smile brightens even more when she spots Setsuna heading back to the table, and Asuna has to roll her eyes at them.

It's really not that different from when they were younger, but at least back then Setsuna would have tried to run away and spare them all from the oh-so-obvious, shiny-rainbow-butterfly-feelings of love that saturate the air whenever the two are within five feet of each other.

There's no such barrier now, and even though it's hard to watch sometimes, Asuna can admit that she's never seen either of them so happy. So she'll withstand the PDA and the gooey eyes and the occasional sexile from their dorm because, hey, _what are friends for?_

But that doesn't mean she can't tease them.

"So," she says, interrupting their moment, "When are you two getting married?"

Asuna gleefully watches them tense up and choke on their drinks, sputtering –

"M – married?"

"We – we don't, uh, it's not like we're in any hurry – "

"I don't – I don't even know if I _want_ to get married – "

"Exactly! We just – wait, what?"

"Er, no, I meant _now_, but apparently I'd make a pretty good husband…"

"Oh God, please tell me there's a nonsexual context for that – "

"It wasn't! I mean there isn't! I mean – "

Asuna snatches Konoka's bubble tea and takes a long, satisfying sip.

_Yep, this is definitely what friends are for_.

Some things never change.

_**End**_

* * *

**xx**

Please review and let me know what you think! Who knows, it might speed up the next story~

**xx**


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